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My gf and I broke up 3 days ago. We are in our early 20s. We go to the same school and have the same friends. The thing is, I made the ultimate mistake. I developed my entire life around her. I have a few friends (3 - 4) that I hang out with on occasion. But my day includes: classes, work, dinner with her, rest of the night with her. The days she isn't with me (when she hangs out with her friends) I am hanging out with mine. Truth is, she has more friends than me and she goes out more than I do...mainly because when she goes out, I have other things to do such as clean my apartment, laundry, go grocery shopping, other errands. So yeah. My bad on that.
In the 3 years we have been together, we have never fought. We have had small arguments here and there, but nothing big at all. No yelling, no hitting, nothing. We get along extremely well to the point her friends envy our relationship. Hell, her relatives envy our relationship.
The Breakup
The past week, she has been really stressed due to exams and competition (she is the captain of a certain team). So when she seemed a bit off, I just brushed it off. Over the weekend, I got a call from a (guy) friend of hers that she collapsed and was in the ER. I went there, found out she was just exhausted from stress. I took her home, took care of her, stayed up all night and made sure she ate, slept, etc. Next day, I take her back to her place, drop her off, and I went out to get some food for her. i come back and she is surrounded by her friends. No biggie...cept that she somewhat shafted me for her friends when I got back. So I left, I had things to do...but I don't get a call from her til 1am. This is very unusual as she usually calls me 3 - 4 times a day..but again, I brushed it off...she just got back from the hospital. she's tired. she's around her friends.
Next day, I ask her what's going on...why things have been happening in the manner that it has. She tells me that she herself has no idea why. She has noticed that as well, but had no clue. She wanted to take winter break (which was coming in 2 weeks) to find out what was wrong, but now that I brought it up, she wanted to take a break. I asked, what kind? she said, the kind where we talk and hang out, but we're not a couple. I immediately thought, bad idea. I suggested that we break up. So we break up.
Didn't sleep that night.
Post break up.
day 1 of BU (breakup), i find myself constantly checking phone/e-mail/etc. I don't call. I just check. I am told by my friend that she has at least 4 people with her at a given time...she is not allowed to be left alone. Apparently, she is a train wreck. I feel bad. I don't do anything. later, I walk out of the lib and find her walking with a guy that I was suspicious of...and she knew that I was. I call her, and she explains that he's been assigned by a friend to walk with her...apparently they take turns walking with her. fine.
i asked for a reason why we broke up. she said that she needs time to think. someone should make a t-shirt out of that phrase. i've had bad breakups before. I know it sucks for a while. I expected it, but not during finals week. this f-ing blows. can't study.
However, I am doing what sdjosh, samesame, mackenzie, etc are saying on here. NO CONTACT. I knew that. I don't initiate contact. drives me crazy, but i do it.
day 2 of BU. she decided that she is going to call me...everyday. she even said so. she said that she'll call me until i tell her not to. ball in my court. another t-shirt idea. i tell her that i will not call her. 4 hours later, i call her asking an innocuous question (i was curious to know the answer!!!) about her friend. that is all. we haven't talked since.
I hear that she's still a train wreck from my friends. doesn't eat. doesn't sleep. My idea is that she wants to take winter break to think about things. at this point, i'm hitting the gym. working on me. i'm doing everything I can to stay busy.
I will see her two more times in the next week (1: mutual friend's birthday is this week...so dinner. 2: we are meeting up this weekend to give each other some stuff back that we've left at each other's places)
my question is...
what do I tell her about the calling me daily thing? Granted, I love the fact that she calls me everyday. I wait for it. When she does call me, I act like an a-hole and I am very cold/distant. but should I just simply say, don't call me? I was planning on not calling her at all. maybe txting her on christmas to say merry christmas or new year's...but is THAT even wrong? help?
Disclaimer: I just read the post...it seems like she's somewhat of a jerk...but really, I just don't have the patience and the energy to type every little detail about us. Trust me, we treat each other equally in affection and respect. She is very sweet. I want to say that I'm in somewhat of the same boat as everyone else here...cept that she just makes it clear that she wants to take some time off, only reason she didnt want me to wait for her was that it'd be unfair for me. so yeah.
If people are lured in to buying all of the e-books about getting their ex back, I don't see why they wouldn't buy this story...it is amazing and, unlike the e-book, actually does help you out.
wow truely insppiring spent the whole afternoon reading it lol. i need something more though. I need to know if NC is really the way to approach my situation. You've come along way man. I wish i can have the confidence you do now.
Turns out what you wanted in the first place you ended up having it come to you but at that time you didnt need it anymore. Love? what is love? do you really have love for this women? What is true love? i think things would have turned out differently if that was the case. Good luck! dont be too mean to her =P i wonder if my ex will come running back to me once i move on as well. Maybe i wont want her back by then. But there is the "other guy" in her life too.... sigh
For me, the other guy was the reason she left me. I was crushed, I was broken, and I was left to pick up the pieces.
A year and some months later, she came back running. Did I love her? I think so. I thought I'd end up marrying her...so yeah, I think I did love her. Do I think about her now? From time to time, but the nauseating sting isn't there anymore.
Well, my situation's a bit...complicated. Do I love her? Yes, as a person. However, in the course of the past year and a half, we've both changed tremendously. So in that sense, I would have to get to know her again.
Also, logistically, she's going to grad school in May, about 1200 miles away from here, and I may be going to medical school (if I'm accepted) in August, nowhere near her. So that wouldn't work out. If our paths crossed once again in the future, then I would again have to get to know her once more...
Hello none12345. I just read your (long) post. I'll keep it short and to the point. People are hardly worth all the time and effort that we end up putting into them. As time passes by, you realize this fact more and more. Just let it go. Don't contact the girl.
On the bright side, you had a relationship that lasted 5 years, which is amazing and (imo) miraculous in today's society of casual, ambiguous and oftentimes complicated relationships. Good for you!
Seriously, you're young. You'll find someone, or someone will find you soon enough. Live it up while you can.
probably the last update I will do before I end this whole thing.
A few weeks ago, I decided to call my ex and catch up. Things didn't work out and we didn't get to really talk, but a couple of weeks ago, she decided to give me a call...and we talked for about an hour or so. No snide comments, no hurt feelings, no anger, nothing...just a nice catching up between two people who shared something special in the past. We left it at, "hopefully, we'll see each other soon," and I really meant it.
So with that, I'm going to have to say, my journey with this one specific girl is over.
I'm leaving for medical school August 9...my restaurant is closed, and I am currently opening up a gas station...so until I leave for med school, I will be busy with the setting up of the gas station. Hope everyone's doing well...wish you all the best.
Thank you to everyone for your support, and thanks for reading my story. Hope you found it helpful (enjoyable at least). Thanks again.
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