Check out some similar questions!

JustLaw · Aug 31, 2009, 01:23 PM

Hello

Please know before reading on tha t I love my boyfriend deeply. I wish him no harm, I am not weighing options or looking at this in what am I going to get material wise.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. He has an older son off in college and I have two young girls. We love one another deeply and agree to be married when the time is right. He says he loves my girls as if they were his own and that I am the love of my life.

Neither of us had a will, until recently. He has made his and there is no mention of myself or my girls at all. Again don't get me wrong, I am not looking for him to come to an end or seeing what he might leave us... at all. It could be just a piece of paper that was a first note to him... or anything.

It's just sad to see that in the end, three of the four people that he says he loves most in the world aren't even mentioned in his will... almost like we didn't exist.

I guess for me it's a little sad. He mentions his mom and his sisters and his son, but this part of his "family" is non existent... that hurts.

Maybe this is more of a vent... but would anyone feel a bit hurt?

JustLaw · Aug 31, 2009, 01:25 PM

p.s.

I plan on making mine soon and do plan on including him and his son who is very aloof. I don't have much but I do have a few things that are special to me and to him, and when I am not here to take care of them anymore, I would like him to do so... and hopes he remembers what it represents.

dreamingartist · Aug 31, 2009, 01:33 PM

I wouldn't take offense to it. A will can easily be changed in 1 hour. Perhaps he is thinking that if he died that very second he would leave all his possessions and affairs to his son, which makes sense... When you get married I see no reason not to include you in the will. Sometimes its hard to analyze things when you compare your feelings and opinions to others. IE: you have him in your will, why doesn't he have you in his will. Just because you choose to do one thing doesn't mean that he has to make the same decision, and don't take offense if he doesn't.

Think of it this way.

You weren't expecting him to put you in his will "JUST" because he is in yours? Or were you. It it matters THAT much, then take him out of your will. If you want him in your will regardless, then you should be able to accept that you may not be in his... Of course, alternatively you could just talk to him about it. Bring up along the lines of, hey, if I die, what will happen to my girls, my stuff, my etc.. I put you in my will to take over my estate, I hope this is OK? etc..

Communication is key. Men are from Mars and Women are from venus.

amicon · Aug 31, 2009, 01:33 PM

Yes I would find this very hurtful.you re not being included as family.I would question staying with this man.

jmjoseph · Aug 31, 2009, 01:54 PM

Hello JustLaw,

I have a couple of questions if you don't mind.

Does he know that you read the will? And if he does, did you mention this issue to him?

Just Dahlia · Aug 31, 2009, 01:55 PM

I disagree with amicon
You have only been together for about a year, there is no permanent commitment. Anyone might feel a little hurt at first, but that should go away unless there is something else going on.

It sounds like when you met him you were doing fine raising your children and there is no need for support from him.

When I met my husband, my will left everything to my Brother, knowing he would take care of the people I care about. I don't think we changed it for many years, until we started traveling.

If every man we woman dated for 1 year (and said they loved us) changed their will, the Lawyers would be very rich indeed.:D

Survivor07 · Aug 31, 2009, 01:58 PM

Being with this man for "a little over a year" really isn't all that long.

What are your feelings about marriage, his?

You'd have to sit down and discuss what you've said on here to him and see what he has to say. Could be he didn't mean to offend you at all.

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year as well, and I love him, but I'm still getting to know him in lots of ways.

If I were to die tomorrow, my sister will get all that I have. That's just how I feel.

J_9 · Aug 31, 2009, 02:03 PM

You mean that you have been with a man for only a year and are expecting that you and your daughters are mentioned in his will? A year is not that long. His blood relatives deserve to be in his will, they have been in his life for ALL of his life.

I think you are expecting too much too early.

JustLaw · Aug 31, 2009, 02:03 PM

Hi everyone and thanks for your input.

No I don't expect him to include me in his BECAUSE I include him in mine. I just always expected we would be in each others just because we look at all of us as a family. He even tells me how he looks at my girls as his (not trying to take their dad's place but he loves them in that way).

