Hey there

I don't know what my problem is, but I pester my boyfriend about girls he has slept with in the past... even ones from 6-7 years ago.
I have been with him for 3 years-and I know he would never cheat. It isn't that, that I am paranoid about, and I know he didn't know me back when he slept with other girls, and YES I KNOW he loves me and could care less about them now.
I just always think in my head... "what if so and so was better than me?"... or I think "what if this position or move reminds him of so and so?"
Or I think sometimes in bed he is pretending I am one of the passed girls he has slept with.
It's crazy, but I lost my virginity to him, he is the only one I have ever slept with, so I obviously have nothing to compare him to etc.. So I wonder, since he's had sex with lots of people... is that what he is doing to me?
Anyone have this problem-and know of ways I can fix it??
THANKS

You've been with him for 3 years and, as it appears, exclusively at that. I don't think you have a problem other than your own insecurity. You really need to put a lid on that or it'll kill your relationship as well as other aspects of your life. It sounds like you harbor low self-esteem. Perhaps some counseling or a couple of good self-help books would help.

I've done the same... comepaird myself to guys my girlfriend has been with... I get paranoid soemtiems but I've learned you're a lot less likely to screw up if you don't worry about it...

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months, and I do that. He's only had intercorse with one girl who he was with for 4 months + blow jobs & such with about 6 other girls. It drives me crazy! He's the only person I've ever been sexual with. We haven't even had intercorse yet and I can't help but worry about his ex; her body, how much bigger her boobs were than mine or if she was better than me at what they did. I get so aggravated I cry, and I tell him how I feel. I know how you feel, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get over the jealousy, the curiosity-i asked him once about what they did not knowing how I would react, and he told me in detail a couple things, after that I haven't been the same-as they say, curiosity kills the ing cat. So here I am, constantly looking for new things to do with him, to keep him entertained, all while I feel like I'm not getting the appreciation nor approval I need. But its not like I can just be like "babe, can you moan s'more...give me some approval, feedback" cause I don't want curiosity to kill the cat, AGAIN. So, you are not alone.

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months, and I do that. He's only had intercorse with one girl who he was with for 4 months + blow jobs & such with about 6 other girls. It drives me crazy! He's the only person I've ever been sexual with. We haven't even had intercorse yet and I can't help but worry about his ex; her body, how much bigger her boobs were than mine or if she was better than me at what they did. I get so aggravated I cry, and I tell him how I feel. I know how you feel, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get over the jealousy, the curiosity-i asked him once about what they did not knowing how I would react, and he told me in detail a couple things, after that I haven't been the same-as they say, curiosity kills the ing cat. So here I am, constantly looking for new things to do with him, to keep him entertained, all while I feel like I'm not getting the appreciation nor approval I need. But its not like I can just be like "babe, can you moan s'more...give me some approval, feedback" cause I don't want curiosity to kill the cat, AGAIN. So, you are not alone.

I am currently 'seeing' this guy at the moment but we have been 'seeing each other for 2 months now and not officially a couple I have stayed over his 4 times met his family and friends and really like him. I haven't sleppt with him but I think he's fine with waiting for when I'm ready. Only thing is that his ex at a party other week tried it on with him. They have been broken up for a year and she's still crazy about him. She won't leave him alone and keeps constantly texting him. He says that he doesn't have any feelings for her anymore but I'm not sure. He also keeps adding other girls on Facebook. I'm not sure what to do.

I am completely there with you and Steph. I waited for a first real boyfriend, where the relationship felt committed and real (I was 22 when we met). I've been with him for 1.5 years now 'officially' and lived with him one year and I still think about these past whores he was with (no, seriously, they are complete whores). He initially was not very considerate about my feelings and he was friends with them on FB- they would flirt, comment on how good he looked on pictures he posted of things we did together, ask to meet up with him when he went home to visit his parents. He didn't care that it made me uncomfortable and was really insensitive about it.

However, we've sat down and I was honest and calm about how much pain I was in about it. He had a hard time understanding, because I'm an atheist (aka it isn't for religious reasons I waited for a special person- I just think it is a significant and special act that should only be shared with someone you completely trust). He has been a lot more understanding since and things have slowly gotten better.

I read this thing once that helped me approach the situation differently. Say you have a pet dog that you are very close to and love very much. One day he gets hit by a car and dies and it obviously causes you great pain. Imagine someone saying to you, "It's just a dog, what's the big deal? Get over it." You don't have to justify yourself to that person by giving reasons that the dog was important (e.g. my grandma gave me the dog, I got the dog when I was going through a rough time, etc.). It is your right to feel sad about something that is important to you- no need to produce justifications. Your boyfriend made bad choices, mistakes, in the past. Just because he truly loves you and is completely committed doesn't mean you can't mourn a lost ideal that is important to you.

I don't want to pretend this solved everything. I still get in fights with my boyfriend about it sometimes (I'm not perfect either) and I still get really sad about it and cry sometimes. I also have nightmares imagining him with these people and it literally feels like someone is tearing my heart out (I'm actually on sleeping pills now because it got so bad I couldn't fall asleep). Your boyfriend will never completely understand the pain you are going through, but know that others do. I think (hope) the pain will go away someday:(

PS-If anyone tells you that you are immature and need to 'get over it,' they are insensitive assmunches and don't seek their advice anymore:)