| 9 Months and I lost it with OCD
Hello, This is my first post, i have been clicking around this site for a few months, its is very useful and helpful and now i find myself with a question, so i hope i can receive some help
I dated a girl for 9 months and it recently took a turn for the worst. I met her through my younger brothers girlfriend, it was a random oh hey nice to meet you sort of deal and then it turned into so much more. I am currently 23, and my ex girlfriend is 17. Yes i understand there is a significant difference in age but to me, it was just a number. I have always been the single guy just out there having fun and not wanting to have a relationship, until i met this girl. We had an instant bond, a connection like no other and it seemed so perfect. I met her parents expecting the worst because of my age and because i have a few tattoos, and it actually went very well.
We started dating a little bit over a month after we had met, we were so into one another, everything was always smiling and such, like it seemed too good to be true, but it went so well. I would say 6 months into the relationship, there seemed to be somewhat of a drastic change, suddenly the little cute gestures weren't around any longer, but it seemed to be a constant fight. When i say it was a fight, im not saying like a huge ordeal over something, but it was a small argument that i myself couldn't let go, or look past. I fell in love with this girl, im 23 and ive dated and this is the first girl ive fallen in love with, and we stayed together, we seemed to work out our issues with conversation, but like i said, the littlest things were still boiling up in my head and never went away. We recently broke up and to be honest, it was the hardest thing to deal with. She told me numerous times "I love you, and i love bein with you, but i dont want this relationship anymore". Now when i heard that numerous times, its like ok you want me but no relationships, but she would say i cant have both so i need to let you go completely. I was bummed out, we hung out a few times after we "broke up" and every time, it seemed perfect, she was all kissy and lovey dovey, yet every time we ended the night, it was back to the "i love you but cant be with you" type thing.
It recently took a turn for the worst, we continued to talk on and off and then i recieve an email from her mother telling me that im a good guy, she trusted me but not to speak with her anylonger because it is going to turn into harassment. I saw this and my heart dropped. It was like ok were still on good terms and suddenly its gone to hell and i cant speak with her any longer? I talked to the ex about it and she said herself to leave her alone, shes done, doesn't ever see us working out again, and i need to move on...So what happened? Im standing here in a state of shock where no matter what i say to her, she gets mad at me and says to leave her alone!
I went to the doctor the other day for myself, because i felt as if there was something going on chemically in my mind, where i had no control over my emotions, or things i say, because after they happen, i look back and say, what the hell was i thinking, but i get depressed about it because i have no idea why i did it in the first place. The doctor gave me numerous tests and i spoke with him for quite some time and he informed me that i have OCD, "obsessive compulsive dis-order" And to be honest with you, i kinda had a feeling about this when my ex and i were togehter. It all came back to the arguements that i couldnt drop, or the trust issues i had for no real reason, the OCD that i had developed seemed to have ruined my relationship!
I spoke with her about it and explained it to her and she told me not to use it as an excuse because i still did it, and yes i did, but i feel as if i had no control, So im asking whoever would like to respond to my somewhat screwed up story, what am i supposed to do when the girl i love no longer wants me around, and wont forgive me.......but it wasnt really me when i was upset and we fought, but it was more of the OCD that ruined this, any suggestions? Thank You
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