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I have been seeing a married man for about 10 months, we are in constant contact with each other via SMS and phone. He is not happy with her, they are always fighting and telling each other to go, the only reason he says he hasnt left yet is because they have 3 children, he is 3 years younger than myself, we could talk for hours if we could find the time, we are also very intimate with each other, more so with him than with my ex hubby of 7 years, he will lay in bed afterward just staring at me and stroking parts of my body, I see tears welling in his eyes and he doesn't try to hide them, but doesnt tell me exactly why that is happening, maybe he thinks i should no why. Does anyone think that, this man i am in love with has, strong feelings for me aswel or may it be all a put on, just to get sex?
I actually am going to have to agree. If he really wants to be with you he will leave his wife and be with you, it's wonderful that he is not so selfish that he would just leave his wife in kids for you and actually thinks about his children's well being, but he's not going to be able to hide this much longer. My friend Tracey dated THREE GUYS AT A TIME!!! I kept telling her that she was going to get caught, and she did... though I doubt things will get as extreme with you two (one of my friends boyfriends sisters tried to kill her >.<). Anywho you two should just seriously sit down and think about what you guys want here. Some people say that it is easier on kids to have both parents but in this case I really do think it would be better for him to divorce his wife!! So the kid thing is out... If he starts making up bs excuses after you discuss what a divorce would do to his kids then you know somethings wrong.
Oh my, this is getting juicy and heated....let me put in my two cents, for what they're worth.
It's always easier to criticise people who end up having affairs for being wrong and all that, UNTIL you become involved in one yourself. It is NOT easy to pull out of an affair that you have doubts over. I know, I used to be one of those who pooh poohed others for having affairs, until i fell in love with a married man. I posted my own sad story abt finding love with a man who DIDNT TELL me he was married with 2 young kids until i busted him. It was online and we didnt have sex, but it was still an emotional affair.
katherine, you have to ask yourself, do you feel good about yourself doing this? it doesnt sound very healthy you sleeping with the husband of the woman who slept with your EX. his story is SO CLASSIC of THE MARRIED MAN, so classic (mine said the SAME thing). it's all the same story. he probably does have feelings for you, but its not enough for him to do the right thing. When you choose to marry and have kids, there is no more "ME". this man is not doing the right thing by you. he may be doing whats right for his kids, but he's not thinking of you, by allowing this affair to continue with no endgame in sight. If he's a stand up guy, then he will find a way to choose. some party will be hurt. of course, but at least everything will be out in the open. children will adjust and heal, so it is not a good enough excuse NOT to divorce.
Im not critising or judging you, because i know now that things like this happen, even to the best of us. we all look for love and we hold on to what we can get out there. BUT there are sacrifices to be made when it involves others who will get hurt by our actions.
and if you let this go on, you will hate yourself for being used.
this can be as simple or complicated as you make it.
Who cares what his motives are you are enabling him to actuvely ruin a marriage. It doesnt matter if he isnt happy with her- If hes not happy then he needs to have the balls to Leave the Relationship.
Is that really the kind of man you want?
Selfish enough to put his desires before his families?
A Cheating, Lying, COWARD?
Nothing has told me that his wife is having an affair now, and that wouldn't matter. There has to be some adult like behaviour on at least one end here. It really is a silly thing to leave home have secret sex then go back home and play husband to your family. I feel sorry for his wife! She is at home trying to establish something obviously, or she wouldn't be there.
jacksgirl said earlier that she has cheated on her husbad. And I wouldn't be surprised if she's just staying for her kids just like he is staying for his kids. I'm willing to bet she even has an affair going on herself.
yes, i have left him. he was not only lying to me, but the the wife too, and has since set up another online profile stating that he is single and chatting up NEW single women. i think he thinks that as long as its online and therefore only virtual, he isnt cheating. but it is cheating all the same.
what i was trying to say is that yes, these things happen, but it doesnt mean its right to stay in one. if a man cannot make the commitment he took when he married, then he is a coward and a manipulator.
he needs to come clean and do the right thing by his wife and by you (ie divorce her or break it off with you). to everyone. if he is a good guy. anything less is just cowardice.
jacksgirl said earlier that she has cheated on her husbad. And I wouldn't be surprised if she's just staying for her kids just like he is staying for his kids. I'm willing to bet she even has an affair going on herself.
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I wouldn't bet on that.
AAAGGGHHHH! so now as an afterthought, pertinent details, as she cheated first. Okay, Still there are children involved, and really, no one except the couple involved know what goes on in thier marrige. Her cheating but staying does not mean he gets a free ride so to speak.
It is actually more complicated then it seems, his wife is pregnant with her fourth child, her due date is the 1st January 2008, he came to me concerned about this as he (so he says) had only been intimate with me not her for quite some time, she went away on the 29 march and came home after 23rd April, we know this as he spent most of that time with me. He said they had sex a couple of times when she returned but not long after that announced she was preg. We did the math and it does not add up, she says its his but he is waiting that one out until the end. Can anyone else confirm that we are right, that there is no way possible that this baby is his, this is not too much of a concern to him, he just knows that if he leaves her she will take his kids who are 1,3 and 5. He is the one who gets their dinner and looks after them and is worried that if she takes them away, they wont be looked after. Thanks for all your comments. Hope this doesnt throw too big of a spanner into the works. Oh and my husband and I were separated when he was with the wife. He never cheated on me and I never cheated on him, so i dont know how it feels too be the other woman.
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