Unknown Anger Issue
Asked Jan 24, 2008, 12:45 PM
I am not too sure where to start. I am on my third marriage and still do not seem to be doing anything right.
Let me give you some background information on myself... I am a disabled Vet who has PTSD/Major Depression/ with loads of Anxities. I am almost always hyper-vigilant/sensative to things around me. I really only feel safe when I am at home, alone, and then sometimes not even then.
I have been through a DBT class and have learned loads from that on how to deal with my feelings and emotions but it doesn't seem to be the answer when it comes to my anger, which is ever so present in my life, no matter what I do. I am a load better than what I used to be but it still seems to run/ruin my life. I am miserable.
In my current situation; married with step-children who think of me as their only known father, I have only lost my temper one time and had one child removed from the household. He was involved in a prior abusive marriage where he was abused both physically and verbally. From the very beginning, he and I hit heads. No matter what I did to make him feel loved, he rejected me and taunted me with his hate for men/father figure. He now resides with his grandparents. I blew up with him and rage got the best of me. Although I did no physical harm, I did yell and curse at him and came after him. My 18 year old stopped me and I later checked into my local Mental Health facillity for a short stay. He was removed from the house during that time.
With my PTSD, I have constant nightmares and anniversary dates through-out the year which makes it very difficult for me to have any real peaceful days. When I get triggered it takes me a little longer to calm down than most other people and if I am triggered again before calming down, then it makes it even longer and then I start to seeth.
When this happens I get angery at everything. My wife recently started work and this makes me very angery. Not because she got a great job, but because I cannot work because of the nature of my disability. I have confronted my wife with this to let her know that she isn't the reason I am so angery but I still want to blame her. I know that it is wrong and I do not want her to quit her job, I think this job is very good for her and she needs it. So when she comes home from her long day at wirk, I have dinner ready for her. I do the house work, dishes, laundry, vaccuming and such.
If we get into an argument, I cannot seem to let it go. Even after talking it out with her calmly. Last night we had a huge blow out and I walked out on her; later came back home after spending time with my mother.
Now I sit here shaking, typing you for help. I don't know what to do? I love her and the children, that has never been in question. But I don't think I love myself very much and that makes me angery.
Sorry for making this so long and seeminly with no direction in my question(s).