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Confused_2010 · May 21, 2010, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

when she was so much inlove with you, you werent that much into her cause she gave herself to easily.
once she was in the arms of someone else, you decided you need to get back the property that you once owned, then once you had her, you thought it would be the same as before but you realized her feelings were not the same and that made you want her even more.
you love her now cause you can't fully have her, you think you need her cause she doesnt need you. the more she depart herself from you the more you want her.
I think the reason why shes on guard is because how you were before, she gave everything up for love but in return you can't give her what she came there for. Now shes being smart and not fully give you all her trust.
Be there for her, and be the bf that you now want to be for her, dont worry about how she feels but worry about how your feeling. If this girl is really worth your while, then give her what she deserve and that is you being a loving partner. I rather try and fail then fail to never try

Hi Showme_urmove
Totally agree with you... believe me I love this girl and I have dedicated myself to making this work! Already from the fab advice I have received from all of you, I have seen a significant improvement immediately in our relationship. I think now before I talk and I am giving her ample space. She told me she had a great day with me today at the beach and that she loves me:)

Showme_urmove · May 21, 2010, 06:03 PM

Glad to hear that!

The worst feeling is not losing someone you love but regretting not doing the best you can the led you to losing what you love.
Do your best from this day on to be what you know you can be for her. You know she deserves the best and if the best is you then prove it.
Just improve yourself better day by day, and don't take things for granted.

Kitkat22 · May 21, 2010, 08:51 PM

Glad to hear.. Keep in touch.

VivaCohen · May 23, 2010, 09:57 PM

It seems you need to learn the lesson that she had to learn the first time you two were together. I had to learn it too. You both have to continue having your own separate lives/friends/hobbies/time/space/etc. and keep your identities even though you are together, otherwise you lose your self-confidence and everything becomes wrapped up in this other person. This builds resentment. You feel resentment because now that you're giving everything she is pulling away and she probably feels resentment because she might feel obligated to answer certain ways or feel things otherwise you'll get upset or feel even more insecure, which will make the smothering worse. She probably feels smothered and pressured and unsure about your feelings since they have not been consistent. But you must stop giving her all of yourself. She likes being with you because she likes who you are. But now you have sacrificed who you are in order to identify solely as her boyfriend.
When you feel insecure about her feelings, its coming from within yourself, not from anything she has done to create your insecurity. When you smother someone, you give and give and give because you think this will make the other person want to give back and it hurts when they just distance themselves, which makes you smother them even more. Its nothing that she can do to fix this. Only you can do that, and that means reclaiming your identity outside of your relationship and not having all of your happiness dependent on this one person. When you start spending time on other interests and with other friends the person she fell in love will emerge again.
I know its scary. You think that if you spend less time with this person or put more time into other things and people then your relationship that you're desperately holding together will just fall apart. But love is not desperately held together out of force. It is two separate people choosing to be together because they love who the other person is. Spending less time with the person you love does not mean you love her less or that she loves you less or that you don't like being around each other. It means that you trust her to know her own feelings and to be honest about them with you and that you both have well-rounded lives. You can not control another person, and you shouldn't want to. Love is not selfish. Just love them for who they are, not because they love you back. If you belong together, then she will love you back for the same reason. What's wonderful is, when this balance comes back you'll find that you will not need to smother them as much. Good luck. I know its scary and hard but if you're brave and do this for both of you then things will fall into place again.