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Ive been dating this guy for about 4 months and now were both completely convinced that what we share is true love and we want to spend the rest of our lives together, only recently ive been starting to feel really fat and ugly due to the comments he makes about me. Not only that he has made me start to feel really jealous of my sister.
my sister is beautiful and is a size 8, i on the other hand am a size 10/12 and im not exactly what you call and ugly duckling, ive had many boyfriends in the past who all tell me im beautiful and have loved my body.
Going back to the first time we had sex he called me my sisters name, but we sorted it out and i forgave him because he was a bit drunk, the other day he compared me to being the same size as one of my friends who is a size 14, and mentioned how skinny my sister was in comparison to the both of us (me and my friend). yesterday he talked about getting tickets for us to see a concert in the summer and he said he was gonna get one for my sister too. today we were on the phone and out of the blue he asked me why ive stopped going to the gym, and it just really upset me.
i understand he is being nice to my sister due to the fact that she is my sister and he wants to make a good impression on my family, but i cant help but feel really jealous, he makes me feel ugly and i hate it because noone has ever done this to me before.
however i cant forget what a lovely person he is, he does soo much for me and always keeps a smile on my face but its just little things he says that make me become all emotional and sad, i really dont know what to do and what to think of this?
These aren't "little things". These things he says are the same things that make people hate themselves every day. This may not be what you want to hear, but you need to leave him. He isn't being nice to your sister to "get in good with the family." He's doing it a) because he WANTS to make you jealous or b) because he likes your sister. You can't hang around and let this guy continuously insult you. You say one of the good things is that he always puts a smile on your face, but everything else you've said says otherwise. You need to get out of this relationship because he is killing your confidence and that's something you should hold dear to yourself. If you let him walk all over you, he will. You are a sweetheart, I can tell by the way you keep forgiving his actions or brushing them off. You are too sweet for your own good. Stand up for yourself honey. There is only one person in this world that will look out for your sole happiness and that is you! Take care of yourself baby girl. Find a man who can treat you with the respect you deserve.
Are you sure that it is not your sister he really wants to date? Either he stops acting like a jerk and grows up to be a man or you find yourself someone who does not have this fascination with your sister.
What he is doing is a form of mental abuse. I am not kidding. One can only take so much of that garbage before realizing that enough is enough. This guy is playing some serious head games with you. Do not allow him to do that. You are you and beautifully made just as you are. There is NOTHING wrong in being a size 12 or 10 or 8 or 22. If he truly loves you, he loves all of you and does not throw the comparison at you.
Oh, and please do not excuse him being drunk when he called out your sister's name. There are no excuses for that. He actually was saying the truth then - alot of truth comes out in a drunken state of being. The inhibitions are gone. Still, why even bother with this guy any longer? He is using you to gain a closeness to your sister.
Good morning mia777...
I disagree with what the other have posted so far in regards to your situation. There is no question, in what you have said, that you and this man love one another. With that said we than need to look at what is really happening here and to do that we have to understand how different men and women think and communicate.
I don't think he wants your sister at all. I think he does love you. Men, as well know, don't always say what they mean. He may wat you to keep active as being smaller, if you were when you met, might look sexier to him. However, you hear him saying you are fat, which you didn't say he said that. You also mention him using your sister as an example, in regards to weight, I think he thought that was acceptable because he might have just been using a person you both can physically look at because you both know her.
Remember ladies what we have been taught about men and that is that we give them to much credit. As women we assume too much about the way they think and feel. Which men come back and say, 'Wait that's not what I meant'
Another thing to remember is that you have to ask yourself have you ever complained about your weight, or how you looked, while he was around? To him he might have heard that think you look great but after several times of hearing you unhappy about the 'little things' you don't like your body, he tries to solve the problem. Men are built like that, they want to make us happy, so they go into Mr. Fix it mode. I don't think, based upon what you shared that he is trying to be direspectful or tell you he does not like the way you look. He needs to improve the manner in which he delivers his words and the way he approaches your concerns, but don't most men?
Also I would challenge you to think about the way you have expressed yourself, in regards to how much this has been bothering you. Have you been direct with him and told him how much this hurts your feelings, how it makes you feel like you are too fate for him, how you think he is more attracted to your sister and so on? Have you done said those words, that directly, to him yet?
If not, you cannot expect him to read your mind, that's unfair. As women, we too easily blame our problems on the one we love, rather than our own approach. I think if you were direct he might be as surprised as you that you feel this way and he will probably feel awful that he has unknowingly, played a major part in making you feel this way.
If what you say is tru, that you both feel like you have met the love of your lives. Than you need to learn how to be open and communicate. But you also need to learn how to really listen to what he is hearing and visa/versa. Don't make assumptions, be direct, understand each others perspective before casting out decisions.
If you do these things I think it will help ease some of the stress you feel from the man you love and he , in return, will understand and be more sensitive to your needs and feelings.
Try giving him the benefit of the doubt, after all this is the man you love, he deserves at least that doesn't he?
Your relationship and your future together deserves that.
Are you sure he is all that??? First of all 4 months is not a lot of time to really know someone, and plan a future and secondly, why are you allowing him to make you feel bad about yourself. Tell him to cut it out. You have a right to express yourself when he makes you angry, or insecure. Stand up for yourself, and do so.
thanks soo much guys for all ur help and guidance, reading all ur comments brought tears to my eyes, cause it made me realise how much power guys have to make us girls feel disgusting in our own bodies, i really appreciate it x
Did we establish at all if she and the 'love of her life' of four months have communicated about this concern of hers? Or did I just respond and enter a male bashing party in which I didn't want an invitation to?
What happened with giving somebody the benefit of the doubt? What happen to second chances? What happen with asking him or communicationg with him period?
Thank goodness this man is not on trial and you all are the judge, jury and executioner!
Did we establish at all if she and the 'love of her life' of four months have communicated about this concern of hers? Or did I just respond and enter a male bashing party in which I didn't want an invitation to?
What happened with giving somebody the benefit of the doubt? What happen to second chances? What happen with asking him or communicationg with him period?
Thank goodness this man is not on trial and you all are the judge, jury and executioner!
Her feeling bad was good enough for me, I bashed no one. Just giving an opinion, as you are entitled to also.
There is no male bashing going on. She reported that he puts her down, compares her to her sister, makes comments about her weight, makes her feel bad, makes her feel ugly. If this OP were a guy posting about his gf - it would be the same. NO ONE has any rights to make another person feel insignificant or worth less than the other.
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