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Today I went to see my niece and her new baby with my sister, who is the grandmother. The baby is about 10 days old. At one point, my niece said she needed to do something and indicated that doing it while holding the baby would be a mild inconvenience. Her mother (my sister) instantly offered to hold the baby, but my niece said absolutely not.
Is this normal for new mothers? My sister told me later she was very hurt. I was too surprised to say anything, but I wondered if I should have? I can understand turning down a stranger, but the baby's grandmother? My own mother died when I was young so I never had a mother who could hold my babies; same for my sister. Seems like it's something you would WANT to share?
Also, my niece seemed obsessed with germs and made us wash our hands at the door in case we might make the baby ill, although the only person in the house who was sick was my niece, who has a mild cold. The baby is full term and perfectly healthy, by the way. Is it now normal to protect babies this way? In general, we felt very unwelcome, but I have no idea why... Could her unfriendliness be related to her just having given birth?
This is my niece's second baby. She has a two year old son also. This was grandma's first visit with this baby. She lives hundreds of miles away and drove 7 hours to come to see the baby (and to have Thanksgiving with me). Any thoughts?
I was very "protective" of my first baby during his first weeks.
I would probably have had no problem with my own mom or sis holding him, etc., but they lived 650 mi. away. I didn't get along with my mil or trust her, and she lived a few blocks away and pestered me constantly to "take over".
Did your niece and her mother have relationship problems before the baby arrived?
My niece had depression during both pregnancies and severe morning sickness that lasted for most of the pregnancy both times, but I don't think she had post partum depression particularly. She looked tired, but not obviously depressed today. I thought she looked unusually healthy and happy actually, just not terribly glad to see us... I brought my two sons and she barely spoke to them, except when my 18 year old was playing with her 2-year old. She wanted to make sure the toddler was safe.
My sister had five kids and she says she was closest to this daughter--very close. But then after her daughter married, she withdrew. My sister says her daughter wouldn't let her hold the first baby at first either, not until he was much older.
My niece and her husband were very friendly to me at first, right after they married. They said they bought their house where it is so they could be near me, but when I broke my back three years ago and couldn't drive the half hour to see them, they never visited and I somewhat lost touch with them. I have invited them over to my house a few times, but they always say no. If she has some kind of grudge, I have no clue what it could be about.
I too, find it odd that the mother is so overly protective, especially with family.
Has your sister asked her daughter why she can't hold the baby?
The mother also needs to be careful when she thinks she is "protecting" the baby from getting sick.
Being overly paranoid with germs and such with a newborn can lead to illness. If she proctect the baby from germs and such by making sure everyone is sanatized the baby will not build up an immunity to these things. A newborns system is evolving constantly during these critical points. Being exposed to everyday germs and bacteria just help the baby's body develop an immunity to disease. Otherwise, later on when the baby is exposed to something like the common cold, it could get very sick because its body wasn't given the chance to build any immunities.
Now I am in no way saying not to be cautious with the baby around people that are sick, but you niece needs to relax a bit and stop trying to surround her baby in a germ free bubble...as it could cause problems later that could have been avioded.
I sit here wondering if this has something to do with the husband. Since all of this seemed to evolve after the marriage. Personally, I don't think it is the new baby at all, but something the husband may have said or done prior to your visit.
I will agree this does not sound normal, if this was a first baby and during the first few months meany go to extremes. Now there are several mental health issues people get that cuase them to have issues with germs and be over protective.
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