Kitkat22 agrees: I would love to get a chance to tell my Dad, my hero goodbye. It haunts me that I left the room and he died about ten minutes later.
The night that my Dad passed away, I was at the theatre. I was involved in a local community theatre production of Nunsense. This musical had a cast of 6 women; all of these women have become life friends.
Nunsense was the last time I heard my Dad laugh. It was a joy to hear him from the stage - I can still remember it.
But that night - it was a Saturday night - when I left, my Dad was in a coma. He had slipped into the coma late Friday evening and hadn't come out. I went to the show and remember thinking at Intermission that I wanted to call home SO much to find out how he was, but I was afraid that he would have been gone, so I didn't call.
We closed the show, I changed, and hurried home. My Dad was still in a coma. I laid down next to him and just stayed there for a bit, hearing his laboured breathing and knowing that it wouldn't be long. I went into the other room and started writing an email to a friend.
I was half way through the email and I heard my Mom. He had passed on sweetly in his coma. I remember the instant numbness that spread over my entire body. I stayed there, by his side, until they came to take him away. I couldn't watch that, so I went downstairs to play piano.
That was the most amazing moment on the piano... I remember almost feeling his presence while I was playing, telling me that it was going to be OK, that I was going to make it, and that he'd never leave me.
I know what you mean when you feel that you weren't there for him when he passed on. I wish I had stayed by his side a little longer... but I know that your Dad knew - as mine did - that you loved him. Loved him SO much.