| cwilliam
I get them all around you. Debauch keeps coming up over and over again. and a female energy you are in a constant struggle with. She is going to leave you if she hasnt already. They are warning you about this relationship. Girl has no real job or identity in life except to distract you vigorously.
And you not being commited to the relationship like you should be. You being selfish and miserly with your gifts and affections. Are you making her feel like you are with someone else or giving her reason to doubt you? The games need to stop. You are making her a wreck. I think you are in love too, but you are fighting it every step of the way.
Lack of money would make even Ozzie and Harriet fight even Gracie and George, it would make the worst come out in them too.
You 2 are in sloth mode about your lives it is as if you are stuck. Mom is trying to put fire under you both to get you up and moving already. Not to take the energy out on each other.
And if you and Mom were not on good terms at her death, she has forgiven all now. Something about her feeling like she could not help you or get to you while she was on this planet. Where she is now she can be of better health and better to help you. Dad stays in the back ground, doesnt believe or he is shy or she is just more forward than him. Or all of the above.
Prayer is when we ask for what we want and meditation mode is when we receive our answers. This mode is not near where you are right now. You are to up in the air too much static. Back off the static about your life, their deaths. And back off the vice already
You are one who needs nature, to be in the outdoors. If you are cut off from this mode you are somewhat delirious. Basically off balance big time. Temper flares no patience for any body or anything around you. Especially those that are close. You are high energy and need to burn it off, get rid of it and the extra stress. Sloth mode does not work for you and youve been doing it for sometime now. Getting nothing accomplished much. And are you pissed off at your self!
Get back to zoneing out mode. Exercise, walk outside, singing, artistic talent. Free your mind. Some people tell me they zone out doing the dishes or driving their car or even just sitting in the park. This is a necessity for you to take care of your body and mentally also. You used to take good care of yourself.
There used to be a property you ran to all the time when you were small. A creek and some woods, you were at home here. And I see a tree that they (woodsprites, the elementals, your guardians) came out of and that was your entry into middle earth also. Remember your dreams when you were small about this. This is when you would be given your information about what to do in your life, what to prepare for.
You are not doing anything conducive to this energy, to receive it any more. You are also a healer, so get ready for those changes too. Lover is too. You two are just beginning the roller coaster ride to those energies and getting back to that. Lover has same energy its as if you 2 are just starting up the big hill, the 1st big hill of the ride. Anxiety, stress, guilt, fear about your new situation. Its as if you know something is coming, you can feel it. But you are in thinking mde intead of feeling mode. You can feel the electricity of this new energy this new call to life coming, its just around the corner, literally. And it is making you both crazy. You can feel it but you dont know exactly what it is.
Because you have cut yourself off from mother earth. Mother is smiling at me now, I hit the nail on the head. She wants the real you to stand up already. Since your parents death your energy has quadrupled. its even more intense but as I said before you fight it every step of the way. Maybe you claim you dont believe or you are reluctant to pick up your cross and bear (bare?) it. What me help other people? What me care? What me psychic? Yes you and your lover read each other. you pick up on every one around you. Its hard to sort out our own energy and feelings but you pick up on others thoughts and feelings and mistake them for yours or as bad energy.
Parents( mostly mom) give you major answers an help. But you dont listen. You want a concrete block to fall on your head to make you beleive. You want concrete proof of what is out there. And you were not born this way. This nonbeleiving attitude has developed over your lifetime. A non believer around you male energy that you looked up to. or tried to any way. He was not there for you like you thought he should have been. But for this reason right here, this was not to be your line of thinking for this lifetime.
Mother wants you to know this is why it was the way it was. It was not your fault. She gives you answers and more. But you have it in your head that it has to happen just the way you want or not at all. She tells me you will have it all. But it will come about differently. So stop push push pushing your will so much. Go with the flow, relax and row your boat gently down the stream. Stop fighting the current, tell ego to shut up already.
"You cant always get what you want, But if you try sometime you just might find, You get what you need!!!" Quoating Mick Jagger(healer). I even get caught up in this one. I want it this way and now. Nope. I wont respect it or that is not what God has set up for me to learn. Or I was reaaly supposed to help someone else, I was just a by-product. A means to an end. It really wasnt about me.
I make myself crazy planning some event to perfection. And then bang! My money is gone or I had to spend it on something more important, and I worry will it be enough food or party favors for every one. I so soooo wanted it to happen just this way.
Then half the people I invited get sick or someone died and they cant make it. In the end the party worked out fine for who showed up and I had plenty for all. I learned that what is to happen is to happen. I can make myself crazy and everyone around me about what will be. The impending disaster, my ego wanting perfection not willing to take no for an answer. Not wanting it any other way but mine, my egos. Not according to Gods plan or Buddha or who ever you beleive in.
So I learn(still learning) to be patient and wait for unfoldment. It is his will be done not ours.
So ask for her help, put your question out there for your mom to help or whatever. And let go, Dont Worry Be Happy. But be on the lookout for that sublte clue, sometimes not so subtle be careful what you ask for( concrete block proof thing) you just might get it.
Everything has a season, a time a place. She gives you your ansew with in 3-4 hours she tells me at the most 24-36 hours for the really big stuff. Depending on what she has to move on the other side. peace ranieri | 
Linear Mode
