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You have now done no contact, You are no longer in the needy, desperate unatractive stage, no longer hounding, harrasing or stalking your ex. So you are no longer pushing them away. Now you need to REBUILD the relationship if not to late.
ATTITUDE – Get an attitude adjustment first. Lighten up and do a 180-degree about face. Read the Sunday comics, grab an old comic book, turn on the Comedy channel, watch funny videos or DVDs. Get in a better mood and pass it along to your mate. Invite your mate to tune in to comedy with you, too.
2. FRIENDSHIP – Go back to being friends for starters now that you’re in a good mood. Forget the love stuff, if you want. And just focus on being good friends; share compliments, do things for one another, go out and have fun together, enjoy one another’s company.
3. RELAX – Let your hair down. Trust and relax. Be yourself. Don’t let old wounds open or fester. Forget the garbage memories and just be in the here and now together.
4. TIME OUT – If possible, spend extra time together for awhile, like during your original courting days. Hire a sitter, order out, eat at fast food places, grab ice cream cones and go for walks in the park. Get to know each other all over again. That’s the key. Then you’ll remember why you fell for each other in the beginning and history will hopefully repeat itself.
5. COMMUNICATION – Take it slow and easy. Keep away from subjects that you don’t agree upon. And slowly re-learn to communicate with each other all over again. If necessary, and it’s not a crime or shame – get help. Seek a trusted friend or adviser, a church clergy member or certified professional counselor. No need to go it alone. Find your weak areas and how to over come them and plan for future communication difficulties.
6. GOALS – Gradually develop goals together so you’ll have a direction to head. Write them down in a notebook just for the two of you. And over time, develop them, revise them, cross them off your list. The idea is to HAVE goals together and work towards a common goal.
7. SCRAP BOOK – Create a memory album together. Add photos, clippings, menus and anything that reminds you of the “good times.” Then when tough times comes, you’ll have something to “hold on to” – your bridge to romance.
So don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationship
For all those who recognise parts of this thread. I am trying to provide from the help and advice of others a single direction and answers for everyone.
The information provided here has been taken from the very wise experts on here, who have helped me in my time of need.
Thank you all
4answers.
PS. If anything can be added to make these more appropriate please do so. Lets help others as they have helped us.
or does everyone just run onto another relationship without trying to work out the old one??????????????
I'm married now but when a girlfriend and I broke up that was it for me, no trying to get back together, no reminiscing, etc. Basically I'm of the feeling that if it's not mutual then what's the point. I'd stay single for a while, enjoy myself and something always came along. No drama required.
I think that reconciling might also depend on how deep the relationship was... I mean if it was a few months or maybe ayear with a lot of fighting, then what's the point and why would you miss that... If it were a long time with a lot invested and a deep relationship, then I would see why to reconcile.... I have never done this, but I'm hoping it will work for me now.
or does everyone just run onto another relationship without trying to work out the old one??????????????
Rol -
I successfully worked out the old one Rol but with different circumstances and actions involved. It was a seperation instead of a break and the efforts involved were considerably more substantinal and directed at relationship issues than the generalized ones listed here. The information here seems like something out of a magazine from the 70's. I think we know so much more these days and aren't taken in so easily. As Dr Phil would say, how's this working for you? "Take short steps to improve your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationship." You can certainly try this but I just don't think it will work since its generalized to the point of ineffective. Its not based in reality since it contends that you still have a relationship, its not identifying the specific problems (and they do vary), and not concrete enough in its plan for change. It would be better suited for dating advise-- now there is a lost art! But you are on to the real test of it Rol. Stuff that comes out of books and magazines is only useful if it holds up in the real world.
4answers -
Its only fair that the original author/source be given credit for any cut & pasted material. Hopefully who posted it here to begin with can tell us who that is?
<<It was a seperation instead of a break and the efforts involved were considerably more substantinal and directed at relationship issues than the generalized ones listed here.>>
exactly those issues are fundamental befiore geting back together again..
so in my case after he dropped the bombshell in May that he needed time to think and that he we could start over again from scratch eventually, and that it was not a breakup and not a short break, that he needed to reinvent his life .I did this above approach.
as i was trying to be understanding i didnt badger him with any question when we would get together,
so we would meet and have a great time laughing and having fun.
he rang and we met every month or so.
In August (the day after our 'supposed wedding') we spent the whole day together and night. He was the one who made the moves and as i thought we were getting back together(big mistake i didnt ask any questions!!!)
then we had arranged to got to a concert a few days after and when we met he was distant again so then i kind of flared up and told him ok i need space now and he said no no.
then his mother came and we all went out for dinner like nothing had happened!!
(im wondering how i was so patient actually now looking back!!!!!)
and then in October the last time we talked he would also have made some moves but i had to talk and ask finally what we were doing...
so the approach could work if you are very strong...and depending alot on the situation.
and my question is also will i eventually go back to doing that again now that i know where exactly where i stand and when i get fully whole again and discussing the deep issues as Val said..
and i really wish i had found this website in May instead of October.
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