[basiafol]

My boyfriend some time ago told me that we should take things slow, that he is at the stage of his life that he cannot make comitmment. I understood it and we tried to be more easygoing. But 3 weeks ago I found out that I am pregnant. I told him and he thinks I did it on purpose! But I really didn't! It was an accident, I messed up with a pills but never crossed my mind I can get pregnant so easily! He tried to convinced me to have abortion, I thought about it as well, but I think it would be too much burden for me in my life afterwards.I know that it would be the best and the easiest solution to have our lifes on normal track, but I can't. He doesn't understand it, he says I have no respect for his life, for his plans and for his priorities. He said that he will leave me, disappear from my life if I decide to have the baby. I decided to keep it so we split up. I don't want to chase his as my pregnancy wasn't planned and I didn't do it on purpose. He said if I have abortion, we could try to make things better, plan everything for the future and maybe try to have a family one day, but not now, not by accident. It has been hard time for me but I will keep the baby. What should I do about him? Should I just let him go, try to explain reasons for me choice, or would abortion sort out the problems? Was he right to leave me?

[artlady]

I will not advise you on abortion as this is something only you can decide.

If you are thinking of aborting only to get your BF back,than I would rethink that.You will most likely end up resenting him for pushing you to make this decision if you are adamant about keeping the baby.

I can see his point of view,he did not want to have a child at this time and if you believe he will eventually warm to the idea of a child,I would not count on that.

You have many things to consider as parenting is a lifelong job and it is difficult with two parents.Single parenting is even more difficult.

There is always the option of adoption as well.

This is a decision that will impact you for the rest of your life so I would try to speak to a counselor or an objective party in order to really look at all the implications of your decision.

The thought of a baby is lovely but the reality is that it takes money,time,putting your life on hold and many other realities that need to be addressed.

Speak to someone you trust and do not make a decision based on the belief that this will bring your BF back.

[lttlmizchica]

It doesn't matter if he felt ready or not, It's a baby for crying out loud. You obviously didn't feel ready either if it was an accident, but what it all comes down to is taking responsibility. You decided to take responsibility over something big while he tried to run away from it. Is that being a man? Don't you want a MAN to take care of you and your child? He is only worried about running things on his agenda, not yours... I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you should not think fully about what you want, but what you deserve!

[basiafol]

If you are thinking of aborting only to get your BF back,than I would rethink that.You will most likely end up resenting him for pushing you to make this decision if you are adamant about keeping the baby.

I would not make an abortion just to keep him. It is not about him any more, it is about a baby. But it looks like he doesn't understand it. I do undersnad his point too and where he is coming from. I understand that this will mess up his life, I also know it would be hard for me too.
I could see my life being much easier having an abortion. But would this life be a happy life knowing that I murdered a baby, just because it was inconvinient for me? This his his approach, but not mine. I am scared!! But I think I should take the responsibility for what happened.

[artlady]

I would not make an abortion just to keep him. It is not about him any more, it is about a baby. But it looks like he doesn't understand it. I do undersnad his point too and where he is comming from. I understand that this will mess up his life, I also know it would be hard for me too.
i could see my life being much easier having an abortion. But would this life be a happy life knowing that I murdered a baby, just because it was inconvinient for me? This his his approach, but not mine. I am scared!!! But I think I should take the responsibility for what happened.

Any decision you make will be lifelong and there are no easy answers here.Any decision is going to be hard and there are repercussions to all of them.

You have every reason to be scared,especially as whatever you decide you will be bearing the burden alone.

I think his emotional blackmail is wrong and telling you to abort or else is very selfish.

You have not mentioned adoption and that is another option you have.

If you don't mind my asking.. how old are you and do you have the resources to raise a child?
Do you have a strong network of family and friends to help you if you decide to keep the baby?

[basiafol]

If you don't mind my asking..how old are you and do you have the resources to raise a child?
Do you have a strong network of family and friends to help you if you decide to keep the baby?

