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ok, this is a topic that in abundance these days and i thought why not, ill share my story and get some feed back
the topic is... the classic case of a needy guy.
ok heres the go, i am with my gf, about 8 months now, all is going well and we are in love and enjoying it. one problem, im too needy. i know most guys dont realise it but ive taken it one furthur and noticed and am soooooo so willing to recify my mistake. when it comes to the relationship we are pretty much fine id say, no fights. i feel a tad neglected at some stages but i am just assuming that its my paranoia and needyness coming through right?
ok well, something that makes the situation slightly more complicated. im living with her. lol, not just her, her whole family, theres 8 ppl in the house and generally speaking alone time is a rare occurance.
ok, here are the ways in which i feel im being needy.
keep in mind here that self critisism is difficult
i always want to touch her (not in that way, just on the shoulder or hold her hand) i sometimes will reach over and run my fingers through the back of her hair and she she smiles and give me a cute look
i have no problems if she is off doing her own thing or busy, i just busy myself happily jamming on my guitar or chatting with people, but i would rather be with her than be doing things on my own
sometimes i go off on my own and find my own space as a way to let her know that i want her to pay more attention to me, i have no idea why lol it works sometimes tho she comes out and kisses me on the cheek and asks if i want my own time, i generally say "why dont ya take a seat and we can chat"
if we're just talking and stuff i ask her how she is how her day went and how she's dealing with everything lately (theres a lot of stuff happening with the family at the moment)
and i get positive answers, "yeh im ok, im good, im doing as good as i could hope i guess"
i ask her how "we" are, and if me living with her is something we have to get used to before we're entirely comfortable (i only moved in yesterday, ill be here until just after christmas i think) i get expected answers, things i knew she'd say
um.. i cant think of anything else... actually now that i write it all down it seems im now being as bad as i thought, but thats for u to decide
things im sure of..
there is no other guy, 100% sure on that
she loves me and wants to make it work no matter what, 100% there too
i need to not be needy and act like a man
can you give me some advice on what i can do just to make sure i dont become needy, because we have something special here and i dont want to ruin things by coming on too strong
i know things like the obvious ones, dont always be around her, dont give off the impression that she is my whole life and i cant be without her.
but just things i can do around the house that show her im not needy but at the same time show im thinking about her... hmmm..
im wondering if im wording this question right lol, we'll see
thanks for any help
This may seem like a lot of work I have laid out here but it isn't really and I have to say, the pay off is huge. Confident adults go places no one else does. And everything, not just relationships, gets easier, I promise.
Go back and read Val's post several times. This is a long-term project, so don't be impatient or get frustrated when everything isn't fixed all at once. She's right. It's not as hard as it sounds, and the payoff is huge.
You are on the right track paying attention to what you are doing which is good. Don't get hyper about it. One handy thing I can offer to you, Imation, that I learned from my therapist and even the "Jesus Camp" has cashed in on is .... when you are in doubt about what to do, think of a confident, grown up, independent yet still loving man and ask yourself -- what would he do? Then do that.
I did this using an actual acquaintence named Sasha who I thought was the living example of what a healthy, whole, grown up, autonomous person was and it worked a lot of the time LOL.
Another one if you start to freak out over past stuff you can't do anything about or you get to projecting future disasters out of thin air, ask yourself "How's My Now?" And if its fine, act accordingly, okay? LOL Easy peasy! Thinking about stuff in order to better learn is one thing but freaking out about it is not productive. Don't need any of that freight train brain LOL
You are on the right track paying attention to what you are doing which is good. Don't get hyper about it. One handy thing I can offer to you, Imation, that I learned from my therapist and even the "Jesus Camp" has cashed in on is .... when you are in doubt about what to do, think of a confident, grown up, independent yet still loving man and ask yourself -- what would he do? Then do that.
I did this using an actual acquaintence named Sasha who I thought was the living example of what a healthy, whole, grown up, autonomous person was and it worked a lot of the time LOL.
Another one if you start to freak out over past stuff you can't do anything about or you get to projecting future disasters out of thin air, ask yourself "How's My Now?" And if its fine, act accordingly, okay? LOL Easy peasy! Thinking about stuff in order to better learn is one thing but freaking out about it is not productive. Don't need any of that freight train brain LOL
lol thanks val, your post gave me quite a smile. i feel that i am already on the road to recovery, i know its a little soon but i think i have taken my first step in the yellow brick road, i can still see it reaching over the horizon but time heals all
i dont think your being too needy, its pretty normal for someone to want attention from the person they love.
just remember she needs her own time as well, which you probably figured out, but if your unsure whether she wants her own time or not just ask, it wont kill you i promise.
dont stop reaching out and grabbing her hand or whatever you feel like doing (nothing suss).
you dont have to change, she fell in love with the person you are and she doesnt want you to change.
if you just be yourself but still remember she needs her own space and she has a big family so other people will be wanting her for something as well.
im sure your relationship will work out just fine
all the best
The best advice I saw was to stay busy with frineds and activities. You will be more attractive too, because you will have other interests to discuss.
Also, as Val has suggested, you have self love issues. You need to tell yourself daily how wonderful you are. You are obviously intelligent and articulate and you must be attractive,and kind else the whole family wouldn't be willing to take you in. Reaffirm these facts to yourself. Strive to better yourself by making plans for your future such as schooling. Even if funds are a problem, get a student loan and become someone that you want to be. Your whole future is in front of you. It is possible that you haven't met the right girl yet, the girl of your dreams. Remember, you are only seventeen. Love yourself and you will be more loveable. Guaranteed!!
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