I would like all of your opinions. Mood swings during pregnancy? For this last part of my wife's pregnancy. The last month or so. It has been a losing battle. Does not matter what I say, doesn't matter that I try to talk to her in a way that Calm, relaxed and easy going. Yet, she is very rude and ignorant, very irritated and when I try to talk to her about it. It gets even worse then she tries to deny that she is getting that way. Lately we have been having lots of disagreements. Its getting frustrating and very upsetting.

What do you all think? Now the advice I got from others is leave it alone, it is hard to do that when the person that you love is all of a sudden becoming very rude and more. How can I be close to her. When she is pushing me away?

Joe

Oh, Joe, I sympathize with you. But, it is normal.

She has HORMONES running through her body that she has never had before, she has all this extra weight that she is carrying around (you try it!), subconsciously she may be afraid she will not get back to her normal size. She may be worried about the health of the baby. She is probably scared to death of the pain of labor, it is only 4 days away right?

You try imagining all those things that are running through her pretty little head right now and tell us that you wouldn't be scared, frightened, and a little snippy.

Yes, this too shall pass. She is just probably scared to death of all of the changes that are about to go on in your family right now. Just be there to support her. She needs it right now.

She is not pushing you away on purpose. Many women feel that their husband's won't love them after the baby comes. She may be afraid you will not look at her as a sexual being any more, just a mother.

Going from two in a family to three is a very traumatic event. You will see so yourself here in a few days.

So, listen to the others and leave it alone. It will go away.

Everything I say to her, everything I bring up turns into an argument. For the past for weeks she has been real different. She has changed and I have said this to her. Even last night she told me not to touch her. All I did was touch her hair. Everything that we used to do. Every time I mention to her how snippy or rude she got. Try to explain to her how I feel it turns worse. I am very upset about this and I do not know how to handle this. She is different, then she tries to tell me that I am the one that is scared, I am the one that is nervous, that I am the one that changed but I will not admit to it. It is so upsetting and frustrating. I do not know what to do.

Joe

Joe, this is all normal. I have been through it 4 times. Albeit I understood more of what was happening the last 2 times, but it is still scary.

This is your first right? If that is so, understand that she is scared to death, but she probably does not realize it.

What she is doing is a process called "projecting." She is projecting her fears and believing that they are yours.

Can you imagine the pain that she is going to go through in 3 1/2 days? Well, she won't admit it, but she is scared ****less for lack of a better word.

Here is a list of fears that many women go through prior to delivery. Many of them know what these fears are, and some of these fears are kept within the subconscious:

I am big, fat and ugly, how can anyone love me?

How bad is it going to hurt?

Will I have to have a C-Section, and if I do, how bad does it hurt and what will the scars look like?

Will I have time to devote to my husband after the baby is here, and if I do, will he look at me the same way again?

Will I be a good Mother?

She is also probably tired, much the same way she was in the first trimester.

Do you see the pattern here? This is a new way of life for her, much different than the newly married woman. Children do not come with a set of instructions and she may be afraid she will fail in some way.

Joe, most of this is hormones talking, not your wife. This will pass on, let's see, Thursday is the day, isn't it?

Even though she will not admit it, she is scared Joe. So, she is going to project that on to you so that you are the one to blame, not her.

Don't we give that advice often enough? Just don't talk about it. If she starts getting *****y, let her.

Oh, yeah, and it may be best not to touch her right now if she did that bit with the hair. She may feel fat and ugly right now, even though most men say that pregnancy is beautiful, we really do not feel that way.

It will go away. I promise.

I really hope your right. It is really hard for me to not take this behaviour personally. I really do appreciate your advice J9. So when she gets pissy and rude and ignorant. I am supposed to just pretend that she is not getting this way, I know lots of advice was to ignore it. I am not good at ignoring things and when things bother me, I bring it up.

Joe

Oh, boy, I have had 4 kids, I have been through this 4 times!!

I know it is hard not to take it personally, she really does not mean it. Sheesh, here I am now apologizing for my actions many years ago. But now I see what you men have to go through.

Yes, pretend she is not doing this. I know it is hard to ignore it, but it will only last 3 1/4 days now.

As I said, she is scared ****less, just let her be and things will return to normal soon enough.

Maybe then you can remind her that she owes you a steak for the way she treated you, LOL, but for now... Let her wallow in her own self-pity, which is what she is really doing.

We are here for you Joe!!

It could be many things. Of course, the hormone overload. One minute you are laughing, then next crying, and then angry, its one of those things. But trust me when I say, it frustrates her just as much as you. Because she doesn't understand them any better then you do. A lot of the anger could be her own frustration towards herself, feeling like her emotions are out of control(which, no doubt they are out of control, yet there is nothing either of you can do about it. Very frustrating) If this is your first child,( or even your second or so on.) she could also be getting scared. She could feel inadequate to the task of motherhood, to being a good wife still, anything.(and if there are other kids, she may be a fraid she won't be able to still give them the love and care that she does now, with a new baby in her arms) When I had my first, towards the end, I got so frustrated. You feel big and fat, totally unattractive to your husband which makes you afraid that he will start to look elsewhere, and I was terrified that I would not be able to be a good mom, and wife, and still keep who I was separate from it all. Mainly I was afraid I would fail my family. Looking back on it all, many of the things that seemed soooo important to me then(the room being a mess and getting upset, my husband being a few minutes late to get home, etc) these things make me laugh, because they seem so unimportant, and laughable. I know that it is hard for you to see this side of your wife. Its hard for you to be unsure of what to say. As a man( as my husband has told me) when they come across a problem, they usually want to solve it quickly so that things can move, make it all better. You want to do what you can to make your wife happy, and it is frustrating when you get pushed away seemingly for no reason, when you are just trying to help. But sometimes things just can't be solved right away. Most of the time, she doesn't even know what is bothering her, and at times when she sees you trying to solve it, she may get the opinion that you aren't taking her opinions seriously, and are just trying to solve it and get rid of it. Obviously not what you are trying to do. Just try to be there for her when ever she needs someone to talk to. When things get too hot, take some time to cool down. It will be good for both of you. When the baby comes, things will start to settle back down, and those hormones will regulate back to normal. Wishing the best of luck. It takes a good man to stand by his wife in her best and worst times, and still see her for the beautiful woman you love.