Thesis statement: Cosmetic surgery

whitemateria · #1 Oct 14, 2007, 08:22 PM

I just wanted to know what everyone thought about my thesis statement on cosmetic surgery. I am writing a persuasive essay and I'm not for surgery so I'm trying to persuade others to see my point of veiw. So, I was wondering; does it need improvement or should I leave it be?

Here it is...

"Cosmetic surgery continues to become a solution to dealing with larger issues like low self esteem and depression; instead surgery itself has become an issue."

Wondergirl · Oct 14, 2007, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whitemateria

"Cosmetic surgery continues to become a solution to dealing with larger issues like low self esteem and depression; instead surgery itself has become an issue."

How about avoiding the semicolon by saying it this way:

"Instead of being the solution to larger issues like low self-esteem and depression, cosmetic surgery has become the issue."

whitemateria · Oct 14, 2007, 09:01 PM

You know...you do have a point. -_- I didn't even think about writing it that way.

I appreciate your reply, thank you.



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