I am 28 and I have a full time job. The salary is above average in UK but ti wouldn't be enough to have a family and raise a kid if I am left by myself. I will need to rely on some sort of support for a while until I can get back to work full time. My family said they would be supportive. I live in England but my family is in Poland. They said they could come to UK for a while and also they could take a baby to Poland for a year or so so I can sort out my life.
I am of course thinking about different options all the time, not sure yet what would be the best solution.
I wouldn't consider adoption yet, I feel I would be too bonded with the child to give it away to people that I don't even know. I know that they are good families waiting for adoptions, but it wouldn't be my choice. I would prefer my parents to help me out as they offered, for a while.
I am studying for ACCA (accountancy) and have 2 years to finish to be fully qualified. I know I could make it, I need to believe in that.
About him- I just don't know if I should leave him alone. We haven't spoken since our last conversation- when he said I have no respect for him and his life. He said this child is not his child as he didn't plan to have it so he doesn't want to have anything to do with it. That really hurts! Should I just let him go... No Contact?
Should I put him on birth certificate of the child?

[jmjoseph]

As Artlady stated, the decision must be made by you. It is one that will effect your life no matter what you decide.

Even though the child is half his, and one day he may come around and want to be a father to it, I would distance myself from him at all costs.

For someone to be so selfish, and demanding, is just appalling to me. He says that if you abort this baby, he will try to stay and make it work? And if you actually have the baby, he will disappear from your life? I say good riddance.

You surround yourself with love and support. You can do this.

My children are the most important things in mine and my wife's lives. There is no greater love.

Maybe this will was meant to happen. Maybe it took something like this for you to see his true colors.

And the color I see is brown. Fecal brown.

Sorry, but for him to make demands with such callousness...

I hope that you have a larger than average, short tempered, brother who collects baseball bats...

Just kidding... (kind of)...

God bless you and your child.

[Cat1864]

I would not make an abortion just to keep him. It is not about him any more, it is about a baby. But it looks like he doesn't understand it. I do undersnad his point too and where he is comming from. I understand that this will mess up his life, I also know it would be hard for me too.
i could see my life being much easier having an abortion. But would this life be a happy life knowing that I murdered a baby, just because it was inconvinient for me? This his his approach, but not mine. I am scared!!! But I think I should take the responsibility for what happened.

While I can see his side of the matter, it doesn't change his responsibility or yours. You both decided to have sex and even with birth control used perfectly accidents happen. Procreation is a side affect of intercourse and should be thought of (if not planned for) if you are going to enjoy a physical relationship.

How far along are you? Choices change as time goes on.

IF you decide to have the baby and keep it, you will both be responsible for raising it whether he thinks so or not. In fact, he is responsible even before the baby is born for what it needs.

Choosing to have a child is not an easy decision. You have to weigh what is best for you and the child.

On a side note: Is this your boyfriend: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sk-468767.html ?

[Jake2008]

Well, this pregnancy wasn't an accident, you messed up your pills, and should have known that could greatly increase your chances of getting pregnant.

While it has been suggested that he is using emotional blackmail to abort, it is in a way, blackmail on him as well. He too has to live with the consequences of you getting pregnant. His life will drastically change, he has no say in the matter ultimately, and for a good couple of decades or longer, he will be tied to the decision you make now.

I don't think this is necessarily a man without quality, as much as it is a man who is put in a position that will so drastically change his life, that he too is afraid and confused and likely feeling betrayed.

As for yourself, many women have babies, and end up raising them alone, for a variety of reasons. If you have to go on social assistance, taxpapers are also on the hook for this 'mistake'. That may sound harsh, but I'm not pariticularly inclined to see my tax dollars support other people's mistakes as a good thing.

That you are close to a degree and eventual independence, you will likely be one of the lucky ones to enjoy life with a child you can support on your own without a father.

You are also very fortunate that you have family willing to support you, many don't.

