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    jen_cheverie's Avatar
    jen_cheverie Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 16, 2009, 09:31 PM
    My boyfriend left me and I'm 7 months pregnant
    I was dating him for almost 2 years and we decided after a year that we would try to get pregnant. I ended up getting pregnant and we had a miscarriage right before christmas last year. He comes to me at the end of January and says that he's ready to try again. I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I said I was too. Secretly I had already been taking my birth control pills for a month already. (seasonique) So when I didn't get my period I didn't expect anything because with seasonique you only get 4 periods a year. But then I started spotting and I was really nauseous. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive, I was 8 weeks pregnant. We were both very excited. I was shocked, my boyfriend still had no idea about the birth control. Anyway, months later we ended up being in a very bad living situation and both under a lot of stress. He proposed to me and was telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and couldn't wait to call me his wife. Two days before our wedding he leaves to go do a job and I get a text almost 2 hours later saying he was breaking up with me, that he needed some space and time to get his life together but still wants to be there for me and our son. When I received this text I was getting alterations done to my wedding dress. I didn't even see it coming. Before he left we cuddled, watched a movie, he kissed me, told each other we love each other, and he even made love to me. Now almost a month has gone by and he's saying he loves me but just not like that anymore and wants to be alone so that he can get a job and his ged. He keeps telling me I'm holding him back from getting his life together and doing things he needs to do. The most confusing part of this is hell only talk to me when its convenient for him, won't show up to the ultrasound appointments or doctor appointments (but says he's going to), when he texts me he still says I love you! I haven't said anything back to him when he says this to me cause I'm hurt and very confused. What should I do? Should I just wait for him to figure things out and hope for the best? Should I give up on him? Should I move on? Should I let him be in the delivery room as our son is being born? Or should I make him wait out in the waiting room? Please help me. I don't know what I should do.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Oct 16, 2009, 09:40 PM

    I would have nothing to do with him ( from your side of the story) After child is born, have your attorney file for custody and he can file for what visits if he he wants
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Oct 17, 2009, 09:31 AM
    You need to get to court and file child support on him, and have no further contact with this fellow.

    Its digusting your so worried about him, and not yourself and your future baby.

    I sure hope you learned your lesson, and take your child's life a lot more seriously than he does.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #4

    Oct 17, 2009, 10:09 AM

    Being a single mother I can tell you that you can do it alone. It's not ideal but it's not impossible either.

    You need to focus on getting yourself together and preparing for the arrival of this baby because whether the father is there, the baby is coming. File for child support as soon as your son is born and speak with an attorney about custody.

    If this guy wants to be a part of your son's life, the ball is in his court to do so. You really can't allow yourself to worry about him or the status of this relationship, worry about yourself and your unborn baby.

    Moving forward, please don't do anything to discourage or inhibit him from having a relationship with his child. So often mothers make that mistake because they're angry. If he wants to be there for the birth, let him. If he wants to visit his child, let him. If he wants to take him to the park for an hour, let him. If you don't, your child will figure it out when he gets older and will resent you. If you do the right thing now, your son will respect you.
    Laurenmichele8's Avatar
    Laurenmichele8 Posts: 40, Reputation: 4
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    #5

    Oct 17, 2009, 06:34 PM

    He's pathetic! What age are you's both if you don't mind me asking?

    Ive personally went through a very very similar situation to the one you are in now. I've miscarried 1nce and my ex and I decided to try again only our daughter was still born. I'm only 18 though and he's 23 happened all within the last year. He left when I was 8 months pregnant told me he wasn't ready for the commitment. I can now tell you that as much as I've hurt over the past year I'm glad I saw the true side to him and I'm even more glad that he's out of my life because I've moved on. It'll be harder for you to completely disgard him though as you have a baby on the way . He should be allowed to see the child if he wants but don't give him anything more, because frankly he doesn't deserve anything more. He sounds confused and insecure as if he doesn't no what he wants from life. I find it horrible that someone would humilate you by splitting up when pregnant and due to be married. You will find someone better who is sure they want you and will treat you and your child as if you's are the most important people in the world and that's exactly what you deserve.. be strong :)
    Jayjay027's Avatar
    Jayjay027 Posts: 153, Reputation: 31
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    #6

    Oct 18, 2009, 08:32 AM

    Wow that is awful, I'm really sorry for what you're going through.

    It's easier said than done, but you NEED to concentrate on you and your child right now. He has chosen not to be a part of this, he chose to push for commitment, then run off. My ex did the same thing only I kept telling him I wasn't ready for a baby.

