I wasn't sure where to ask this question, so I hope this is an appropriate category...

I am a 26 year old woman, in a committed relationship. As a hobby, I have several pen pals from around the world, male and female. When I first "meet" a prospective pen pal, I always make it perfectly clear that I am not interested in a romantic relationship, just friendship and an exchange of ideas / cultures. Usually this is no problem, but I am noticing a trend with African pen pals... they all seem to want a romantic relationship, even though they don't know me at all and have been told I am "attached". For example, the other day I received a letter from a new pen pal in Uganda. In the 2 page letter, this man tells me nothing about himself or his family, just says over and over again how much he misses me and that he knows I am the one for him, that we were destined to be together, etc, etc... I have received similar letters from African men in Ghana, Nigeria... even African men studying abroad in Europe. I have yet to get a "serious" friendship letter from any man on the African continent.

I have no trouble with men in other places... I have male penpals in Jamaica, Thailand, the Canary Islands, India... but they are all respectful and just friends. I also have female penpals from Africa and they are fine too. I hate to give up on all male pen pals in Africa, but I've had so many bad experiences. What I'm wondering is, why is this??? Is it a cultural thing? A language barrier? I'm really stumped as to why African men are the only ones I have trouble with. I am not at all racist and feel awkward about asking, but if anyone can enlighten me I'd really appreciate it!

CaptainForest

First thing, do you have them mail the letters to your house or a special PO Box you have set up? If you can afford it, I would suggest you get a PO Box if you don't already have it. It saves any potential dangerous situations in the future.

Second, African men. Asking about it doesn’t mean racist since you are talking about an actual trend that I too have seen.

Why is that? Could be for many reasons such as they want to get out of Africa and they think you will help them preclude that. Or perhaps it is because they are very lonely romantically and want anyone. However, I am inclined to say its b/c they want to leave Africa and they have picked you to get them out. Perhaps they might also be delusional and think that they are also in love with you. Perhaps they love you for potentially getting them out of a place they long to leave.

orange

Thanks for the quick response! Yes I have a P.O. Box. I would never feel safe penpaling otherwise.... good suggestion though, as I have friends who write and use REAL addresses. Scary.

Thanks for all the different possibilities.... you're right, it could be any of those. I still don't get it though... the 2 men I correspond with in India are not living in the best of situations either... and the one is hoping to move to North America, yet he doesn't try to "use" me to do so. It's weird, but I am glad that you have also noticed a trend, which means I am not totally imagining things!

Chery

I've received many emails (don't know how they got the address) and I think it is a scheme and/or a scam to get out of their country any way possible - even swear they are super religious and that God has led them to me, etc. I know that things are not easy for many poor people in that region, but some men actually try to use women to get out of their situation. Please be careful, especially from those in Ghana, and Nigeria. There are many men from there that will even try and pay you to marry them just to get out of their country as some might be politically hunted for some reason or another and actually fear death and prosecution. There are quite a few young German girls who have done this, and when they get caught, they go to jail for being married for money, and the men get sent back to Africa.
It's not just your imagination!.. Better safe than sorry!

orange

Thanks Chery! Wow I had no idea this was happening to many other girls. Especially the part about God leading them to me. Many of the guys have said something to that effect, or mentioned how ultra-religious, honest, hard working they are, etc. It's really too bad that Ghana and Nigeria are so notorious for scamming of all kinds. I do feel for people in poor conditions but using or scamming me is NOT cool. I guess I will have to give up trying to write to African men all together.

Chery

I have a dentist friend here and he's from the Ivory Coast (wonderful sexy accent) and he and his family go to South Africa on vacation a lot. I'll ask him what safe areas one can write to and get back with you. The political situations seem to change more than some people change their underwear, in that country, unfortunately. But I'll keep you posted.


It is a shame, but one person can't save the whole world! Happy Holidays!

one_life

LOL. I couldn't stop laughing. I guess they believe white women are easily fooled. You should see the flock of euro women of all ages come down to africa, just to get boned by african men. Some of these women also take back some of the men with them. I'm not kidding you.

In your case, they are just trying to get a better life, and they believe you can give them that.

orange

Thanks one_life... wow it's practically an epidemic!! Glad I'm not so naive as all those women you and Chery have mentioned!

I forgot to mention though... not to be petty or anything, but why do you assume I (or German women for that matter) are white? The issue here is not skin color but rather the area of the world (Africa) that the men are coming from. There are people of all races here in Canada who act appropriately.

Chery

Welcome back one_life, where have ya been? If you would see what german men these days have to offer and how they treat women, you'd understand the german woman's choice. The majority of the german men are either skinheads, drunks, young and unemployed - and don't really want to work (enjoy living off the state), also have middle aged values and ideas regarding relationships - and of course are never to blame when things go wrong!. Gee, that sounds like a great percent of the remainder of the world's men, so I should be careful about placing any group of men in a barrel. There are acceptions to this, but very rare right now, unfortunately. On the other hand, in Africa, you really can't blame them for trying to seek a better life.
Everyone still can have their dreams...

mrnubia

Hi There!

I am a male from Africa, live in Cape Town to be precise. I have read your observations regarding African males and am quite sorry to hear that your experience with some aren't too pleasant. That can't be too encouraging.

May I however suggest that u do not form general opinion about such a vast group of persons simply because some have disappointed you. Neither should u believe that all African males are desperate to leave Africa at all costs. Quite the contrary, I am a black professional, run my own record label and radio station, and have been overseas quite a few times. Though I love visiting other countries, I have no desire to live there. These are exciting times for Africa with endless possibilities. I know the images u are confronted with by the media still harbour on Tarzan like stories, but the Africa of today is modern, developing and going places.

Seems that the males u have run into are looking for someone to leach off, not unlike an American black female penpal I met who was sending me smooches shortly after we met!
So there are those who express love without knowing someone, but that should provide a window into that person's paradigm. Stay clear, wether they be African or otherwise. The rest of us are excitedly making our millions and love and have friends all over the world! Good luck.