I will not debate the pros and cons of abortion, indeed it is not my choice, but yours. If you do go that route, you are at least in a country where medical services are safe.

Adoption is a great option. A loving couple to bring up your child is something to think about.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope that for now the decisions you make are in your best interests.

Going it alone will be a very hard road.

[basiafol]

How far along are you? Choices change as time goes on.

IF you decide to have the baby and keep it, you will both be responsible for raising it whether he thinks so or not. In fact, he is responsible even before the baby is born for what it needs.

Choosing to have a child is not an easy decision. You have to weigh what is best for you and the child.

On a side note: Is this your boyfriend: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sk-468767.html ?

I am 7 weeks now. I was on a scan yesterday. Actually the first time I realised I was pregnant I rushed to see my doctor as I thought about abortion straight away. But it was too early for them to see anything on the ultrasound. They took my blood tests and I had to wait few days to check my hormon levels. During those days of waiting I read so much about abortion that I decided not to have it. I am really scared, but I believe that with a family support I could make it. He is my only concern. I can't stop thinking how hurfull it would be for my kid one day to realise that he/she was abandoned by his father, that his father didn't want him. He is not a person that would change his mind. He never looks back.

I was the link that you suggested! OMG, it looks like it is HIM! His name is Alexis and he has a 9-year old daughter! I read some of the responses...
What should I do about him? I don't want to force anything, after how he reacted and what he told me it made me realise that he has no true feeling for me at all. I think he would try to make things work if he wanted to. But he is too much absessed about himself.
Abortion for me would be a disaster. I don't believe in abortion. I know it can make me stronger, but the same time I want to best for my child. What is the best? Let it live and be raised by a single mum and feeling the pain of being abandoned? That is one side of the story. The other one ia his/her right to live- as it already exist in my believe.

[basiafol]

As for yourself, many women have babies, and end up raising them alone, for a variety of reasons. If you have to go on social assistance, taxpapers are also on the hook for this 'mistake'. That may sound harsh, but I'm not pariticularly inclined to see my tax dollars support other people's mistakes as a good thing.

T

I don't think there is a need for such comments. I am sorry, but this is not really relevant for my question. I wouldn't change my mind just because I feel sorry for a taxpayer. I am a taxpayer myself, and never claimed anything in my life. Those comments are very sensitive, you cannot make such jugements, you never know what will happen in your life and if you end up having to be supported for a while... I don't like this idea either.

[Lucky098]

Quite honestly, anyone who wants to have an abortion because it interferes with his/her future plans is a very horrible person indeed.

It takes two to tango. If he didn't want the possibility of having a baby with you, he should have used condoms, or not had sex at all. It's the only way to avoid any type of accident.

He's going to make you have an abortion in order for you to be with him? Sounds like a very selfish person.

If he can't take responsibility for what he created, then he has no business being in your life or the baby's life.

Being a single mom will be hard, but in the end, it will also be rewarding. You'll find a good man who does appreciate life. Sadly, this guy doesn't.

This is a very similar situation that my friend is going through. She got pregnant by a jerk-loser who dumped her because he wasn't ready for the baby. She cut off all ties to him and kept truckin forward. She's 6 months pregnant and is in a wonderful relationship with a respectable man. So I have confidence that you'll find a good guy :)

Whatever you do, don't chase after the baby's daddy. He sounds like a lowlife with no respect for anything. Its not OK to have a baby now, but maybe later?? Whatever. Things happen... He needs to be there whole heartedly when those things happen.

I wish you luck... Keep your head high :)

[Jake2008]

You may not feel a need for such comments, such as I've made, but you have to expect that surely there will be some who see things differently than you do. You will get all kinds of opinions, as you can see from what has already been posted.

Nor can you say any particular point you disagree with is not relevant. Disagree- fine, but my opinion is not up for debate- take it or leave it, any opinion is relevant.

