You guys, I originally came on here because I needed a good slap in the head. I was having this affair, mostly an emotional one for me, and it wasnt good. I knew it was wrong but I continued. Well after months of counseling, I moved out a couple months, quit working since it was my boss and it seemed good. Although my husband insisted I come back to work. Its been ok here. I have had a week moment here and there but never went back or looked back.

Well, while I had moved out someone at my husnbands work showed interest in him. He was like a little school boy telling me. Sure I was jealous and sure it hurt and I know it killed him knowing about my affair. But the thing is, before I moved back home we talked and I told him to make sure I was what he wanted. I didnt want him pursuing her to get me back as revenge. He seemed like he wanted to go after this girl. But no, he told me to come home. So the next day I move everything back home. Its all been a big fat lie. He has been seeing her behind my back since that day. He told me to come home and we would work on it and he still went to her.

Yes, I know I did it to. But I put it out there. I told him to go have at her if thats what he wanted. I knew I hurt him and I left it open for him to decide. Thats whats hurting me right now. I told him to pursue her if he wanted. Instead he told me to move home. Then he still pursued her. So I feel like this entire effort has been a big fat lie. Then the worse part, he has brought my son around her. I never ever would or have done that. Isnt he smarter then that?

Now I sit here thinking what the hell do I do? Do I sit back and feel the pain like I caused him? Do I ask him to try again and just call it even? Or do I ask him to leave and be done with it? I am at a blank because he wanted me home and I have been bending over backwards to show him I wanted it to work. With nothing in return. I guess its over and where the hell do I go from here?

UGH! I hate life! I am sorry guys for sounding like one of those stupid women. I deserve what I get in return and am not looking for pity of any kind. I guess right now I just need to vent and dont know who or where to vent.

talaniman

Leave, and don't come back. Right now neither of you has the right tools, or the willingness to work together. You both need a clean slate, and a fresh start, leaving will give you that.

artlady

I think you need to stop beating yourself up.It really is counter productive.

You have paid your dues on this issue.Berating yourself is going to affect your ability to focus and stay centered on what you have to do next.

You did not deserve to have him cheat.He made that choice and it was a poor one.
He said he wanted you back and he deceived you.

Have you asked him to end the affair? What does he have to say about this?
Does he plan on continuing on with her?

adam_89

I had to spread the rep but Tal is completely right.

I was cheated on twice before in past relationships and it does hurt but I would have never tried to get even with them over it. I find someong not worthy of me if they cheat on me. So, I kick them to the curb and try and move on. You know there will be a better life out there Sunny. I know it won't be as easy since you have a kid with him, but just keep moving forward.

88sunflower

I did mention him not speaking to her, he just stared at me. I mentioned we have no trust now, he just stared at me. I mentioned him lying about it, he said there was nothing going on. Then why lie? He just stared at me again. I said for him to move out, he continued to stare at me. Get out and dont come back. I gave it my all he screwed up.

Stringer

Sadly this is true, I see no other way. (Tal, I had to spread the good .....)

Sunny, we are friends and I do have some things that I would like to say, but at the moment I don't have the time, so I will get back shortly hon.

itried

I'm not trying to sound mean or anything like that, but it sounds like you're getting what you deserve. I think it was a mistake to come back to him because he had this planned out the whole time. He's angry, resentful and vengeful. The only reason he wanted you to come back was so that he could hurt you like you hurt him. He is getting some sort of validation by doing this and frankly, I don't blame him because he's evening up with you. You hurt him and he immediately has the opportunity to get back at you so he took it. He probably wouldn't have been able to carry on with you unless he got this out of his system.

I think you should have taken time apart from each other (longer than what you did) because he isn't willing to work with you. He just wants revenge and you made it way too easy for him to get it. Your relationship is poisoned now. There is no trust and there is no respect. It will come up again.

88sunflower

I do agree with this, I got what I deserved. I will never say what I did was right. But he had every chance under the sun to move on. I have a son who I bounced back and forth for two months. Even if his intentions were to get me back, thats poor parenting on his part. For one, he brought my son around her. I never did that and never ever once thought it. I would think our sons interest would be his first concern. If he made this choice on purpose then its only going to effect my boy again. When we were out and settled already. Why would he have me move us both back home, only to do this and have to move again?

I do deserve all of this and I agree. But my point is we sat on our bed one night and had a talk about making it or breaking it. He wanted to make it. I have put in every effort and 110% to show him how sorry I am, to show him how hard I am trying and to show him he can trust again. He made the wrong choice this time. I know this marriage will never ever be the same. Since this happened and I confronted him I have asked him to leave over and over. We agreed when I moved back home if it didnt work out he would leave. Now he isnt leaving. I want him to go. I asked him to. I asked him what he thought it was going to be like for us now if we stayed together? Well worse of course. I just spent seven months busting my butt to fight for something that was a lie. Yes I had it coming. But now that I want it over he wants to try and he is sorry. Hmmm I thought we were doing that?

88sunflower

So I sit here with my thoughts. My husband is at work and my son is sleeping. I think about what is to come for my future and I want to avoid it. I want this to work but know its not possible. Whats funny is there is one comment on this entire site that sits and rings in my ears right now. Its from the one and only chuff.


"The fear of being alone can overshadow what love really is."

Sad but true isnt it? Wise words.

amicon

yes sunny very wise words.and sad-I think a number of us stay or has stayed in rubbish relationships because we fear being alone :-)

88sunflower

I honestly think thats one reason he wont leave. When we were having troubles because of my poor choices. He had a break down and said he didnt want to live alone like his dad. You see his dad was for one an alcoholic. He was also a very bad diabetic. He had strokes. Lost limbs. He just didnt take care of himself and was in a nursing home for 20 plus years. Pretty much in the end he lost his mind. Not to mention his wife left him long before all this.

So being my husband is a pretty bad diabetic he instantly sees us divorcing and his life following that path that his fathers did. But he doesnt drink like his father did. He takes better care of himself. He just doesnt want to be alone. I think sometimes a person being alone is great. It gives you time to grow and learn who you are. I think we both need that.