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I have been seeing a married man for about 10 months, we are in constant contact with each other via SMS and phone. He is not happy with her, they are always fighting and telling each other to go, the only reason he says he hasnt left yet is because they have 3 children, he is 3 years younger than myself, we could talk for hours if we could find the time, we are also very intimate with each other, more so with him than with my ex hubby of 7 years, he will lay in bed afterward just staring at me and stroking parts of my body, I see tears welling in his eyes and he doesn't try to hide them, but doesnt tell me exactly why that is happening, maybe he thinks i should no why. Does anyone think that, this man i am in love with has, strong feelings for me aswel or may it be all a put on, just to get sex?
It is actually more complicated then it seems, his wife is pregnant with her fourth child, her due date is the 1st January 2008, he came to me concerned about this as he (so he says) had only been intimate with me not her for quite some time, she went away on the 29 march and came home after 23rd April, we know this as he spent most of that time with me. He said they had sex a couple of times when she returned but not long after that announced she was preg. We did the math and it does not add up, she says its his but he is waiting that one out until the end. Can anyone else confirm that we are right, that there is no way possible that this baby is his, this is not too much of a concern to him, he just knows that if he leaves her she will take his kids who are 1,3 and 5. He is the one who gets their dinner and looks after them and is worried that if she takes them away, they wont be looked after. Thanks for all your comments. Hope this doesnt throw too big of a spanner into the works. Oh and my husband and I were separated when he was with the wife. He never cheated on me and I never cheated on him, so i dont know how it feels too be the other woman.
Yeah, I would assume it is his child until proven differently. The laws on infidelity have changed in mostly all of western society I think since the 80's. She could cheat on him and vice versa, it does not matter anymore about who was loyal and who was not, the courts would not even acknowledge that because it is not divorce court and is not relevant to the needs of the children. Custody should be shared evenly unless he/she is unable to provide for the children, or there are other factors we do not know about. It really is just another excuse. The fact that she is pregnant is just one more reason you should reevaluate this situation, my goodness... My X cheated on me and I gave her another chance and that was it. I could have done what he is doing and somehow come up with a thousand excuses for having done it, but ultimately I am a logical person with a conscience. And at the end of you're message quoted above you said you do not know what it feels like to be the other woman. You are the other woman.
I just noticed the time difference I am in Australia it is actually 9.11 am on saturday morning. I wouldnt like ne one to think i am actuall sitting up all hours of the night.
you'd be a lot more happy if you can stop hurting his children... the most you can do is to never make it more impossible for him and his wife to work things out.... but if you do not like the idea of doing a favor for the sake of others then start thinking for the good of yourself.. spare yourself from guilt feelings, you deserve to be good and happy. at the end of the day, only one thing never fails to work, prayer!
It's not really about her hurting his children yet, it's about preventing that and other things. Men can be very manipulative and controlling, and I'm sorry to say but, some woman can be very vulnerable, in terms of love and gullibility. I have tried to speak through help desk to several woman in this scenario and I have a hard time putting a lot of blame on them. Jacks girl seems like a nice person who got caught up with a married man. And her original question was "does he like me or is he using me? Jacks girl or "one of Jacks girls" has been pretty brave to stay on here and read some of the criticism she has had to endure while seeking help using this thread. Most woman who have these types of problems only make it about two pages. :-)
First, you’re posting on here because you are not happy. This is not your ideal scenario. So think about who is helping put you in this situation. Who holds the ball here? Is it you? No. Is it the married wife? No.
Is it the man? Yes. He holds the ball. It’s time to take the ball back and tell him you are not playing. Do not listen to all his excuses. Him being with you does not mean he is leaving his children. This is a sure fact, so there must be something else that is preventing him from doing the right thing, and you know what that is? It's that it's easier to do the wrong thing and sometimes it’s easier for a man to be a coward and not own up to the truth. And it's so sad that he pulls his children into this and gives an illusion as to them being his excuse and reason for not coming out and FIXING a wrong. Fixing a wrong is EXACTLY WHAT HE IS NOT DOING. He can fix this by having an honest relationship with you two women (and that means he could either be with his wife or with you). Don't let him trick you into thinking that "oh dear, what about my kids" because there are plenty of divorced parents who still see their children! So please, think with logic and do not listen to his emotional excuses.
Of course after ten months of waiting, and him not leaving his wife, you would wondering when the time is going to come where you two can live happily ever after.
And yes, before you give me a sharp “diagree” as you have with some people that have taken the time to post here or have told you the truth, I have read about how his own wife has cheated in the past, and that the man you are having an affair with has hildren with his wife, who also happens to be pregnant. I read it all.
You mentioned how he tears up when you are in bed together. In looking at your responses to others, you put this detail up to also prove that he is not just in it for the sex, but because he truly loves you.
I realize that he may believe he loves you, but this is when a man truly loves a woman: A man loves a woman when he puts his fears aside, and does the right thing for her. This means he will tell his wife what he’s been doing, and he will stop putting you two on a hold as he continues to decide when it’s safe for him to say something. See, these past ten months have been more about him than it has been about you or his wife. And they certainly have not been about his children because if they were, he would act responsibly and discontinue an unhappy home so that they may live with a healthy father and mother (not two parents that fight and go off and have affairs for ten months at a time!). He would have a divorce, if that's what's needed. But for some reason, he's continuing to play this coward game. What a choice!
He may love you, but he clearly does not love you the way you want to be loved, or the way you should be loved. You know what way you deserve to be loved; you deserve to be loved by a man who is not married. You need someone who is yours. By continuing to wait it out, especially after ten months, you’re actually bringing your worth value down as a woman. A man knows that most women will not put up with this situation...but this guy sees you as someone who will continue being the other woman (even after ten months). Please show him otherwise.
Do you think you can do better than this situation? I should hope so. Don’t listen to his excuses. People with children have divorces all the time and our society is famous for it. If a man feels like doing the right thing, he will. And let me say that there is nothing wrong with you two being together, BUT only when he is not married.
Let me ask you: why should he do the right thing now, by being honest and telling his wife the truth?
He won't do the right thing because he doesn’t see that he needs to. He actually won’t do the right thing because you’re allowing this situation to continue.
The right thing right now is not for him to keep lying to his wife. He needs to tell her the truth, but you are making it easy for him to not have to. I suggest you leave him and see what he does. Move on and make yourself worth more than this type of situation.
I would say he is real jerk if he can not face his wife and solve the problem than he aint no man he is a chicken and a great lier im telling u he only wants u for sex nothing else and very soon he will leave u so it is beta for u to stay away beofre it is too late dont let him use u have respect for urself and other women in this World!!!!
They are working on it guys!! He's not trying to hurt anyone he's trying to protect his kids and still be happy!! This guy's getting ready to just go through the divorce and try for custody battles! You don't know what kind of hell that is! Alot of men would divorce his wife for his mistress and not even think about this family but this guy is and you all are trying to make HIM sound like the bad guy!!
I don't see how she should be ashamed! He wouldn't be cheating on his wife if he would just leave her!! He won't though cause he is thinking of his kids! I think this guy is a very strong man for dealing with a woman he doesn't like for the sake of his kids.
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I must have missed something, are you getting info I am not getting? Is he really about to leave his wife now? That is so odd, since Jacks girl is clearly showing some as to his intentions in this relationship.
as to his intentions in this relationship.
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