I'm not looking for support from him... I just feel like he excluded my daughters and me from what we consider to be family. I'm not "hey he didn't leave me anything he didn't leave me any money" kind of thing... it's just he didn't even mention us... like we don't exist and he just made the thing, like today.

He doesn't know that I have seen it, and I know I shouldn't have, but sadly I did. I just have this feeling that my daughters and I aren't the family to him he says we are...

JustLaw · Aug 31, 2009, 02:06 PM

No, I expect to be in my fiancés will... not above anyone else.

hheath541 · Aug 31, 2009, 02:09 PM

It's OK to be a little hurt. However, I don't see a real reason for him to put you in his will.

Regardless of how much you love someone and see them as part of your family, it's a big step to put their name on a legal document with your's. Not only that, but there are legal ramifications to be considered.

You've only been together for a year. You have no legal, formal relationship that would recognized by law. You have no children or assets together. Keeping all of that in mind, if his family choose to dispute the will you would very likely be ruled against, anyway.

When you've been together longer and have some sort or legal connection, be it marriage or assets or something else, then you possibly will have a right to be included in his will.

JustLaw · Aug 31, 2009, 02:16 PM

Then they shouldn't be asking you to marry them either.

JustLaw · Aug 31, 2009, 02:18 PM

I'm not asking for anything other than this... "here is this cheapy knick nack I have treasured since we met. It doesn't cost anything but the emotional value is big. I have loved it and now that I'm not here, I want you to love it and care for it as I would"

That's it. Not a thing more.

hheath541 · Aug 31, 2009, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by JustLaw

Then they shouldn't be asking you to marry them either.

No, because the bottom line is that it's a legal issue. If there are no legal ties between two people beyond what is in a will then the immediate family can contest the will, and will probably win. My guess is that his lawyer advised him to leave you out of it for now.

JustLaw · Aug 31, 2009, 02:28 PM

He did it online, himself. I was going to go that route to save a few bucks, but I don't trust it...

Here I thought you could leave a friend a painting if you wanted to... guess I'm wrong.

Just Dahlia · Aug 31, 2009, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by JustLaw

I'm not asking for anything other than this..."here is this cheapy knick nack I have treasured since we met. It doesn't cost anything but the emotional value is big. I have loved it and now that I'm not here, I want you to love it and care for it as I would"

That's it. Not a thing more.

Maybe whoever he left everything to, he trusted to let you have the cherished things. If these people know you, I don't see why they wouldn't and then the will is not necessary.

If you can't get over it, ask him in a light way "Hey, did you leave me the velvet picture of the dogs playing cards in your will?"
Maybe that can open up a discussion:confused:

JustLaw · Aug 31, 2009, 02:57 PM

It just bothers me that he claims family this and family that and that we are all family.. period... despite the dna. It's a nice thing to hear, for some, easy to say.

It's simply lack of acknowledgement for what he built up.

Alty · Aug 31, 2009, 03:20 PM

Originally Posted by JustLaw

It just bothers me that he claims family this and family that and that we are all family..period...despite the dna. It's a nice thing to hear, for some, easy to say.

It's simply lack of acknowledgement for what he built up.

He can feel in his heart that you're family, but legally, you're not.

If the two of you were married it would be different, but you're not married, you have no legal ties to him whatsoever.

As for your original question, no, I would not be hurt if a man I'd only been dating for a year didn't include me in his will.

J_9 · Aug 31, 2009, 03:52 PM

Try not to let your heart lead you, but your head. You have only been in a relationship for a year. That's not a long time at all.

talaniman · Aug 31, 2009, 03:54 PM

Relax, as this can be discussed the day before you get married. As of now its very presumptuous to presume you have a legal standing after only a year. When you set a date this is the first question you ask, but until that time, drop it, as its not worth the hurt.

Wills can be changed with no problem. I think its just bad policy to put a girlfriend in your will.

Don't make this an issue if you think you have a future, because a lot can happen between now, and the wedding day, just read the posts on this website to know that. Family one day, nothing the next.