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Bubble28 · Dec 27, 2011, 12:24 PM

Hello, my name is Erica and I have a 3 year old step son (Skylar) well almost step son his father and I are going to be getting married next year. But anyway Skylar has been having a lot of speration issues latly and we don't know where they came from. His father has always been gone a lot with business and stuff and in the last month he has been saying he's sick to his stomace when his fathers gone. I took him to the doctors and he thinks it might be due to stress since I'm 6 months pregnant. Skylar often tells me he worries his daddy and I won't have time with him and I can't get him to understand that we will have time for him when the baby comes. He's only 3 how he could think we wouldn't have time for him beats me.
Also I've noticed he doesn't like going to his moms all the time. (he's at ours from Saturday evening till Thursday morning right now)
Any ideas on how we can ease him into the idea of having a baby brother?
It worries me deeply that he thinks this.

JudyKayTee · Dec 28, 2011, 01:09 PM

He's 3 and expressing that he is concerned you and his father won't have time for him after the baby comes? Did his mother put that thought in his head? I don't think that's a natural reaction OR thought of a child 3 years old.

Bubble28 · Dec 28, 2011, 01:19 PM

That's what I thought too, I talked to my fiancé about it and I hope he talks to skylars mom. She hates me, because she thinks I took Allen (my fiance) away from her. Why I don't know because they were broken up before Skylar was even born.

LearningAsIGo · Dec 28, 2011, 01:31 PM

How sad
I agree with Judy that it seems odd for a 3-yr old to have those kinds of thoughts. I suppose its possible he heard it from mom, but with TV, friends, etc. he could have picked that idea up just about anywhere.

Did the doc offer any suggestions? I think it may help if you reinforce daily that he is VERY important to you, you both love him VERY much and he gets to be the big brother! Really help him get excited that HE gets to be the BIG BROTHER and that makes HIM extra special to all of you :) There are also lots of children's books that you could wrap up and surprise him with that are about becoming a big brother.
Good luck ~ poor little guy {{hugs}}

Bubble28 · Dec 28, 2011, 01:38 PM

My fiancé spoke to his mother via text message. She admitted to talking about how we would be busy and using it as a way to get Skylar more. But she said she never spoke it to Skylar. That women drives me crazy. Thank you both for helping me. Without it I wouldn't have gotten that little push to talk to my fiancé about skys mother having a part in his aditude.

JudyKayTee · Dec 28, 2011, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by Bubble28

My fiance spoke to his mother via text message. She admitted to talking about how we would be busy and using it as a way to get Skylar more. But she said she never spoke it to Skylar. That women drives me crazy. Thank you both for helping me. Without it I wouldn't have gotten that little push to talk to my fiance about skys mother having a part in his aditude.

Of course, who knows what he overheard?

Good - and good luck with the baby.

Bubble28 · Dec 29, 2011, 09:31 AM

I took your advice and got sky a book about being a big brother. He thought it was pretty cool and took it to his moms with him.. Haha.
And thanks! The baby is growing and kicking lol it feels strange having a baby grow in side me but it's amazing! I'm 26 weeks and lalty he has been reacting to sounds more. Like when Allen talks to him he gets more active. Sounds he doesn't like.. The dog barking, I felt him cringe like my whole stomace tightened it was the strangest feeling! Lol.

JudyKayTee · Dec 29, 2011, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by Bubble28

I took your advice and got sky a book about being a big brother. He thought it was pretty cool and took it to his moms with him.. Haha.

This concerns me - up until now I thought you were warm and wonderful and SHE was vindictive and telling the child (or allowing him to overhear) upsetting information.

Now I am reading that you think it's funny that he took a book about your baby to HER house - obviously to upset her.

Takes two people, I guess, to cause a mother/stepmother problem.

And I'll add that I'm a stepmother, times 5.

Bubble28 · Dec 29, 2011, 10:40 AM

No I didn't mean I like that. When we talked last night I told her I was going to get him some books and she said that was fine. I just put haha because of how eager he was to show his mom.
I love sky to pieces and she is his mom can't change that and wouldn't change that. We do butt heads and We have bickered backand forth since I became pregnant. I know she doesn't like that Allen has full custody of sky and she only has part time. We try making it fair for both her and sky, but I know she doesn't see eye to eye with us. I'm sorry if I sounded a bit immature/mean. I didn't mean for it to be one bit.

JudyKayTee · Dec 29, 2011, 10:53 AM

Thank goodness you came back! You seem so centered and you seem to love "Sky" so much I couldn't figure where you were coming from!

Whew! Glad to hear it. Gave you a "helpful" for helping me understand.

LearningAsIGo · Dec 29, 2011, 01:31 PM

I'm glad he was excited about the book. At that age, I think the baby thing is a bit confusing and those books can be great to help little ones understand the changes that will be taking place. Just keep reinforcing positive ideas about being a big brother and he'll continue to feel positive about it.

Bubble28 · Dec 29, 2011, 06:07 PM

Sorry if you misunderstood.
And yes I love skylar very much. I've been there through most his life. But I have another question for you.
Skylars mom has expressed that she didn't want Skylar to call me 'mom /mommy' or any names of such. But I don't know how that will work with the new baby? We have awile till the baby starts talking..
I don't want to make her upset about it or anything but he's only 3 I don't want to confuse him. But telling him 'no I'm not mommy' and having his brother call me mommy won't that confuse him more?

JudyKayTee · Dec 29, 2011, 06:51 PM

I have stepgrandchildren. One calls me Grandma, one calls me Grandma Judy, one calls me Judy.

They are all 4 and under. So far no problems -

So let him call you Mommy Bubbles. I would explain that he has ONE mommy but you are his SPECIAL friend and married to his father and so your name is Mommy Bubbles. All he needs to hear is a special name that only HE calls you - he'll be delighted!

Bubble28 · Dec 29, 2011, 07:24 PM

LearningAsIGo- I saw a big change after he read through the book with my fiancé last night he even asked to touch my belly when the baby was moving which he has never done before. But later on in the night my fiancé had to go to the store and Skylar said he had a stomach ache after allen left. I don't expect him to warm up to the idea right away I was very proud that he felt the baby though (:

JudyKayTee- sounds great! He has called me mommy a few times in the last few years but we have caught him on it. But I think if we explain it to him that way it will make things a lot easier and not have his mother upset. Thanks very much! (:

Bubble28 · Dec 29, 2011, 07:26 PM

A lot easier for him to understand the difference between his mother and I and not make his mother upset** sorry bad wording.