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my friend has really bad body odour, she doesnt use deodorant only perfumey type body mist like impulse etc. my friends & i have been trying to tell her for ages, finally i did in science yesterday, i wrote her a note and as decreetly as i could i wrote:
b, alot of people have been noticing that you have bad body odour, its a natural thing, dont be embarrassed, i have it too, but i manage it by using anti-persperant deodorant ( it stops sweating& odour) we all just wanted to tell you before some one old you & publicly embarrassed you. love me
p.s we wanted to tell u earlier but we didnt want to hurt your feelings.
<end of letter>
that same day she sent me a message saying i was a f**king *****, and really ripping into me about other issues from the past. what should i do?
I agree with CaptainForest.
try once again face to face not through paper.
If she insults you or whatever, then you've done your bit, there is so much more someone can do.
I've never been one to hold back what I have to say, if my friend stinks I tell him/her. I don't expect people to have to live with my BO, why should I tolerate theirs?? I'm not rude, but I don't make a "big stink" about it. Don't make you friend feel like its a big secret but let her know its offensive to you. If you want, reccomend the brand of deororant that you use. It might help her lil problem feel more accepted in your clique. I hope all goes well with your friend.
Doing in a letter to your own friend is a low blow. You should not have done it that way. There are some people that no matter what they put on still have body odour and it can not be helped. The way you wrote that letter, I can not blame her for reacting that way. You should have been able to tell her face to face. Well at least she knows now, but maybe she already did know, but could not do anything about it.
You acted like a true friend.
Most likely, she is embarrassed. You did the right thing so call her up and tell her to get over it and tell her again that you said something because you really care. I would probably feel the same way, if I were her, but I would be glad that I knew.Maybe you can give her an anonymous gift from Santa this Christmas season of a basket with nice soap, a sponge and deoderant?
If she is a valued friend, take the high road here and crack that door of forgiveness first in the hopes that she will follow even though you've done only a little wrong. I do agree with others that a note was unwise for several reasons -- written things tend to appear permenant and carry more weight that way, tone is totally missing from them and they don't give much chance for guaging how it goes or allowing the person much time to prepare. You failed to do it privately too - that was pretty hard on her right there in class, I bet. There are ways of telling truthful things tactfully and you've just learned a little about that -- next time ask here before you send the note and we'll help!
So if you like the idea of starting the forgiveness ball rolling, I suggest you apologise for how you delivered the message, but not the message itself. With fingers crossed, she may see the light, recognize that she went off on you out of her painful embarrassment and apologise back to you -- in which case you hug and make up!
my friend has really bad body odour, she doesnt use deodorant only perfumey type body mist like impulse etc. my friends & i have been trying to tell her for ages, finally i did in science yesterday, i wrote her a note and as decreetly as i could i wrote:
b, alot of people have been noticing that you have bad body odour, its a natural thing, dont be embarrassed, i have it too, but i manage it by using anti-persperant deodorant ( it stops sweating& odour) we all just wanted to tell you before some one old you & publicly embarrassed you. love me
p.s we wanted to tell u earlier but we didnt want to hurt your feelings.
<end of letter>
that same day she sent me a message saying i was a f**king *****, and really ripping into me about other issues from the past. what should i do?
Tell her that what she wrote hurt your feelings, and that you were only trying to help her. Usually, telling people how you feel by their actions is the quickest way to cut through the emotional baggage. If she doesn't respond positivly, then she has too many issues, and lower your expectations of her being a true friend. Maybe some day she'll learn but its her lesson to learn. If she does, she'll ultimately appreciate you tried to help.
Funny I had the same problem with my friend. I was never woman enough to tell her. I wanted to though. If I did I'm sure she would have reacted just like your friend. At least you had the guts to tell her. I'm sure she respected your honesty she was embarassed about the situation. If your friendship is really stron she'll forgive you.
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