    He let it get as far as it did, then broke your heart. He is a disgrace.
    Let him be as involved as he wants in your child's life, but don't let him back into your heart - you'll only set yourself up for more heartache.
    jen_cheverie's Avatar
    jen_cheverie Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Oct 18, 2009, 03:36 PM

    talaniman, I was asking a question due to what was on my mind so don't assume that you know anything about me based on my question. I'm just worried that this man will do the same thing to our son and I don't want my son to go through the emotional difficulties I'm going through. If you are going to be rude then please don't post on my questions again. I thought that was very unacceptable.

    Everyone else that has answered my questions so far: thank you for your advice. I've been thinking a lot about everything I've been going through in this situation and I think I know what to do as far as me and him are concerned. As for our son together, I'm giving him every chance to be there for him now and he hasn't followed through just yet and I will keep documenting what he's doing right now for a judge in the future. If he continues to do this then I will make your he doesn't get any visitation at all. From what I know about him he's just going to want to party and smoke pot. This I will not tolerate around my son and if he doesn't grow up then he's going to screw up everything for him and his relationship with his son.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    Oct 18, 2009, 03:54 PM

    I apologize, and your right, I was assuming.

    When it comes to kids, they come first. I am glad you won't let them pay for your guy's lack of manhood.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #9

    Oct 18, 2009, 04:18 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jen_cheverie View Post
    as for our son together, im giving him every chance to be there for him now and he hasnt followed thru just yet and i will keep documenting what hes doing right now for a judge in the future. if he continues to do this then i will make ure he doesnt get any visitation at all. from what i know about him hes just going to want to party and smoke pot. this i will not tolerate around my son and if he doesnt grow up then hes going to screw up everything for him and his relationship with his son.
    As for him not following through on promises during your pregnancy, that's not grounds to deny him visitation. Nor are your assumptions that he will "want to party and smoke pot". You will have to have evidence that the child would be in danger, not guesses.

    I agree, you should not allow certain behavior around your son but as I've already mentioned, don't let your judgement be clouded by your hurt feelings over the failed relationship. Unless he poses a threat, leave the door open for him to have a relationship with his child. If he doesn't walk through it, so be it. But at least you'll have a clear conscience knowing that you didn't stand in his way.
    Laurenmichele8's Avatar
    Laurenmichele8 Posts: 40, Reputation: 4
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    #10

    Oct 19, 2009, 10:04 AM

    Allow all the visitation possible, your son will grow up to know who s good to him and will respect you for letting him make his ownn decision when he grows up. The only reason for ever denying visitation is if your son is in physical danger and you can prove that.. I think its important to let children decide for themselves and your ex will have can't say 'your mother denied me visitation' when explaining to your son why he was never there if that's the case...
    Laurenmichele8's Avatar
    Laurenmichele8 Posts: 40, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Oct 19, 2009, 10:05 AM
    """ your ex can't say "" sorry for the bad English :(
    jen_cheverie's Avatar
    jen_cheverie Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Oct 26, 2009, 11:27 AM

    Thank you everyone for all your great advice. It def helps to see what others are thinking about the same situation that I'm having such a difficult time with. Right now all I can do is hope he will turn around and change when our son is born, but at this point I really don't care what he has to say to me cause I'm done listening to all his excuses and lies. Within the past weeks I've been focusing on my son and just getting ready for his arrival. The doctors have moved my due date from christmas to thanksgiving so he will be here a lot sooner than anyone has planned. I'm so excited but so much to do and all if it is very difficult while now being on bed rest. But I've been keeping myself busy and not worrying about what Braydens father is doing or saying.
    Jayjay027's Avatar
    Jayjay027 Posts: 153, Reputation: 31
    Junior Member
     
    #13

    Oct 26, 2009, 11:32 AM

    You're doing the right thing.
    Your son is much more important than your ex!
    jaflorendo's Avatar
    jaflorendo Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Nov 12, 2010, 07:22 AM
    No. Don't get back together with him. I left my boyfriend of 2 years too even if I am pregnant. My ex is an alcoholic /addict and I'm pretty sure I can not depend on him. If you keep hoping that he'll be there for you but at the end of the day you always get disappointed then it's better if you just cut him off your life. Try not to depend on him anymore, ask for support from your family instead... in my case I will deny visitation cause I fear my child's safety around my ex, and I know my ex will never change, addiction is a lifetime battle. But if your ex seems to be an OK dad then you should give him a chance, if he proves otherwise then deny him of his parental rights too.

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