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5 Year Relationship going downhill. Please Help

Asked Mar 23, 2012, 12:55 AM — 3 Answers
Well I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years now, We started dating when we were both 14. For the first maybe 2 years we were on and off cause we both were constantly unfaithful to one another. There was a lot of talking to other people and flirting and stuff but there wasn't any serious cheating like sexually... Then all of a sudden my girlfriend completely changed and she started getting into our relationship, she was all about me and her. But I was still young and dumb and I continued to cheat. After about 3 years together she was beginning to become the best and most trustworthy girl I could ask for, we were like best friends.

I had another girl on the side that I would mess with every now and then. Anyways I got my girlfriend pregnant and one evening she called while I was with "the other girl" and the other got a hold of the phone without me knowing. Right off the bat I admitted what I did and she was hurt. Since she was pregnant she wanted to keep the baby and stay together. But me still being stuck in my ways convinced her into getting an abortion.. ...

4 years into the relationship I had quit cheating and we were both good and happy. My girlfriend wanted me to move in but I told her I'd think about it. After 3 months I decided to just move in with her.BUT HERES THE THING, when I moved in with her she began to change and started texting boys and stuff like that, no sexual cheating. Until recently she came to me and told me that had cheated on me and had sex with another guy. I know she doesn't completely trust me because of what I did to her but now its like she's acting the way I used to when she was faithful and vice versa. She told me she will change and she apologized but should I stay or go..I love her to death and she put up with the things I did to her so I feel like I should do the same for her and just wait for things to get better..

SHOULD I STAY, OR SHOULD I LEAVE...?

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3 Answers
Kahani Punjab's Avatar
Kahani Punjab Posts: 510, Reputation: 1087
Senior Member
  
#2

Mar 23, 2012, 01:42 AM
Alonzo 117,

I welcome you to this beautiful site, first!

Talk with her. That is the key.

Wait and watch. That is what I suggest.

See her, her attitude, her behaviour and her acts. That is what will evaporate much of the shade.

Trust her and trust yourself. That is what I want you to do.

Good luck! That is what I wish for both of you.
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JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 45,482, Reputation: 23573
Uber Member
  
#3

Mar 23, 2012, 09:56 AM
I think you have a very frank discussion about the past, present and future (what you both want) and then decide what happens next. Maybe you can get over your pasts. Maybe you can't.

I am more concerned that at 19 you have been together for 5 years. I certainly wasn't the same person at 19 that I was at 14. Have you mutually "outgrown" each other?

Would I blindly trust (either you OR her)? No. Would I have a frank discussion? Yes.

I post this all the time - I'm an investigator. There are serial cheaters who never stop. There are one-time cheaters who learn a BIG lesson. Only you know which category the two of you are in.
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,376, Reputation: 50376
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#4

Mar 23, 2012, 09:52 PM


If you are not willing to put you best foot forward, and make the effort to work hard, to build, thru honest communications then leave, and don't waste her time.
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