After a 4 year relationship I got tired of my relationship and broke up! What to do?
Asked Oct 8, 2008, 09:36 AM
I'm a gay guy (36 yo) and I dated for 4 years this BI guy(40 yo), at the beginning it was a bit hard for me, I'm very comfortable with being gay! Came out 8 years ago, any way, at the beginning of the relationship I had to pretend in front of his friends that we were just friends, some times after a party at his house I would have to pretend to leave the place and wait around the corner waiting for everybody to leave so I can come back to spend the night, in public he wasn't very affectionate, after a couple of yeas he was more comfortable with his sexuality and he came out to some friends and some of his family, still not out to any friends at work, even that he is a model, so every time we hang out around the model crew I was still just the friend.
In my eyes, I felt like he was the one for me, so I always try to work things out with him, if we had a fight I wanted to talk as soon as we could to fix things, he needed some time to think about the issue before we can talk, some times 4 days or more so we can talk. Along the relationship I always felt that I was giving more or expressing my love for him more then he was, I realize that people express love in different ways, so I learned on how to live with that too. I felt that I was going the extra mile for him, taking care of him when he was sick, making sure all the time that he was ok, I think I love him more that my self, I would be late for work every time we spend the night together, would wake up at 4 am to take him to the airport, even I would pick him up at the airport 3 days after surgery, I would cook, bbq for his friends, he is also a massage therapist but still I gave him a back rub way more often then him giving me one, I'm just a very caring person and I was happy with that, I was more close to his friends then he was to my friends. He did cook for me some times, treat me for dinners, etc, but I feel he wouldn't go the extra mile for me (maybe that's my mistake). Also, in public he would be way friendlier with his friends (guys and girls) then with me. Just 4 days before we broke up, I help him a lot with an event he was doing, after the event he did mention every body that help him, expect for me! So that was a bit hard on me too.
At the beginning he did told me that he wasn't sure what he wanted, but he also told me that he wanted to have a normal relationship with a guy.
He is more of the present moment type of guy, a free soul I would say, and I'm more of a planner and love having dreams and goals in life and I wanted to share this dreams with him, when he was asked about his future, he would say I want to go here, I want to do this, etc for me it was about us, doing something but together, we never could plan a trip in advance because you would never know if he might have a casting or something, so everything was always last minute, one more time, I had to learn how to deal with that. But over all I felt like I wasn't part of his future plans, after 4 years, we never trade keys from each other apartment; we didn't plan things for the future, etc... I even told him that I would put him on my insurance since he doesn't had one, just for an emergency, but he would never wanted to talk about it.
He is a very friendly guy, is very easy for him to meet new people and people were attracted to him too (handsome and interesting), he loves helping people, he would meet new people and go out for a coffee or lunch to help them with something, but I would never meet this people (guys or girls), so for me that was a bit odd, also on the pass we had some issues with trust (online issues) I can really say I just didn't trust him, I can admit that I was very insecure when he was meeting some one new, my insecurity came up as jealousy, so I used to ask tons of questions about this person, he felt that it was like an interrogation, and I can see his point, I just don't know if my insecurities are part also in the fact that I wasn't secure of the relationship? I know I'm not perfect and I take responsibility for my mistakes, not sure he is doing the same! So I'm just tired of trying but not sure if I should give up? Haven't talked to him in a few weeks, we still have some things from each other, but I don't want to be the first one (again) to try to reach him for a good closure. What should I do? Maybe I'm missing something? Should I just move on with my life? I just think I'm tired of trying!
Thanks in advance, sorry for the long story and also sorry if my writing is not that perfect (English is my second language)