[motherlove83]

hi everyone I really appretiated all your helpful advice on my last question! :) I now have another one. I have a problem with my daughter cleaning her room aside from all her tantrums and not listening its getting really bad. When she is asked to clean her messes she usually will after severall times of repeating myself. But in the case of her own room now thatsa different story all together.:mad: If I ask her to go and do it she will go to her room and pick up only what she feels like and she will not touch the rest. She also seems to be sarting to take food and school snacks while we are asleep and hide the wrappers in her room so when it comes time to clean we find it. I thought mabey she was still hungary when I put her to bed so I have started to ask her every night she replys `no` How can I get her to clean her room totally and make her bed and help her to understand the importance of staying in a clean environment

[twinkiedooter]

First off, how old is the noncompliant child who thinks messy is the end all to end all?

[froggy7]

And... how much does it matter? My room was messy (things scattered everywhere, and books piled up on the floor by the bed, on the bed, and under the bed, etc.), but not dirty (no dirty dishes, dusted, etc.) My mom laid down the law: I had to have a clear pathway from the bed to the door, in case of emergencies. Clean clothes had to be folded and put away. Dirty clothes had to be put in the laundry, or else they didn't get washed. No dishes allowed to be in the room. I had to clean the room if I wanted to have friends over for sleepovers, etc. And I couldn't complain if I couldn't find something, or something got damaged because I left it on the floor and it got stepped on, etc. Other than that, the door was closed, so it was up to me to figure out what I could tolerate clutter-wise.

[motherlove83]

My daughter is 5 years old and has her own way of things! I do gree that it does matter.How a child is raised reflects on how they will be as an adult I am a very tidy neat freak I guess they call us but I have tries so many times to tell her how important it is to clean after her self.

[Momma to three]

Just give her one specific chore at a time. Instead of telling her to clean her room, which can be an overwhelming request, tell her to put her clothes away, and when that's done, tell her to put her books away, when that's done, tell her to put her dolls away, etc.

[mafiaangel180]

my daughter is 5 years old and has her own way of things!! i do gree that it does matter.How a child is raised reflects on how they will be as an adult i am a very tidy neat freak i guess they call us but i have tries so many times to tell her how important it is to clean after her self.

Though in my eyes I am clean and am somewhat organized, in my grandmother's eyes it's still not good enough. Some think that that sort of thing is a personality trait, which I tend to agree with to some extent. I agree that it's a good thing to teach your child how to be tidy and organized. However, as far as turning her into a "neat freak" or a version of yourself, that just might be something you will never be able to change about her. She just might never be able to hold a candle to your cleanliness. What I would recommend, is making cleaning fun. Have fun and talk, bond while washing the dishes. Make games out of it. Have races to see who can do something the fastest. No doubt cleaning probably overwhelms her, teach her how to section off things and make it appear not so overwhelming. And about her hiding junkfood... put all the junkfood in a place where she can't get it, and leave fun and healthy snacks where she can reach them. Good luck!

[twinkiedooter]

She will only rebel and get messier the more you insist she be a neat freak. My son when he was little used to mess his room up after we spent an hour cleaning and straightening it up. This went on for years regardless of the punishment. Now, believe it or not, he is very neat and keeps his numerous tools clean, extremely neat, and a place for everything. He does the same with his clothes. Ever hear of a 15 year old who ironed his own white shirt? He used to when he was that age.

Mom, right now, there are more important things in life than having a kid's room be neat and tidy. If it bothers you that much (as I am sure it does) then you clean it up if you want your child to not rebel against you. Temper trantrums are a form of rebelling whether you realize it or not.

I'm not happy about the food hoarding stuff as it can cause bugs and rodents. You'll just have to police the area yourself and take the offending goodies elsewhere.

She's only 5. If she was 15, then I'd get worried. Relax, enjoy your wonderchild while you still have her. Lighten up a bit.

[oneguyinohio]

Do you have the room organized in a way that everything has an obvious place for where it goes? Shoes here, books there, toys of this kind go here, and these go in this box... then work with her to have her put things back when she is finished... before moving on to the next activity. The room might be harder for her because she is alone, or not being supervised.

The food wrappers is certainly a sign that she is feeling the need to hide something from you. Perhaps you need to remove the temptation, or at least give permission to have them, but only in designated locations. If it is a matter of too many snacks you can limit the number...

On a psychological note, look into anal-retentive and anal expulsive personality types. It's a theory that might explain some of the difference in personalities in your situation. When dealing with interactions between different personality types, sometimes the approach has to be different than if we deal with two people having the same personality type.

[lacuran8626]

First, figure out if she even knows how to approach the job. If it's just behavior, that's different from being too overwhelmed to know how to do it. It can be hard to tell. An ADHD child, for example, may need to be given smaller steps like, "put the clean clothes away and the dirty in the basket".

If she's just testing you, I would let her know that if you have to clean it, you will do with things whatever you think is appropriate, which may include throwing things away. Then follow through.

I have thrown away a few toys over the years, and it seems to make a point that my expectations for basic cleanliness are not negotiable.

Barring a situation like ADD or a hoarding disorder, I think it's a behavioral issue and should be dealt with as such.