| 3 years together - ex-fiance cheated
Ah this may be a little long, been reading a few topics here for a about a month, and thought I might as well come out
My Ex and met 3 years ago. I did not want a relationship at that time, as I was dealing with trust issues, as my previous ex before just one day stopped answering her phone talking to me with no explanation. My best friend at that time a female told me how her friend thought I was cute and that I should ask her out, so I did. Right off the bat we hit it off, saw it each other like 4 times a week, everything was going fine and dandy until her parents found out about us. Her parents just wanted her to concentrate on her studies and thought I was getting in the way.
So she told me and started to cry, and how she knows I'm going to break up with her because I couldn't see her so much etc., and how she cut herself and doesn't want to live etc. anymore. I really liked her and was scared what she would do, so I said its ok we can work through. We still saw each other allot though and everything was going smoothly, barely any fights, we were each others anchor, I told her everything things I never told anyone, anything she needed I was there for her.
For the first time in my life, I fell in love, and it felt great. I would go to work and just sit in a chair for hours until she was done, I would travel about 1.5 hours to see her even for 15 minutes that's how much I loved her.
She started university the next year, and was struggling with school and work, so me being the kind idiot I told her to quit her job I'll look after her and to concentrate on her studies, so I bought her school books, bus pass, food anything she needed, Mr. nice idiot was there so she wouldn't be stressed. Her English wasn't the greatest as it wasn't her mother tongue, so I helped her do her English essays etc., she was really smart and got on dean's list etc. and I was extremely happy for her etc.
Before I get into the crummy part of the story, few things you should know.
All the previous boyfriend's my ex had used her for sex and money and that's the first thing she told me when we got together and she was scared I would do it as well. Well I told her not to worry I'm not that type of person, so in the 3 years we were together although we were very passionate etc. we only did intercourse a few times.
We got engage earlier this year and everything was fine no quarrels fight's nothing. So this summer, she went back to her home country to visit her relatives etc., for just two weeks. Before she left she was crying how she's going to miss me so much and she loves me more than anything, and to please don't cheat on her etc. Let's just say my ex was extremely jealous, every female friend I had, even my best friend who introduced to us, I had to drop them. I couldn't even go out with my guy friends as she thought I would hit on a girl or something. But I was in love it didn't bother me at all I thought this was the girl of my dreams.
So everything is fine when she's away calling me every day writing emails telling me she loves me. Then the following week the emails stop saying she loves me, and how she is spending time with her friend, I trusted her so I didn't expect or think anything of that. So ya she returns and calls me and tells me we have to talk about something important.
And then those words I thought I would never hear, that she cheated on me. Not once not twice not three times, so much that she even lost count. Yep the same girl who was used for sex and money treated like dirt by every guy she ever encountered. Who told me she couldn't believe she finally found a good man who didn't use her for sex or money cheated on me so many times in just two weeks away.
I literally felt destroyed, I haven't cried in years but there I was sobbing like a baby, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. Here I am gave everything to this girl everything. Scarified myself going on vacation to pay for her trip to see her relatives and this is how she repays me. The worst part she wasn't even remorseful it's like everything we had didn't exist, all she would do is rub it in my face it seems how the guy was so experienced and so sweet how he bought her flowers. How she is still texting him and calling him, but she still wants to be friends with me. I couldn't eat, sleep, function for weeks I was a walking zombie. I went along with that stupid friends garbage until I couldn't take being disrespected anymore, it all ended when she went back to school and the first day back she messages me how she has butterflies for some guy at her school. And of course while I'm over there heartbroken feeling like crap, she has to rub it in my face how this guy is so sweet he bought her a stupid donut. So I can't take it anymore and started nc, which I break like two days later to ask her how her cat was. Her cat has been sick for months was actually dying at one point and me again like a idiot paid it's vet bill to save it's life, and all I ask is how is the cat and she tells me to forget about us and calls me every name in the book.
I guess the main thing is I feel like the biggest idiot in the world, I did everything for this girl, hell she became a TA this year because of me, helping her with her studies. She got a scholarship because of me writing the essay. Like a idiot I was paying for her phone bill, and it hurt so much when I received the bill and saw all the text and time on the phone long distance charges talking to the guy she cheated on me with. I'd travel hours there and back to visit her a few times a week, sometimes I'd come and she'd be so tired and be like I just want to go home but I never complained even after all that gas and mileage and in the end I get treated like this. What's worse every time I was calling her she was with him, every time she emailed me lying it was from an internet cafe it was his laptop, it just makes me SICK, I guess its true nice guys finish last.
So here I am, feeling like crap it's been about 30 days since I've heard anything from her except a pathetic text asking how I am, I know she's probably dating her new "friend", enjoying a happy life. And here I am feeling like crap, every day knowing everything I did for her in the end it means nothing, I got played like a violin. How she lied to me about basically everything, how I gave up most of my friends, missed out on vacations going out with other people to satisfy her needs, how she was so jealous, always saying I would cheat, when I was faithful and she was the one who cheated. How some herb she just met had more sex with her than I did, because I didn't want her to feel like I was using her for anything and in the end here I am feeling like crap all alone.
I know NC is the best thing for me, strange even after all she has done for me I don't hate her. I've read all the threads at the top, and they are helping, I just can't wait to get these haunting memories and thoughts out of my mind. I know my mind is playing tricks on me sometimes, I feel unattractive but I know I'm not, my ex was gorgeous I won't lie and I keep thinking I won't get anyone that pretty again, then I have to remind myself I've had better looking girls in my life inside and out, and what good is outer beauty when your stone cold and heartless inside. NC sucks but at least it makes me see things clearly, I won't lie for the first few weeks I wanted her back so badly and would have done anything for it, but every day those thoughts are lessening because I know I could never trust her fully again. I threw away all the cards and pictures everything I got from her; it gave me a little bit of closure at least.
I still feel like crap every day, would talking to a therapist help me? I literally have no friends, or family near me. I don’t know what to do next, I never said anything to her bad, because at that moment I was a idiot and still wanted her back, now I just want to contact her and let everything out, but I guess that’s a horrible thing to do right? Just take the high road maintain NC pick up the pieces and move on?
Thanks for reading
 |
Linear Mode
