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TeamSandG · Oct 14, 2006, 11:18 AM

I am a Dad first and foremost. I have a six year old daughter that I have had all of her life. I have been solely responsible for up bringing. Her mother has been involved the entire time but most of that was forced by me. We were never married but I never had to worry about "actually" having custody because there was no interest on the other side to "keep" the daughter. Daughter has never been in daycare and I am a very involved father, stay home dad. I have all of the documentation I need to prove I have been the primary caretaker but still have no custody papers. Mom came and took daughter 29 days ago when I asked for her to give me custody on paper. I have not been able to see her the entire time and miss her a ton. I am asking what are my chances of winning this custody battle? :confused:

excon · Oct 14, 2006, 12:40 PM

Hello Team:

Pretty good, but I didn't hear anything about the battle. All you told us about, is that she took your daughter.

You needed a lawyer THEN, so that this would have been handled by now. But, you absolutely need a lawyer NOW, to prevent it from ever happening again. I would have been at his door steps on day 2, not on day 29.

excon

Fr_Chuck · Oct 14, 2006, 12:44 PM

I also did not hear you say that one day after she took the child that you went to get an attorney and an emergacy court order to give the child back to you??

Get the attorney

J_9 · Oct 14, 2006, 12:51 PM

I agree with the others. Did you call the police to report her missing? In the states an Amber Alert could possibly be issued.

I am wondering if the mother kidnapped the child.

TeamSandG · Oct 14, 2006, 01:25 PM

Ok apparently I did not make myself very clear. We already had a lawyer and asked the mother to give me custody on paper because I had nothing that said I had any custody. In MN where I live, I have no rights to the child even as her father because we were never married. "mom" has every right to have her but she has never been there for her in the past and now that I want to take away the power she has (because she has legal custody because we were not married) she suddenly wants to step up to the plate and "play" mommy. I have a lawyer and am fighting like hell to get her back but this is brand new and we have not yet gone to court. Two hours after "mom" came and took her our lawyer asked for parenting time and we have heard nothing!! Nothing in 29 days. I have no rights yet but I am hoping that I hear some positive feedback about this because I am terrified to lose her to her mother. I have been doing all of the work with very little help and she flies in like she has something and tears my world apart! NOT FAIR to Dad's who are doing the right thing even though it may be hard (and really expensive).

J_9 · Oct 14, 2006, 01:29 PM

As I asked, have you called police and reported that she is missing? When and if you do call police, make sure that you report the mother and child missing.

If you have proof that she has been in your custody for so long, everything should be in your favor. You should contact your lawyer and make sure that this should be reported to the proper authorities.

TeamSandG · Oct 14, 2006, 01:45 PM

Again, I have no legal custody, the daughter has always been in my CARE, I do not have any custody rights until I go to court. The police were here when "mom" took the child and I could do nothing! I have to have something form the courts saying that I have custody before I can go and get her! I have no idea where you got the missing mother thing. (wish she was) The child and mother are living at the mothers residence. I know where they are I just can't go get my baby girl. My question was what are my chances of getting custody over the mom!!

J_9 · Oct 14, 2006, 02:03 PM

I got the missing mom thing cause you never stated that you actually knew where they were, until now.

Wow, this certainly may be a tough battle. However, if you have proof that she has been in your constant care, then the battle may not be as uphill as it sounds.

This may be a silly question, but I have my reasons, so bear with me. Is your attorney a man or woman?

TeamSandG · Oct 14, 2006, 02:10 PM

The lawyer is male. Do you think it will matter either way?

J_9 · Oct 14, 2006, 02:19 PM

Yes, it will matter. You made a good choice!! A female lawyer specializing in custody sometimes works not quite as hard for the father as she would the mother. Many women believe that the child belongs with the mother. So, if you had a female attorney, she may not work that hard for you.

While a man will see how you were jerked around.

Sometimes the difference between winning and losing a case is the kind of attorney you hire.

excon · Oct 14, 2006, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by TeamSandG

(because she has legal custody because we were not married)

Hello again, Team:

Who told you that? You can't be making up law and then pretend it's real. If you've never been to court then NOBODY has legal custody. If your lawyer told you that, hire a new lawyer.

excon

Fr_Chuck · Oct 14, 2006, 06:29 PM

excon is right,

If you have never been to court and have gotten a court order both the bio parents have equal custody rights, currently only one can have the physcial custody, you would for example have just as much right if they were in public to pick up the child and drive off, nothing she can do either.

That is why it is so important if the couple is not living together, to get a court ordered judgement.

Since you have been the primary care giver and since she only took the child when you went to file, you have a better chance.

TeamSandG · Oct 14, 2006, 07:12 PM

The Minnesota state statute 257.541 says that if mother and father are not married at the time of the birth of said child the father only has the right to petition the court for his rights. Which means that our lawyer does know what he is talking about and maybe you need to update your "playing a lawyer in jail theme" If I had the right to go pick her up she would be tucked in bed after her book right now. We know the law we have found a lot of info in 29 days and have a great lawyer but we are worried because of the fact that I am Dad and not Mom. We are brand new to this and thought it might be a good place to find out other people's veiws on this situation. We really appreciate all of the feed back so far. Thanks!

s_cianci · Oct 14, 2006, 08:21 PM

Based on what you've said, probably pretty good. You'll need a good family lawyer and get the mom into court.

TeamSandG · Oct 14, 2006, 08:58 PM

You don't want to argue because you have no argument. I gave the state statute, how much more proof do you need? Pretty cut and dry I would think. But if you think I am making up laws and pretending they are real then look up the statute yourself.
www.dps.state.mn.us 257.541 is the statute you are looking for.
It gives the unmarried mother sole custody of a child in Minnesota until a court says otherwise. (excon: might want to check your facts first)

teenam1111 · Oct 27, 2006, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by TeamSandG

I am a Dad first and foremost. I have a six year old daughter that I have had all of her life. I have been soley responsible for up bringing. Her mother has been involved the entire time but most of that was forced by me. We were never married but I never had to worry about "actually" having custody because there was no interest on the other side to "keep" the daughter. Daughter has never been in daycare and I am a very involved father, stay home dad. I have all of the documentation I need to prove I have been the primary caretaker but still have no custody papers. Mom came and took daughter 29 days ago when I asked for her to give me custody on paper. I have not been able to see her the entire time and miss her a ton. I am asking what are my chances of winning this custody battle? :confused:

Go and get her for visitaion,keep her . Law states that possession is 9/10 of the law . Get you a lawyer . And just tell them what you have told us . That you have had her all this time . The bonding issue is what matters at this point in time . Also has your daughter said who she wants to live with ? That accounts for something, but it will be the judges final decision on what's best for the child . It seems to me as if though you can be available to your daughter most of the time , and provide her needs . I see no problem with getting custody of her . The judge will probably do this . Have joint managing conservatorship put in place . Meaning that both parents can have equal rights to the child . But that one gets to choose her permanent residence . But that the other gets to go to school functions has her on certain holidays and such .

Depressed in MO · Oct 27, 2006, 10:33 AM

You mentioned that you were a Stay at home DAD. No doubt you love your child, You have proven so with all of the emotion you have shown in each of your statements. However, it might help your case even more so if you have a full time job. I don't think I've read anywhere where you said that you did. In fact, it sounded as if you implied that you did not. I'm sure the courts will look into this as a factor to their decision.