I keep on the path of NC but then in recent weeks I keep being drawn to breaking it!

Firstly, I became an Uncle 4 weeks ago. I thought about texting my ex to tell her the news but decided not too. She knew before I commenced NC (which I told her I was doing nearly 8 mths ago) that was on the cards. I decided that if she wanted to find out, she could.

Secondly, it was her birthday nearly a week ago. I thought about messaging, but decided not too. Again, not a reason to break NC!

I have now found out (from a mutual friend who knows her brother) that her sister has just had a baby. She obviously found out about this pregnancy not long after I started NC, so I didn't know about it.

I am now debating whether or not to just send a non committal congratulatory text.

I honestly think I am passed the stage of sending a text like that with any expectation. Although the reality is that if I do text, it will lead to a "how are you" etc etc conversation. We may then meet up, she may try and run the lets stay friends line (which I said no to 8 mths ago 4 mths after she dumped me - it wasn't working!) who knows!

I always thought that I should try and be a nice person, so am debating this congratulatory text.

Any thoughts? Should I message? Does she deserve it? I am very unsure what to do after mths of sticking to NC!!

Smoked

What are the circumstances in which you both agreed to have no contact? Is this in the hopes of giving one another time for reconciliation? Or, is this "please do not ever talk to me again" type of thing?

nickshehe

I also find myself with things that I wouldve mentioned to my ex and we wouldve had a good laugh or a deep conversation over but when its over it should be over..It's up to you whether or not to message but first you have to ask yourself if you have any feelings for her that would lead you to wanting a relationship again..There are several threads circling around that mention becoming friends with an ex..It's possible but you should have your feelings sorted first..If you're going to text her and you both start talking and you start feeling the need to progress with things and get back together - then don't text her, maintain NC and continue with life, it'll be better for you in the long run..
If you can honestly tell yourself that you're fine with being friends, it wouldn't hurt you the least bit if she said she's seeing someone now or something along the lines of that..and you genuinely want to be friends with her - then its your call..
But im sensing that this isn't the case.
It's also your call to decide if she deserves your friendship..I feel my ex doesn't, so even though I love her I'm not allowing myself to contact her again unless I'm sure I've climbed down that hill I put myself on - for good.

Questions2007

We broke up just over a year ago. She ran the lets stay friends line, I was unsure but agreed to the request. 2 or 3 mths later it became clear it wasn't working on that basis. She was treating me as a surrogate (though we weren't sleeping together) she was inviting me for dinner, getting our old holiday pics out, wanting to watch romantic films etc. I thought it was right for us to try again, she said no. I commenced NC, told her I was doing it, and said it was better we weren't in touch unless she wanted to contact me to chat about us. I made clear friendship wouldn't work. Neither of us has contacted the other since.

Questions2007

I don't think I could be friends with her. I have made that clear in the past. If I contacted it would be as her ex to tell her my news and congratulate her on her news.

nickshehe

Sorry to be so raw but when it's over it's over then..
She chose to remove you from her life for whatever reason, and she hasn't contacted you yet even though I'm sure she would have found reason too if she was still interest in you..
I know it's harsh and it sucks but theres nothing you can do about it..If you contact her - she will assume that you want to be friends and that will cause confusion on your part and you would have taken one huge step backwards..
Let it be.
Haven't you met any other girls you are keen on?

samesame

Stick to no contact. I'm sure she has plenty of reasons to contact you as well, but she is not for a reason. If she broke up with you, just back off. There needs to be an end. Realize that there will always be reasons for you to contact her as long as you're looking for them. From what I can see, you're still hung up on her, so you should let it go. If you don't, get ready to rip opened the wounds again.

ISneezeFunny

I understand what you mean in the sense that you continue to want to send a "simple" HELLO, CONGRATS...but as I said before, what will this accomplish? What are you expecting from this? If she responds, what do you expect her to say...? If she doesn't respond, will you be a bit disappointed?

My ex did contact me on my birthday, but I ignored it. She did send me e-mails, but again, I ignored them...why? Because my way of doing NC is treating her as if she's a stranger to me...of course, if I run into her on campus, I'll smile and say a quick hi before walking away, but that's simply so that I don't come off as being rude.

In your case, I feel that I wouldn't contact her...as it will prove nothing and it will produce nothing. If you run into her on the street and she decides to tell you of this, then of course, by all means, tell her congrats. Unless she's in the hospital (hopefully she won't be...) or something more urgent comes up, then shy away.

Questions2007

I think that may be right. When she split, she was adamant on the "lets stay friends" line. I was very unsure, but really said yes because I thought it may keep the door open and also because she had some problems that only I knew about and didn't want to leave her on her own to deal with.

To be fair, it was me who imposed the NC. She didn't want to do it, but only wanted to stay friends. I said to her that we weren't acting like friends, it was like when we were together, she disagreed but then said she understood why "we had to say goodbye".

So I think she may welcome contact from me, but might assume I was ready to be friends, when I am not and am not sure I ever will be!

In answer to your second question, I have met loads of women! But none who I connect with in the same way.

confused25

I think this says it all. Once you break No Contact she may very well think that you are ready to be friends, which will only hurt you more. I only suggest breaking No Contact if you just don't care what happens. I have a feeling that deep down you want to contact her because you are hoping it will rekindle the lost relationship. However, if this isn't the case, than go ahead and contact her, but without the expectations.