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jam609 · Jul 23, 2009, 08:37 AM

Step-Daughter left one day after an argument we had. She quit her job she was not going to school, so we were on her. She was lying to us for months about school and work, not helping around the house etc... So she leaves comes back a couple timesto get something's. But now we want everything out. It has been close to 5 months now and when I texted her to get her things she freaks out. She doesn't have room for her things where she is now... blah blah! I told her that is not my problem. I gave her a 3 weeks to get her things if the yare not out by mid August can I bag it up and get rid of it. (dresser, Bed, and CLOTHES):eek:

jam609 · Jul 23, 2009, 08:45 AM

We live in NJ. She did pay a fee of 40 a week. We wanted to teach her respinsibilty. Of which money she never paid the last three months while in my home. She has a history with her, its not a normal 20 yr we are dealing with. She has drama and always is waiting for someone to hep her, save her and its funny some how she always finds some sucker(other family memebers that don't know the crap we have had todeal with) to listen to the tears. So Can I rid of her things in NJ?? :D

Holly23 · Jul 23, 2009, 08:49 AM

I don't know if legally you can,but you shouldn't that's her stuff.I think you guys need to talk other wise she might never come back even to visit.Is that really what you want..

jam609 · Jul 23, 2009, 08:58 AM

There is no talking to her. She thinks she is grown now. She needs to grow up. Why is it our responsibility to keep her things? She should get a storage unit? We have bailed her out and enabled her for way too long. She left us, she quit her job, she dropped out of Tech school with only a month left before she would have become Certified. She has no respect for herself or us. She lies she sold the car that we bought her so now she has no transportation to even get to a job. Please we are done talking. Only drama comes our way when she steps in. I have palns for that room why do I have to put my remodling on hold because she says she doesn't have room for it? I can't believe that I have to hold on to her things!

Holly23 · Jul 23, 2009, 09:04 AM

Well have you a shed or something you can put them in.Like you are frustrated because you want them gone,but she's broke she can't afford a storage unit!You should be able to see where she's coming from.Give her a break,she's young and thinks she can do it all by herself,shell come running back as soon as she thinks you'll take her back.Just be patient and you'll get what you want.

jam609 · Jul 23, 2009, 09:13 AM

Thanks I appreciate the suggestion but I really just want to find away to get her things out. She found all other ways for the things that are important to her to get taken care of. We don't want her back. We have taken her back four times already. We are tired and done. It is starting to affect our little guy now. So enough is enough. Its not my problem she doesn't have a job she had one; she manipulates situations so now, look even you feel sorry for her because she doesn't have a job. She created that to happen she knew she needed that job and she willing quit. Well its time to grow up find a way get your stuff and move on!

cdad · Jul 23, 2009, 11:13 AM

You could move her things out to storage and pay for 6 months worth. She will have 6 months to either get it or keep paying. You will have no further obligation. Just suggest she pick one and you will cover the first 6 months. Case closed.

JudyKayTee · Jul 23, 2009, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by Holly23

Well have you a shed or something you can put them in.Like you are frustrated because you want them gone,but shes broke she can't afford a storage unit!You should be able to see where shes coming from.Give her a break,shes young and thinks she can do it all by herself,shell come running back as soon as she thinks youll take her back.Just be patient and youll get what you want.

This is a legal thread. I don't see you posting any legal advice. Please - this info is for the relationship board.

JudyKayTee · Jul 23, 2009, 11:19 AM

Originally Posted by jam609

Thanks I appreciate the suggestion but i really just want to find away to get her things out. She found all other ways for the things that are important to her to get taken care of. We don't want her back. We have taken her back four times already. We are tired and done. It is starting to affect our little guy now. so enough is enough. Its not my problem she doesn't have a job she had one; she manipulates situations so now, look even you feel sorry for her becasue she doesn't have a job. She created that to happen she knew she needed that job and she willing quit. Well its time to grow up find a way get your stuff and move on!

You have a legal responsibility to safeguard her belongings - unless that is a waterproof shed with a lock to keep her things safe, it is NOT an option.

Send her a letter. Give her X days to pick up her belongings or you will dispose of them as you see fit. Send it registered mail.

Let the time run and then dispose of her belongings.

