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Asked Aug 21, 2012, 09:43 AM — 4 Answers
my ex broke up with me last month.. we didn't speak for 2 weeks she contacted me.. we spoke, she cried..etc.. we started talking more and more.. she said she wanted to build a friendship etc... anytime we hung out though, we held hands, we kissed, we were affectionate with each other. she said to me that she still loves me and misses me.. she even sent me a text saying its hard to tell the mind to stop loving someone, when the heart still does. she told me she just doesnt want to be in a relationship.. however, that being said i broke news to her that i could not continue this confusing friendship we had going and that it was time for me to walk away and let her live the life she wants to live...i told her that being friends is only good in theory and that we cant pretend that when we see each other, there isn't a connection..... did i ruin my chances to maybe get back with her?... do i contact her? do i not contact her?...

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seancally's Avatar
seancally Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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#2

Aug 21, 2012, 09:44 AM
* she hasn't responded to me when i said that.. soo idk if shes pissed at me or what..
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,894, Reputation: 24408
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#3

Aug 21, 2012, 09:47 AM


Trying to stay friends after a breakup doesn't work, is too confusing, like you said. Thus, it's better to make a clean break and do No Contact.

Others will come along and respond to you to give you ideas on how you can piece your life together without her.
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seancally's Avatar
seancally Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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#4

Aug 21, 2012, 09:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
Trying to stay friends after a breakup doesn't work, is too confusing, like you said. Thus, it's better to make a clean break and do No Contact.

Others will come along and respond to you to give you ideas on how you can piece your life together without her.
do you think with no contact and leaving her with that will maybe idk make her think or realize? my concern is did i ruin my chances of maybe getting back with her. however, i just couldn't go through with talking every so often or seeing every now an again.
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,894, Reputation: 24408
Jobs & Parenting Expert
  
#5

Aug 21, 2012, 10:10 AM


Quote:
Originally Posted by seancally View Post
do you think with no contact and leaving her with that will maybe idk make her think or realize? my concern is did i ruin my chances of maybe getting back with her. however, i just couldn't go through with talking every so often or seeing every now an again.
The point of No Contact is just that -- with the intent to help you heal and move on. If you want to keep your chances open and stay in touch with her, continue as you have been with the mixed messages and approach-avoidance behavior, but it rarely works out that things will turn in your favor.

She has broken up with you, but as a female and a pleaser (most us have been trained to be one), she can't completely let go because she doesn't want you to think mean thoughts about her.

And No Contact means exactly that -- no phone calls, no texting, no in-person conversation or hugs, and if you see her hanging about, walk the other way.
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