Whats wrong with me ..

J_9 · Mar 23, 2010, 06:01 AM

This is very common, especially conceiving so quickly after miscarriage. You really need to talk to your doctor about this. It could be a precursor to full blown post partum depression. There are medications you can take while pregnant to combat these feelings.

jessy0428 · Mar 23, 2010, 08:36 AM

I tried talking to her last time I was in there. She just told me it was normal and it would get better. She had put me on an antidepressant when I was about 2 mons but it just made me feel like a zombie , I couldn't function. So she took me off of it. I am going to talk to her again when I go back in 2 weeks.

J_9 · Mar 23, 2010, 02:58 PM

You NEED to talk to her again. Let her know how this is ruining your life. Celexa is a great antidepressant that can be used in pregnancy, and it doesn't make you feel like a zombie. Remember though that it takes about 3 weeks for the medications to kick in and the more serious side effects to dissipate.

jessy0428 · Mar 25, 2010, 08:57 AM

Thank you . I will def. Talk to her again when I go back.. I can't continue to live like this. I hate to think the only way I can love my baby is to be on meds. I really hope this gets better.

QLP · Mar 25, 2010, 06:23 PM

I would also ask your doctor about counselling or support groups for people who have miscarried. Here in the Uk we have an organisation for people who have lost babies, is there anything where you are? It may be that deep down you are afraid to love your baby in case you lose this one, or even that you are angry because you lost the baby you planned then got another you didn't plan on. Exploring and resolving your feelings for the baby you lost could make a big difference.

Above all remember it's not your fault that you feel this way.

jessy0428 · Mar 26, 2010, 09:39 AM

I am not sure if there is anything around here like that. I haven't heard about it if there is. I know I never got over losing my baby, and a big part of feels guilty for having this baby and loving it. Kind of like I am forgetting about the one I lost. I know I will NEVER forget but something inside keeps telling me its not right to love this baby. Thank you for replying.

QLP · Mar 26, 2010, 04:43 PM

Well you have some insight into the problem when you say loving this baby would make you feel guilty because it is like forgetting the one you lost. If you could just talk this through with someone fully I'm sure it would help. Your doctor really should know of someone you can do this with.

In the meantime why not try writing a letter to each of your babies. This might sound silly, but I have heard of people that it has helped.

Write a letter to the baby you lost, saying how much she will be missed, how sorry you are not to have seen her grow up.

Then write another to your new baby, explaining how much you miss his sister, and how you know he would have loved her too.

These are only suggestions, maybe once you start you will find your own words.

Did you have any kind of ceremony for the baby you lost? If not doing so might help. Maybe you can plant a special shrub in your garden and say some words of your own over it. Perhaps you can tell the baby growing inside you how you are feeling when you do so.

If you can try and see both your babies as siblings, not as one being a substitute for the other that might help.

I'm sure it will get better, I sincerely hope it happens for you soon.

Best wishes.

jessy0428 · Mar 29, 2010, 07:04 AM

Thank you. Those are great ideas. I will try one and see if it helps. It might be a little bit easier if I had someone to talk to about it but no one in my life seems to care . My husband gets mad when I even bring it up and everyone else just says I will get over it. So thank you once again!

LearningAsIGo · Mar 29, 2010, 11:21 AM

First, I'm sorry your husband isn't being more supportive. Your feelings are not wrong, nor anything to be ashamed of. They also may not get better unless you get help, which is something you seem willing to do.

These feelings are common after you've had a child. You wonder if you can ever love another baby as much as the first and of course, you have concerns that you won't have enough time for both. Its also common to feel a sense of mourning over your old life when it was just the three of you. To make matters worse, you had a miscarriage with very little time to mourn before becoming pregnant on accident. With all of that happening, with pregnancy hormones, its no wonder you feel the way you do!

The above suggestions are very good. I've lost 3 babies (one was my daughters twin) and I found that lots of prayer and journaling helped me a great deal. One thing I did was buy a cross to hang on the wall and create a charm bracelet to honor my angels. It provided me with a feeling of closurenot so you ever forget, you won't, but so you can move on.

Only once you're able to move on and accept your loss and your new pregnancy, will you get over it like the people around you say.

Good luck to you {{hugs}}

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