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Rohin Arora · Dec 10, 2008, 11:00 AM

I am a guy of 22 and in a relation for 3 years.I love my girlfriend intensely and she too is in with me.Since we work in different offices,we don't have many common friends.
But for a last year and a half,we are in different cities.and her interactions with other men have increased much.Although she always tells me to whom she talks and all that,but sometimes there is too much stuff.

Like, she is now at good terms with her ex,and sometimes when I call her late at night,she is having a talk with him.when I ask her why,she says that he is going through a very bad phase in his life and needs a friend,so just helping him out.and recently,he kissed her.
She was crying like hell when she told me and felt guilty and promised not to do those things again.

So I am in dilemaa what to do?believe her and let her live her life?
Please suggest me something.it hurts when the person you love is getting far from you.

Romefalls19 · Dec 10, 2008, 11:05 AM

Normally I would say you were over possessive but since she did cross that line with the kiss, I don't think you are out of line to request her to not be on speaking terms with that ex due to circumstances. If she says "no" then you have a decision to make as to whether to stay with her and trust her or to end it

Rohin Arora · Dec 10, 2008, 11:11 AM

May be you are right.
I once asked her to stop talking to him,she agreed then but the next week almost begged me to let her.
She justified that she had once loved him and will feel better if she could do something to help him.

As u said ending a relation is never easy.

talaniman · Dec 13, 2008, 10:18 AM

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Read this and see if it helps. She has to care on some level because she tells you what's going on and doesn't seem to be holding anything back. Distance has you insecure.

ImTotallyLost · Dec 13, 2008, 01:15 PM

I say break up. You don't deserve that.

Rohin Arora · Dec 13, 2008, 01:23 PM

Ahh man,breaking up isn't easy.
And I request every body here,please don't reply for fun in the posts here.
Things that are funny to you are some body's life.

talaniman · Dec 13, 2008, 01:36 PM

You don't have to start another post to ask the same question. Generally it takes time for responses to come in. be patient.

liz28 · Dec 13, 2008, 02:09 PM

Long distance relationships are the hardest to be in. Trus is the biggest key to help it survive.

Being friends with your ex is okay because I am friends with some of mine old boyfriends from the past.

The only thing that is alarming about your girlfriend friendship with her ex is her emotional attachment to him. Her need to want to be there for him because of his hard times. What exactly is he going through? I would be leary of what is going on especially since they kissed. He might not be over her and might be trying to win her back and sometime when someone is in this situation they don't see that.

It just her begging to speak to him is alarming to me. It obivious they're doing more than speaking on the phone otherwise they would've never kissed. Watch the red flags because you don't know what could happen next and then next your be getting the "it not you speech".

Rohin Arora · Dec 14, 2008, 11:28 AM

Actually his bussines is going bad these days.thats why she asked me to let her speak to him so that she could make him feel better.
And serioulsy I don't know,how and when they get to meet.and since she lives alone,my suspections are high.

But one thing that makes me feel that she is not involved in him is that she is telling me all the details most of the times.

So what you suggest now?

sasha123 · Dec 16, 2008, 11:31 AM

Maybe she's kind and would help even a woman the way she helps her ex ,maybe that's why you love her as well .I think as long as she tells you what's going on you don't have to worry ,and I give you one advise when she tells you something even if you don't like it or it hurts don't scream or yell cause next time she won't say anything ,if she's cheating on you she hides it from you not come and tell you the details I guess.. hope I was helpful in someway

Rohin Arora · Dec 16, 2008, 11:38 AM

Yes your suggestions are good and helpful.
These are the things that made me seek help from you people.but the thing that makes me feel bad is the kiss.is there any reason that can justify this?

DeleteAndBan · Dec 16, 2008, 11:55 AM

You can't fool yourself into believing that you will trust her again just by deciding to do so. Or saying "i forgive u"

You don't trust her anymore, fact, and the long distance is making it worse since rebuilding the trust is almost impossible. (since you need to trust her to believe she is telling the truth, and you don't trust her, so she can't regain trust by proving it physically.)

The question is if your ready to endure a lot more suffering in the future... the possibility of which is unfortunately very high.

This would be a totally different case if she didn't kiss him...

Rohin Arora · Dec 16, 2008, 12:02 PM

Thanks for your help buddy.
Aahh relations are difficult to handle.but I am trying to get myself transferred to her city.I think that will solve most of my problems.
Hope I get this.
Being closer is definitely makes d bonds go stronger.

talaniman · Dec 16, 2008, 12:10 PM

I mean is there any reason that can justify it?

No, there is no justification for bad, or disloyal behavior, even if it was the distance, and you were not there.

She may have been honest with you, but the chance of repeating this behavior is greater, since your still not there.

Your so hung up on a simple kiss, your failing to see how the details she gives you, and distance is affecting you, as now your mind is stuck on what she is doing, and trying to justify everything she may tell you, and you are so afraid of losing her, that you can never be honest about your true feelings, and are not there, to do a darn thing about it, any way.

The truth of the matter is you don't know what she is really doing, question her loyalty, and your trust. So no reasonable decisions, based on facts, can be made, honest communications. She tells you everything, you do not. This has lead to your present conflict, and will continue as long as the distance between you stays.

You either trust, or you don't, but any lack of trust, makes this relationship hard to maintain. How long is this distance going to be between you, as without an end goal, its going to be even harder to remain together, if you can call it that. Sorry.

Rohin Arora · Dec 16, 2008, 12:21 PM

I think You are right.
Well I just made a decision.I am going to her tomorrow. And talk face to face,will tell her what I expect of her and what I don't.
Will update post when get back.

angeliv · Apr 20, 2013, 07:02 AM

Wow. I was in that exact position. I did the same thing and my ex kissed me too. He was going through a very bad break up and his parents were divorcing so I felt like a bad person to not comfort him. But when he kissed me I slapped him and told my boyfriend the very next morning. I cried and cried and tried my best to make him know it was nothing and that I didn't have any feelings. It was the truth and I love my boyfriend with all my heart. Give her a chance. My boyfriend gave me one, and he hasn't regretted it since.