I am Still living with a cheater. how do I get over it!
Hello, this is going to be a long story so everyone prepare...
I started dating this guy about 2 years ago, and we were definate soul mates. he told me he loved me and we were perfect, there were always little comments he would make about other girls, but it didnt bother me to much because i knew it was all talk.
about 6 months into the relationship, we had gone out one night and i needed to use his cell phone, just as he handed it to me he recieved a text from this girl that said "i would you all day long you dont even know, cant wait to see you".... he actually started crying about it because he felt so bad, he said it was just talk between him and this girl.. blah blah.. and he would stop. and it did.
after that two months later, a month after valentines ( and there was nothing wrong in our relationship ) st. patricks day* we were supposed to go out this one night, he told me he was tired and he was just going to go to bed and stay in. at 10pm tht night he called to say he was heading to the bar... anyways that night i tried calling his cell phone a couple times and there was no reply. a couple days after he went out to the bar i recieved a msg from this girl who explained that they left the bar together and went to his friends house where they proceeded to have sex. he stopped and said he couldnt because he had a girlfriend.. he drove her home the next day and never talked to her again. I told him that she was telling me this and he made up a big story about her... anyways as time went by after this i remember in the summer we would get into fights about this event i would say that i knew he had cheated and he would scream and yell at me and call me nuts because i was wrong. he would go out to the bar with his friends occasionally but usually only when we got into fights. and i always have had this gut feeling those times he went out he cheated. i would check his phone every chance i could and i would see long distance numbers he had called, and recieved, and a bunch of random numbers that werent in his contacts on his cell. .. we started to get better near november 08 and we went on a really nice trip together. in december he was over at my place and he ended up leaving his email opened so i looked. i found out he was on a dating site. plentyoffish? ya.. anyways so i logged into his dating profile. he hadnt put a picture on it. and there werent any inbox msgs, or sent msgs from it. but he did have in it saying " he was looking for a new sweetie" ... he had opened this account in september... when i confronted him about it he said he was drunk and his buddy told him he was on it so he did it for a joke. anyways obviously i didnt believe it either. anyways so now its jan o9 and we were planning on moving to australia for a bit, i was in between moving and i had seen another email to his buddy saying " hey man im headed to australia you should deffinately come with, we could get some good jobs down ther and we would definately get the women dude"... ( I TOLD U THIS IS A LONG STORY) anyways i never did confront him about that i just asked him if he told any of his buddies that WE were going to australia together...
so now in april 09 we went to australia had a great time came back to canada ... and i was sitting on the computer when i recieved a msg from the girl from st patricks day. she asked if i was still with the loser and if he had ever told the truth. so right then and there i called him and told him i wasnt going to talk to him anymore until he fessed up.. and after a little bit of talking he told me that it was true, that he was sorry and it was the worst thing he had ever done, and that he never told me because he knew iw ould have left him right then and there, and that he would never do it again and it was the only time. he begged and begged for me to stay with him that he wanted to marry me and that i was the love of his life. we fought a lot after this... but soon got better. now that everything was open we seemed to grow closer. but my only problem is that i am finding myself wondering about the other times that i had gut feelings about him cheating if they were true. he worked with my friend for a bit and when he had admitted to me about cheating he told my friend matt that he had been caught, but there were a bunch of others because it was easy he knew a lot of people in barrie. i asked him about it and he denied it. so now i am sitting here thinking everyday how many more times were there? and how do i get over the first time that i know about, and about the numbers in his phone.
my boyfriend is a great guy but he has issues, he is becoming a police officer. so i like to tell myself a joke... never trust a cop... or should I ? what should a do, and how can i get over the past because i love him so much, and we are still together but the past is truly haunting! pleaaaase advice!
Well look at it this way, he only admitted it when he was caught. Whats that tell you? How many others are there that you wont ever hear about? One girl came to you about it. You should thank her.
Hmmm he only cheated for 30 seconds...give me a freaking break. Some days all its take is 30 seconds for my husband. He cheated. Period. Done.
ya, i kno, thats exactly what i think. its just hard to thro away everything. thank you for your advice, i think i just needed to hear from someone else that my instincts r true.
What does it really matter how many times? The initial betrayal and damage that is associated with it is already done. How do you get over it? You don't, nor should you.
IF you are truly madly in Love with him than I doubt he feels the same way, proposing to you does not wash away anything. I do not beleive that the phrase true love and cheating can stand together.
Surely you wouldn't stay together just because it may take more work to leave? Mentally this has been quite taxing and stressful on you, as it will continue to be. I can't imagine having to wonder everyday of your life whether your love is out doing God knows what. What could possibly be worse?
I just wanted to add that I suggested counseling, not to help you with your relationship, but to help you. Being cheated on ruins your self esteem. I'm sure it would help so you're not carrying this around with you and having a hard time trusting people in general.
we are still together but the past is truly haunting! pleaaaase advice!
Stop living together, not for his sake but yours. I think removing yourself from this whole situation will let you see the facts and not something thats clouded by this great love you think you have.
Not easy, and it is darn hard, but thats what you need, some reality to learn what a healthier love will do for you.
All i have to say about this is that if he has done it once he is going to do it again. He sees it as if he can get away with it he is going to do until you say enough. You need to find your self a man who is going to appriciate you and love you, and trust me there is some one out there. If you decide to stay with him just reamember that saying "fool me once shame on you" Fool me Twice Shame on me" just reamber your a beautifull, woman and you deserve better than coming home and finding out you catched an STD... I wish you the best
Location: Now hailing from St. Petersburg, Florida US of A, North America, planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.
Posts: 3,308
I just read this thread and all I can see is a girl that tried and a guy that didn't. That means you suceeded and he failed. Now, your the one hurting and confused and the only way to change that is get rid of the failure holding you back in life.
Linear Mode
