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Am I being used, or does she really want to make this work? complicated situation
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 weeks, she was just out of a relationship at the beginning of the semester, he broke up with her, but now he wants her back but she wouldn't take him back, so I guess she could be considered the dumper. she told me up front that she didn't want a serious relationship with me like she had before, but that it could work out. She told me that she still was in love with her ex, but that she wouldn't let her feelings for him have any effect on our relationship, and it doesn't seem like it has, she doesn't really bring him up. But he still emails her, and whenever he does, she gets really upset. Yesterday she told him that she wanted to get back with him, and that it was hard for her to not go back, but that it wasn't healthy for them right now. She then later told him that she felt like she was emotionally cheating on me, and that she can't talk to him for a while because its unfair for her to be caught up with him while she's with me. He asked her if it meant they were over for good, but she told him thats not what she meant, and that he needs to be patient, and give her the space that she needs and if that he really wanted her he would let her go for a while. I just read these emails cause she left them up on her laptop, and left it in my room this morning when she went to class. I've been googling the signs of a rebound relationship, and we don;t really fit them too well, cause we aren't sleeping together, and we aren't saying I love you, but the fact that she told him she wants him back but couldn't take him back right now, and then she came back and told him to not talk to her cause she felt guilty makes me a bit nervous. Can she really be in love with him and not let it effect or relationship??
She s nowhere near over her ex and regardless of the two of you not having sex etc that makes you her rebound. She should take time to recover from the breakup instead of trying to jump into a new relationship.
Leaving the laptop s a big hint, I suggest you take it and bow out.
You are just a warm body to get her company. She has yet to deal with her own feelings and before she does that, you are just going to be easily replaced
she told me up front that she didn't want a serious relationship with me like she had before, but that it could work out. She told me that she still was in love with her ex.
Pretty much says it all right here, no need to read further. She seems to be extremely honest with you. I know if someone told me this, I would be gone, no questions asked. I would think the signs are pretty clear to you right now, so leave before you get hurt.
She is not over her EX at all and I think at the end of the day you are going to be disapointed. I think it would be best if you just backed away now. She needs to deal with her own issues!
I am sure she has walls up from her ex which will block her from wanting or considering a serious relationship any time soon. She sounds stuck between needing to get over him and wanting to move on. Thats a confusing point to be in and now your right in the middle. If I were you I would just bow out and wish her luck. She is playing mind games and keeping you both hanging on even if she doesnt realize it. Before you get to deep I would move on before you get hurt.
the thing is, she said she doesn't let her feelings for her ex interfere with her feelings for me. i thought that if we were in a rebound, she would transfer her emotions from him to me, but since she keeps them separate, maybe its different?? and she felt guilty for emotionally cheating on me by talking to her ex about their relationship, that means that she does care about me right? she told him all she wants for him is happiness so i know she cares about him. she told him she was in a lot of pain and that their breakup has been effecting her grades, and that whenever he emails her, she breaks down thats why she doesn't want to talk to him, so i feel like i'm her knight in shining armor
You cannot be in love with someone and logically date someone else. That is robbing you of a true relationship and that person's complete devotion to you. I'm sorry, but to have feelings that deep for someone else and still date another guy, it is impossible to not let that interfere. I am stunned you sat there and let her say that to you and you are still talking yourself into this being a normal and healthy start to a relationship. Why would you want to date someone who is in love with another guy?
But she also said these things, which I would take as red flags:
Quote:
Originally Posted by lp2009
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 weeks, she was just out of a relationship at the beginning of the semester, he broke up with her, but now he wants her back but she wouldn't take him back, so I guess she could be considered the dumper. she told me up front that she didn't want a serious relationship with me like she had before, but that it could work out. She told me that she still was in love with her ex, but that she wouldn't let her feelings for him have any effect on our relationship, and it doesn't seem like it has, she doesn't really bring him up. But he still emails her, and whenever he does, she gets really upset. Yesterday she told him that she wanted to get back with him, and that it was hard for her to not go back, but that it wasn't healthy for them right now. She then later told him that she felt like she was emotionally cheating on me, and that she can't talk to him for a while because its unfair for her to be caught up with him while she's with me. He asked her if it meant they were over for good, but she told him thats not what she meant, and that he needs to be patient, and give her the space that she needs and if that he really wanted her he would let her go for a while. I just read these emails cause she left them up on her laptop, and left it in my room this morning when she went to class. I've been googling the signs of a rebound relationship, and we don;t really fit them too well, cause we aren't sleeping together, and we aren'tsaying I love you, but the fact that she told him she wants him back but coulndt take him back right now, and then she came back and told him to not talk to her cause she felt guilty makes me a bit nervous. Can she really be in love with him and not let it effect or relationship??
To be honest with you, she's out of my league, many people were shocked when we started dating, but we do have a lot in comon, and I've been doing a lot of stuff for her that she likes, like we went hiking and she said she;s never done that before.
But I never thought I'd be with her, last semester she was with her ex and she was crazy of her and very loyal. Now that I have the chance, I don't want to let it go. She told her boyfriend to not talk to her cause she was with ME now, and she felt like she was emotionally cheating on me by talking to him. Does that count for anything?
And the fact that she was open with me about it, that she has feelings for her ex it made me feel like she wnats it to work and she wants to be completely honest with me, but she says that since he was her first love, she will always be in love with him, which I guess means it doesnt matter if we start dating now, or 3 years from now she's still going to feel the same way about him.
The thing is, we do get along, and have fun, it almost seems like we're a normal relationship, just going a little slow, but she said that her feelings for her ex won't effect her relationship with me...is that possible? i'm so confused just about that one part
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