Earlier this year, my boyfriend made me chose between him and having a baby. Stupidly I chose him, and had an abortion which I so deeply regret.

Straight after my op the doctors fitted me with a coil which gave me endless problems so I later had it removed.

Since then I have desperately wanted a baby, and 9 months later my partner has said he wants one (I don't know why he couldn't have said that 9 months before) but now after trying, I can't get pregnant and my period is always 10 days late.

I am so scared that I won't be able to have children and the only person to blame is myself.

J_9

You will be able to have a baby!! An abortion does not make you sterile.

But I would rethink having a baby with this man, before marrying him, who already made you abort one.

How old are you 2?

If he wants a baby now, then you should be married. He was a mean and curel person to make you chose him or the new life you were carrying. Who is to say he won't get scared and do it again, or leave you all alone as a single mother.

At least with a marriage certificate it would be harder and more expensive for him to leave.

wantingababy

Thank you very much for your advice, it makes a lot of sense, you are right what makes me think now is different? I think its my guilt for doing it that I want to replace the baby I lost.

Thank you so much, you have made me re-think it all completely xxxx

valinors_sorrow

Maybe you not getting pregnant so right off the bat is a cosmic indication to stop, rethink this too... I have found when I align myself correctly, things do seem to fall into place.

I'm with J_9 on this one. Creating a baby should best be done in an relationship environment that is stable, committed and frankly really prepared for a load bigger than you will be imagining. As parents, you owe that to the child.

This may be a blessing, to have caught yourself in time, so you can now create more time to reconsider and let your future baby have a better beginning than some kind of knee-jerked emotional back lash to having a regretted aboration?

Heal first, then think differently about it. You owe that to you!

Jesushelper76

Quite honestly, you try putting all the blame on your boyfriend for you having a abortion. Whether you like to hear this or not. You chose it too. You had the option no matter what your boyfriend was saying to have the baby or not have the baby. I have heard stories of women who have had an abortion do have a harder time becoming pregnant. Especially if it is with the wrong person. It is not to say that you can not get pregnant again. Maybe when you find somebody else that is more supportive of you and future babys. I of course agree with J9 you should be with somebody that you can trust and that will be by your side and will not pressure you into anything you do not want to do. Remember you are the one that is carrying the baby and it is your final choice and decision in what happens with any baby. Also I would like to add. If you did get pregnant with the same man, whose to say he wont change his mind again while you are pregnant or even after the baby comes.

Joe

Jesushelper76

Wantingababy, Why do you disagree with the truth. You heard the truth. As far as I know That is what you were looking for. I said nothing wrong in my post to make you disagree. Whether it hurt your feelings or not maybe you should re read my post and then maybe you will understand what exactly I said, because I do not believe you read it properly. All I gave you was facts and truth from your post. If you do not like hearing the truth that is really not my problem. Then maybe do not come here and ask questions when you know that you are going to hear the truth. I guess the truth hurts. Wake up and make the right decisions for yourself and your first baby and your future babys then it might not hurt so much.

Joe

wantingababy

Its all very well saying that it was my decision too, but you are unware of the full circumstances. If you read my actual post I was asking if the abortion could have affected my fertility not for anybodys moral judgement. I accept responsibilty for my actions but am grieving for my loss also, yes the truth hurts, but as someone who is obviously a parent I would have thought you could be a bit more tactful. Thank you for your advice, but it hasn't exactly put my mind at rest.

Jesushelper76

Like I said before. Many people who have abortions are unable to or do have trouble getting pregnant in the future. That is a fact. It is not no judgement from me but just stating the facts and the truth from your post. I am not here to put your mind at rest. I am here to tell you the truth. There was no judgement in any of my posts to you.

J_9

I am glad you are re-thinking your options now. Yes, you are grieving, but having a baby will not make up for the loss you have already suffered. That loss will always be there.

There is no replacement for loss. I am sorry to tell you that, but there is not.

I understand, in a way, why you disagreed with Joe, but I totally agree with him. Yes, it may hurt, but sometimes the truth does hurt.

You remarked about abortion affecting fertility not moral judgment. Look at that again, read it again. Abortion is a moral issue. You wanting to have another child with the man who talked you into an abortion prior to marriage is a moral judgment. Sometimes moral issues tend to cloud over other moral issues.

wantingababy

Well thanks so much for your facts, maybe you should state your profession as a doctor or God as you seem to think you are. I don't need any more of your rubbish advice so no need to waste any more of your precious time. You are the most unsympathetic person I have ever come across so you can keep your opinions to yourself.