My point was to say that if you mess up your pills, and consequently become pregnant, and you are a single mother who cannot support herself, let alone the expense of a baby, then taxpayers pay the cost of maintaining you, until such time you can provide for yourself. That bothers me, because had you been responsible enough to take your pill once a day, taxpayers would not be supporting you. If on the other hand, you are prepared on your own and need no public assistance, more power to you.

Then to turn it all around as some posters have suggested, and call the father of this baby to be every rotten name in the book, is totally unfair. I do hope that he comes around and at least steps up to be a decent father, and pays child support regularly so that once again, assistance isn't necessary, not to mention the child would benefit from having two parents. Just my opinion.

Nobody loves babies more than I do, and I have devoted my life to mine. First I got married, then we saved for six years, then went through several spontaneous abortions, then finally had a baby girl. Our babies were not 'mistakes', and I made damn sure I took a pill every day because it was not a good time to get pregnant. We planned, and expected no help or support from anyone.

That you find yourself in this position, like so many thousand other women do, is a profound situation requiring enormous strength and foresight to get through the hurdles of being a single mom. I don't hesitate to say take all the help you can get. But on the other hand, I don't see how you can't consider other options. Abortion is out of the question as you've said, but adoption is a good alternative to think about.

I do wish you well in your journey into motherhood, whatever you decide to do. Under the best of circumstances it is no cake walk to raise a child.

[basiafol]

For Jake 2008! SOmehow I was unable to quote her answer!:
You say that you love babies more then anyone in the world, and you have been "damn sure you took a pill every day because it was not a good time to get pregnant". How come then you had as you called it " several spontaneous abortions". SEVERAL? I really doubt in your commitment to take pills every day!! Sorry, it is "just my opinion", you may disagree with it if you like, but it is relevant.
I am a strong person, with support of my family, (not as I am planning from taxpayers, as I said this is not relevant to my decision nor situation), I will make it. Thank you so much for your contribution, I really appreciate it. I am serious. We may disagree on few points in this topic but I do appreciate your advise on that.

[Catsmine]

I am a strong person, with support of my family, (not as I am planning from taxpayers, as I said this is not relevant to my decision nor situation), I will make it. Thank you so much for your contribution, I really appreciate it. I am serious. We may disagree on few points in this topic but I do appreciate your advise on that.

Having read both the discussion here and the one by alex, let me also strongly urge you to consider adoption. This baby needs a loving family, peferably with two parents. It's fairly obvious that you and alex are not going to be a family. He's too concerned with his other family to be there for you or the baby. You have a very large amount on your own plate already. Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles can help but they are not parents.

You will always love the baby. If you seek adoption you do not have to be excluded from the child's life. Please consider this option for the baby's sake.

[Jake2008]

They were miscarriages, and I truly suffered. My first child was a high risk pregnancy as a result, and she was rushed to hospital 8 times in the first two years of her life.

But, I did take the pill every day until we were ready to try for a family.

I sincerely do wish you well in the decisions ahead, and appreciate that you are considerate of other's opinions.

[Mievans]

Hey how's the baby doing good I hope yeah leave that looser hopefully you put him on child support and make him responsible since he doesn't want to be there physically but I hope things worked out the way you wanted them to good luck.

[babymitch]

Hi... I have the same story as you are in now... I'm only 21 years old graduated last march as a nursing student and I'm now on my 32weeks of pregnancy... my pregnancy was also unintended, yes I do regret it sometimes because I also have my own dreams. I really don't know what to do, so I first seek for God's guidance and mercy,I pray and pray... I don't know how to tell it to my parents until it was 8weeks. Fortunately my friends help me to overcome my fear and face the consequence of my wrong choice of move. My boyfriend was irresponsible and it hurts me a lot to know that even though I'm pregnant he is still a womanizer and he is cheating on me so we separate our ways.
I choose my baby over him, and even though it is not favorable in your/ our part ,time will come that... the pain will go away and you will realize that you made the right choice. Financially I'm not capable of anything so I seek help from my parents and they understand me and I have felt that they love me more.