ive always enjoyed my own company, ive always been rather antio-social, ive had mates throughout school, college and now uni but non that mean the world to me or i could call a true friend! when i was 16 my mates at high school started going out of a friday or saturday evening and i never joined in. i hated going anywhere, i just wanted to be in with myself or my family, in the comfort of my own home. i began to lose friends as i never socialised.
at college i socialised a bit more, but very rarely. i was lucky to find a few mates who had boyfriends not at college so it suited me great i spoke to them in college but never saw them outside. i even started to flirt, but with lads way out my league.
i have no confidence, no self-esteem, and im highly insecure.
i have a part time job, which i dread as i would just rather be at home, but i met a lad i liked there, we got chatting but then when i thought it was going somewhere i freaked out and backed off. we met a few weeks later and things sort of kicked off, we started dating and it was good, til he mentioned sex. i dumped him, and he pestered me, he wants me back but i dont want him because i dont want to leave the house.
im freaked out by it now, i have no friends, and no desire to have a boyfriend, im happy in my own company, yet i crave attention. i just cant make a commitment to a lad or to go out with a friend or anything, i just feel safe in my own home.
im no 20 and im really depressed, does anyone have any ideas, as i want the life of others, i want to be able to socialise and want a bf but i jus have the biggest fear of any commitment, and if im with people i feel trapped, i just want to be on my own all the time!

peggyhill

If you feel really uncomfortable around people and are depressed, that might be something to talk to a counselor and/or your doctor about. If it were me, I would make an appointment with my family doctor and ask him for a referral to a good counselor. Everyone has those moments where they don't feel like going out, but if this is something you have been struggling with for a while, it might be time to get some professional help. My fiancee's sister had this problem for years. Once she started going to therapy she was able to get much better. I hope that you find someone good to talk to. It can be scary sometimes, but you can't let life pass you by. Getting help will make you able to live you life to the fullest!

whatisupwithme

but does that make me crazy if i need help, will i have to pay i have no money at all

peggyhill

First of all, no it absolutely does not make you crazy. Lots of people talk to a counselor or ask their doctor for help; it just means that you need a little outside help for the moment. So please don't worry about that. There used to be kind of a stigma about seeing a counselor, but people are much more educated about these things now, and I'm sure no one will think you are "nuts".
There is help out there if you aren't able to pay. A lot depends on where you live. Some groups that may be able to help you find counseling would be your local health department, a local mental health center, a church where support groups meet (check the newspaper), or you could look up free mental health treatment online for your area. Some hotlines that might help you find the right organization for free counseling are:

The National Mental Health Association 1-800-969-6642

The American Counseling Association 1-800-347-6647

You can also see if there are any free healthcare clinics in your area (the health department can help you with that). Often there are clinics which provide free or reduced cost care, and they can be a good resource for counseling for anxiety/depression

Remember, honey, lots of people deal with stuff like this. It doesn't mean you are crazy, ok? You just need some help for right now. Counseling is great anyway. Lots of people do counseling before they get married to help them get along better. So, it's pretty common and lots of people have seen a counselor or talked to a doctor about this kind of stuff at some point. Hope this helps!

N0help4u

Is it just the people or do you actually have a fear of leaving the house too?
You could have agoraphobia as well as some type of social anxieties.
If the guy knows you don't want sex and he still pesters you if he is okay with you not wanting it he may be the best guy for you to help you overcome your fears.