Pregnant by a married man

First of all, even if this man loses his wife, even if you lose your fiancŽe. You will have a beautiful baby. So you will have this child which is an amazing gift. No matter what circumstance you are in.

You do need to let your fiancŽe know, and if your affair with this guy is not out in the open with his wife then the truth needs to come out and see where the chips fall.

Goodluck to you and with your new baby.

Joe

Step back for a moment Destiny and please see how very dishonest you've been before its too late. Selfish and uncaring of others feelings too, perhaps? Think about how that looks to your child somewhere down the road. Consider for a moment how he or she will learn all that from you and then rack up a bunch of misery in his or her life, just as you have. Its really about how much of your good morals are you willing to toss out the window in an attempt to gain what you want. I don't mean to sound harsh or judgemental but these things really are connected. You've made some poor decisions and now you have the poor results of that. You had nothing to begin with-- not because you can't make people do what you want-- but because of how little you value people, including yourself on a moral basis. Now you have a child to think about and that changes everything. Get your moral act together... Live happy, joyous and free! It really does work that way, I know this from firsthand experience racking up a bunch of misery myself and then cleaning it all up. There is a better way to live than this and you can find it!

Wow...well I would say don't be surprised when he does the same thing to you. You and he both should have had more respect for yourselves and the other people in your lives. What goes around comes around ....I guarantee you!

Do you want sympathy for the situation you're in? You're probably not going to get it here. You did something really NOT NICE, and got caught in the most obvious way possible.

Do you really want to ruin someone else's life with your selfishness? (and yes, you ARE being selfish). Your fiancŽe, your lover's wife, everyone's family...No matter how you try to work all of this out, you're going to look like a selfish, loose, near-sighted homewrecker.

My advice is to tell your fiancŽe what's going on, give him the chance to decide how HE would like to react. THEN, once you have that situation handled, give the ultimatum to your married lover that he has to tell his wife. Regardless how you think he feels, and what he says to you...I'm doubting he'll leave his wife. He hasn't yet, has he?

THEN...you are going to have to work out visitation and child support. (This is looking less pretty all the time, isnt' it?). If his marriage survives this little bombshell (and somehow, I think it will), then your child will have to deal with an antagonistic "stepmom" who will be reminded every time she sees him/her that her husband cheated. If the marriage DOESN'T survive....well, don't hold your breath on him marrying you. He'll have some excuse or another why that can't happen.

I don't see much happiness for you out of this, really. My REAL advice is to take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and move on with your life, with the promise to your child that you will treat them better than you have treated the other people around you.

You'll be the one to end up with nothing, except for a kid with no father. Neither you nor this married man know the meaning of the word "commitment." He may have been your best friend for 10 years before he met his wife but he made his decisions and you made yours. You're being very unfair to his wife, his kids and your fiancŽe. There's no easy way out of this situation and you're all going to end up burned.

I am heartened to see you taking my post so well. Getting your moral compass back will be worth everything it may "cost" you now tenfold and you'll eventually see that looking back. In order to build self esteem, you must do esteemable things and you have taken a good first step.

Ugghhhhhhhhhhhhh another chick screwing around with a married man! Why? WHy do they fall for the married guys lies? Why?

Every day we get one.

Lets see - he promised you the world.

Of course you should lose your fianc? - I'd go running too - you were screwing around with a married man!

I would go after child support for sure. You must. That's all you will get out of this.

See married guy cheated on his wife - he'll cheat on you as well. He's liar and cheater.

"when we met again he told me he loves me and if its not his wife he I would have been the one" - sure he did! Oldest line in the book. I could have told you he would say that before you met up again. He wanted sex! That's it nothing more. He won't be leaving his wife - until she finds out about your baby.

Then no one will lbe married - everyone hating everyone.

I wish it was that simple,but with a child in the picture he is the one to suffer for the mistakes of his selfish, foolish parents. Would it be to much to ask to put your own needs aside now, and make sure your child is in a healthy, loving, stable environment? Can he have a chance at an honest life that you and your lying friend so casually put aside in your lust for each other at everyone's expense, or will you make him suffer for the self abuse you allowed in your life. The only way you can redeem a wasted stupid life with poor choices is to raise your child and give him the real love he deserves, not the perverted fantasy he was conceived in.

Morality? Sometimes you are just so nuts about another person that it feels like the right thing to do. I never thought I would ever cheat on my husband, but here I am, 10 years into marriage, lonely for most of my marriage, and fell totally in love with a coworker who was married with 2 kids. During our affair, his wife was pregnant with his 3rd child. I realize this may seem gross to many people reading this, but until you find yourself in our shoes, you would understand. I know he cannot leave his wife; nor do I expect him to. And I would never want him to leave his kids. But I can say that I have been my happiest with him, and my most miserable without him -- and I am without him most of the time. Thus I am miserable. I realize in retrospect I should have just walked away, but we became so close and enjoyed each others company so much, I loved being with him too much to just walk away. And then things happened. So Destiny, I totally understand where you are coming from and I do not judge you. The only thing you can do now is try to do what is best for all involve, mostly thinking about the kids, because they are the victims in the matter. The kids pay for our mistakes. But, for anyone else reading this, please, never, never, never get involved with a married man. No matter how great the temptation. Despite the incredible joy I have felt, I have never felt so miserable. If you are ever met with such temptation, hold your head high and walk away. Don't even start it.