ANB428 · Jul 23, 2009, 12:19 PM

Do as Judy had suggested, she is the legal guru.

Anyway, I would suggest to try to sell her stuff if she doesn't ever come pick it up after you have given her the letter through registered mail. Then you will be able to get a little bit of money.

I am not siding with her, but I just wanted to make a comment to you. What if it were your son's stuff and he was in this situation. Would you be so harsh then? Wait until your son gets that old and he gives you a bunch of drama filled problems (every teenager/ "adult" does). Would you be able to throw his things out on the streets because he made those mistakes?

I understand that you are upset and you want to remodel her old room, but I am sure that she doesn't have that many things. I wouldn't let her have access to them (make her think that you threw them away), but I would hang on to them for when she grows the heck up. My mom still has all of my old things in my old room and I have been gone for 4 years and gave her hell, but she didn't throw all of my belongings away.

Just a word for thought. And just to let you know, I don't feel sorry for her. I totally agree with you and your feelings of being fed up, you can only take so much as a person, but your step daughter is young, dumb, careless, and selfish and she needs to grow up. I totally agree with you on that. Please think about it before you get rid of all of her things. If you can find a place to keep them then store them and don't let her know you still have them until she gets a job and grows up. If you can't then so whatever you have to do. I just know that when I was 20 years old I moved here and there and did this and that, all being irresponsible. Now 3 years later I see the mistakes that I made and I am thankful that my mom never threw my stuff out.

s_cianci · Jul 23, 2009, 12:27 PM

To be on the safe side, I'd give her 180 days (formal written) notice, certified mail, return receipt requested. Also send a copy by regular snail mail. Then, after the 180 days have passed, bag it up and throw it out.

sammiejnr · Jul 23, 2009, 12:31 PM

All I could say is that you should let her understand that you love her... she is just a little girl and you never can't tell what is happening to her where she is... I will advise you find a way of bring her back home and reconcile with her so she can live happily again

ANB428 · Jul 23, 2009, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by sammiejnr

All i could say is that you should let her understand that you love her...she is just a little girl and you never can't tell what is happening to her where she is.....i will advise you find a way of bring her back home and reconcile with her so she can live happily again

They have already tried that 4 times, it isn't going to work out. She needs to learn about life on her own and one day when she really messes up, she will have no one but herself and she will look back and see why that is and what she needs to do to change that. She does NOT need another opportunity to go back home. It is called tough love!

JudyKayTee · Jul 23, 2009, 12:48 PM

This is the legal board - let's keep it to legal advice. The OP did NOT ask for relationship advice.

And - is someone posting in two names?

ScottGem · Jul 23, 2009, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by sammiejnr

All i could say is that you should let her understand that you love her...she is just a little girl and you never can't tell what is happening to her where she is.....i will advise you find a way of bring her back home and reconcile with her so she can live happily again

Please pay attention to what forum you post in. This is the Family Law forum. The OP did not ask for parenting advice, she asked for advice on legally disposing of the daughter's belongings. Son your adive was not appropriate for this forum.

To jam609. I would go along with califdad's advice. I would give her x weeks to remove her stuff or they will be put into a storage facility. If she doesn't remove them, then you move them into the storage unit. You pay for the facility for 2-6 months. Once you have moved them, send her the key to the facility with a statement of when she has to pay.

The responsibility is then hers.

jam609 · Jul 23, 2009, 12:54 PM

I will wait to see if she responds to my text message last week when I siad she had until Aug 11 to get her things. At that point if she does not get her things I will do the letter. I just hate to have to put the stuff in storage but it seems like the best way, then I can dispose of it ASAP and turn the key right over. I love it!!
Thanks.

JudyKayTee · Jul 23, 2009, 12:56 PM

Let us know how this works out - just make sure you are legally protected (and it appears you will be).

ANB428 · Jul 23, 2009, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by jam609

I will wait to see if she responds to my text message last week when I siad she had until Aug 11 to get her things. At that point if she does not get her things I will do the letter. i just hate to have to put the stuff in storage but it seems like the best way, then I can dispose of it ASAP and turn the key right over. I love it!!!!
Thanks.

That is a good idea. It will let her know that you are serious and done playing her games!