Let me start out with a basic setting for my question, this will probably be the same as what is on the intro board. I'm 19, live in upstate NY with my boyfriend of 2 years. I'm in college part time and I work two jobs. My boyfriend works full time 9-5, where my schedule is constantly changing from days to nights to whenever I'm needed. We recently moved into an apartment from his parents' house (my mom had a stroke and his parents took me in) and all seems well. We don't argue too much, of course there is the normal couple feuds, but we love each other and we get along. We both pay bills and nearly never fight over money. Our intimate relations are frequent, no complaints about the sex itself. I've got a life my colleagues would kill to have. I feel alone sometimes, I know my boyfriend loves me greatly and he is faithful and would do anything for me, but it sometimes seems like he doesn't want to be around me. Sunday is our day to be together. Last Sunday he took me to the movies. Before we went we stopped and ate then visited a mutual friend's house. I had a good time, but it seemed like there was no passion there. We had a small bickering session beforehand but we both got over it. Even though we held hands and he was such a gentleman the whole night, I felt nothing. He didn't lean over and hold me during the scary part of the movie, he didn't kiss me during the credits, I don't even think he made eye contact the whole night. We have sex often, but it seems like he's not always interested in my desires. He's always been very attentive to my needs. I know that I spoil him in the bedroom, could he have gotten lazy because I'm so giving? I talked to him about a month ago and asked him to do something romantic with me. Take me to a nice restaraunt, a walk in the park I don't care if he orders pizza and we slow dance to country music by candlelight in the kitchen. I don't need fancy, I just need passion. He doesn't run and give me a hug when he sees me anymore, he doesn't even like me touching him when we're watching TV. Its like I can't even tickle him or kiss him or anything without him implying that I'm an annoyance. I know that a clingy girlfriend can be irritating, and I give him space, but when its just me and him and he just wants to watch TV I feel like I'm neglected. He used to tell me everyday that he wanted to marry me someday and that he loved me. Now I'm lucky if I can get him to say he loves me before we crawl into bed and sleep with our backs to one another. He'll throw his arm around me once in a while, but recently when I try to "cuddle" or even to try to initate foreplay I get a very cold shoulder. What is wrong with our relationship!? I love him, he loves me? Why can't I feel like I love him? Am I doing something wrong? I know I'm not the annoying girlfriend, I'm almost like "one of the guys" to his friends. Maybe we're too close now and he needs space, I know I do, but he's very jealous of my friends because they're all male. I think I might be caught between a rock and a hard place, but please, any advice will help!!

Allheart

Wow, Macin. First, if that is your picture...you are a beautiful girl. I clearly understoond everything that you were saying. No, from what you are saying, you are doing nothing wrong. I would think the best thing to do, is to sit him down, and open up to him, exactly like you did in your post here. You were open, honest and sincere. That will come across when you share this with him. Be prepared to truly listen. I would say, perhaps he is not the touchy feely type, but it seems he once was and now, you feel something has changed. All of your answers that you seek, are with him. That is the best place to start.
When you approach him with this, make sure there is enough time, both of you are in decent moods, and be loving and caring when you speak, but try and not be accusatory. Let him know you are concerned. Whatever response he does give you, take a deep breath and let it soak in, try not to jump back in with a response of you own. Another words give him the space to answer. Hope this makes sense and I wish you the best.

talaniman

It is often hard to realise when people, as they grow, are growing with you or away from you. After two years, and the wear and tear of life, its important to keep communication alive and be a good listener as Allheart has pointed out. Now is the telling time to see if the two of you will make it or break it. 90% of the posters here are at that same 2 year mark when the decisions are made to move on or keep trying.

Go slow don't push and maybe take a wait and see approach. No presure. See if he opens up to you on his own. In his own time.

Be nice and see if a positive attitude brings a smile. We all have questions and believe it or not there is no hurry to get ALL your questions answered today. Be patient.

J_9

Everything here is perfectly put.

Let me just add that maybe he feels in the comfortable stage of the relationship.

Unfortunately it happens sometimes that he just feels comfortable being with you and does not feel the need to be showing affection all the time.

Yes, have a talk with him. But be gentle.

s_cianci

It sounds like the two of you have different basic needs. He may not be a real "passionate" kind of guy. That's not to say that you aren't compatible and can't have a successful relationship but you'll have to decide whether or not you can live with these differences. Maybe you do need to back off a little and give him some space (and allow a little for yourself in the process.) IF he questions why you aren't paying as much attention to him, reply in a matter-of-fact manner with something like "Well, I feel that I've been a little too overbearing lately as you always seem annoyed whenever I try and get close to you so I felt that I just needed to back off for a little while." This may not totally reflect your true belief but he'll get the point without you blaming or accusing.

Skell

I think you need to talk honestly and openly to him. Tell him your concerns. Not in an accusing manner but in a gentle and loving manner. Much like you have in your post!

It certainly sounds like he is a good guy. he is a gentlemen and as you say very attentive to your needs. But i also understand that you need that little passion.

Sometimes guys forget this and need a little gentle reminder. And if that doesnt work then maybe you need to be a little less gentle. And if it still doesnt work and you still feel unsatisfied then perhaps it is time to reassess your position in this relationship.

Good luck and please keep us posted with how things go!