5 year relationship - Break up

kctiger · Dec 2, 2008, 04:34 PM

It seems like you are pretty level headed about this. Sometimes, things just don't work out. First thing is to learn to accept that, which it seems you have. I can tell you it doesn't make things any easier by living together, or remaining friends with her. That is going to be EXTREMELY hard, if not impossible to do if you want to be able to move on with your life. I feel for you and know it hurts. Good luck to you!

busterite · Dec 2, 2008, 05:22 PM

I understand what you are going through man. We grew up in the same social circle and now I find myself excluded from parties organised by people that I've known more than 10 years. Its ed up and it really hurts but I decided to open my social circle and make new friends. I hang out a lot with new friends and have a great time. I know that someday when things calm down I might be able to hang out with my old friends but for now its impossible. See in my case she is the one that cheated and left me for someone else but she hasn't told this to anyone, she has even spread rumours about me to people I know. I have decided to stay away from it all. So I suggest you get out there and meet new people, you never know what's waiting for you around the corner.

JohnD212 · Dec 2, 2008, 09:31 PM

No contact is the only thing you can do right now. I had a 6 year relationship end a little while ago and it can be very hard to see clearly for a while. This is a good time to get things done in your life that you put off or neglected. Try to avoid your ex at all costs. This isn't being mean to them...its being good to you.

Good luck!

Deicyde · Dec 3, 2008, 04:19 AM

Thanks for the kind words

My head seems so messed up right now. At times I feel good about the situation and know its the right thing at other times I burst into tears. I suppose it does not help that we are still living together and I am trying to get my things packed up to leave but it seems I am so overloaded with work that I am finding it very difficult to find the time.

I know I should do the no contact and avoid her but she is one of the nicest people I have met in my life and I don't want to give up having that in my life.

I am so confused on how I should feel. I am just a mess I guess

talaniman · Dec 3, 2008, 05:46 AM

Be patient with your self, as it will take time, but your work is cut out for you, as you have to rebuild a life that you enjoy without her. See this as an oppurtunity, to get better. It will!

Deicyde · Dec 4, 2008, 01:35 PM

I spoke to her the other day regarding no contact for awhile so that we both will have time to heal and move forward. She wants to still remain in contact and for me to come over and visit the pets from time to time. She is worried that if we do the no contact thing that time will pass and it will become awkward for us to be friends. She appears very sad at the mention of us not communicating anymore and drifting completely out of each others life. But she is willing to do whatever I think is best in regards to this.

I am really torn because I know I have to go no contact to be able to move on but don't want to lose her out of my life completely either.

Any suggestions or advice on how to obtain the friendship and move forward as well?

kctiger · Dec 4, 2008, 01:37 PM

Friendship can come later on down the road. Right now, it just isn't an option. Do what is best for you, and for now that means absolutely NO CONTACT. If she can't handle it, then that is her problem.

Deicyde · Dec 5, 2008, 01:53 PM

Update:

So I will be moving out tomorrow. Deep down a part of me wishes that she would ask me not to leave. Which I know with out a doubt will not happen. I am not really sure what my final words to her should be or what type of emotion I should show. When I walk out the door for the last time should I hug her and tell her goodbye and leave it at that ? Should I hold back any tears that might want to surface ? To me I believe this to be our final interaction between each other on the other hand I feel as if she may think that we will be in contact. I don't really know how to leave the situation as I would like to be friends down the road with her when I have healed and truly moved on.

kctiger · Dec 5, 2008, 01:57 PM

Just give her a friendly hug and be first class with everything. DO NOT show emotions to her. Now isn't the time. Walk out like a gentlemen. You want this to be special. You don't want her lasting memory of you to be someone crying his eyes out.

5 year relationship - Break up

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