Hi, Can you help with some advice.

I began seeing a girl (18) who is bisexual and who I really liked. When I started seeing her she told me she was going to university in a month. Because of this I thought it would be nothing serious. We had a month of great times and became really close. (honeymoon period). When she left for uni, she wanted us to continue together as a couple.

During her first week away. She missed me and i travelled down to see her. Everything was great. We used to talk all night on every subject. However the subject came onto sexual fantasy and 3 sum sex. We discussed a role play fantasy situation in which another man was involved. After wards she told me she had already done this with a previous partner and a friend of his that she did not know. A stranger! The girl had previously made a huge effort to tell me that she did not know how anyone could sleep with a stranger, she could not do it and thats why I could trust her.

When I heard this, I questioned around the subject of it being a stranger, but instead of discussing and reasuring me she closed off and stonewalled me. This lead to me doubting the type of person I was with. I subsequently lost my temper and said some horrible things about her. She ended the relationship. I had not just stopped to listen to her side of things.

I have since then tried to get us back together but she just wanted to remain friends. Every time we talked or texted each other we ended up in an argument. I got angry at this, frustrated and lashed out, saying again some horrible things. She is now not speaking to me.

I really love this girl and i am angry at my reaction and want her back. However she is not speaking to me at the moment.

Can you advise on how I get this girl back into my life and also how I deal with what she has done!

If she had done this as two couples experimenting in their sex lives I could accept this. But to be uses as a sex object from a man who will brag about this as a trophy and her ex partner who has clearly shown her no respect is disgusting to me. How can she let herself be used like this, especially when she acts and gives off the impression she is totally different.

She is now saying that this action was a mistake, evan though she did not say this at the time. She is friends with all her ex's and says I have treat her with more disrespect than any other partner. ( I did not let my friends use her? ). This hurts.


I am very confused as to where to go now, how to proceed. Can you helpl

starlite1

The fact that you removed her from your online social network is a good start. You have to continue on with your life without her, as she has moved on. You have to do the same for yourself. I know it isn't easy, but there is no other option.

ZoeMarie

One thing that I want to point out is that just because she moved on doesn't mean you meant nothing to her. I have a couple ex boyfriends that meant the world to me at one point but after a while you learn whether or not there's a future with the one you're with. It sounds like you did the right thing. It's time now for you to move on. Good luck!

artlady

Because she has moved on with her life does not necessarily mean what you had meant nothing to her.She has moved on and that is a healthy thing to do when a relationship has ended.

If you can't handle seeing texts and so forth then distance yourself from that as much as possible.Do whatever it takes to heal and not cause yourself further pain.

4answers

I just dread seeing her again. It means nothing to her seeing me but an inconvenience ! But for me it a wrong choice I should of walked.. She pushed for marraige as well...

God this sucks, how can I still have so much feeling and she have none

artlady

You can't know for certain how anyone feels.She may be showing one persona to the world while inside she is struggling also.You just can't know and it is counter productive to your healing to obsess about it.

88sunflower

You cant blame her for moving on. You made a choice and she moved on. Would you have felt better if she would have cried and begged for you to come back? Or stalked you? None of that is healthy. She moved on for a reason. You werent the right one for her. Now you need to let go and move on also. You almost sound like you have resentment becuase she is over her past.

BMI

Once again, you cannot assume she cares nothing for you. There is not one girl I have been close to that I can honestly say I care nothing for. I would never wish to be with them again but I still cherish the time we did spend and wish them all a happy life.

As for the social network, I deleted my whole facebook account over the same issue, i couldn't deal with it at the time. After awhile I cared less and less until I could really care less about what or who or when in regards to her. If it helps you get better and on track than you will do anything it takes, or at least you should.

4answers

There is resentment there, because I asked her back when she was single and she turned me donw for a guy she was not even dating ! This from the girl who wanted marraige... That hurts so much...

And now she is married to him... The full relationship was deceipt.

88sunflower

No I dont feel it was deceit. I think she realized who she was and what she wanted after your splitting with her. Would you rather she chose you while she had her mind on someone else? That would have been deceit. Every relationship I have been in I pictured marriage. But then things happen and thoughts and feelings come along. I think you know you need to move on and let go. Have you even dated? Or have you tried?

kctiger

It is not deceit, it is life. To fully let go you have to realize it wasn't meant to be, and hanging onto anger over her is just eating you up, and doing NO GOOD!

My credo in life: If a girl doesn't want you anymore, or didn't want you to begin, then BYE! There are plenty out there who will appreciate me. Life is too short to worry about someone who doesn't want you.