Distraction

maria26 · Apr 25, 2006, 11:35 PM

I am trying to get over somebody who I was never was really with... what I mean is that he is very taken and yet we spend a lot of time during the day talking to each other about everything. We constantly email and call each other if we can't meet up and when we do we can't get ourselves to end our conversations and move on with the day. Well I can't have him, so I asked myself and friends how could I get myself to move away and stop carrying for a man I can not have. I have decided to date somebody on a daily basis... a distractor... but is that healthy? Am I doing the right thing? :confused:
I thank you for any response.

Ow and I work with him too... but two different buildings!

jeffatl · Apr 26, 2006, 12:08 AM

Why can't you have him? Is he involved? If not, sounds like he is interested in you, even if he is! YIPES! Guys don't really pal around with girls like that unless they have known each other for a LONG time, or they want more. We kind of need the whole story to be able to help you out...

fredg · Apr 26, 2006, 04:53 AM

Hi,
Is he married? I don't understand.
If he is, then STOP all communications with him. You are only hurting yourself, and it will only get worse. Best of luck.

Chery · Apr 26, 2006, 06:15 AM

Hello, and welcome to the forum. There are more questions from us than answers at present, but one thing to key in on is: We usually want what is hard to get... until we got it... then the novelty wears off.

If you are in your early twenties and this is the first time you feel this 'strong' about someone, or physically attracted to, be assured that this feeling will come your way more times than you can imagine right now.

But, since you did not specify age, or past relationships, it's hard to give you definitive advice.

I would calculate a guess and suggest that you either move away silently, or tell him of your feelings so that he can make a choice of distancing and/or going further for you both. Just don't leave the doubt or the 'definate maybe' in the air too long, it's not healthy for your emotional make-up, and probably not good for your career as you don't fully concentrate when thinking about him all day.

Please feel free to enlighten us a little more, and we'll be more than happy to help you further, as you go along this road with no sure end to it. You need to be reassured as to where this is heading, or you'll not grow out of this state - even if you find someone else as it would not be fair to you or your new 'partner'.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.

DJ 'H' · Apr 26, 2006, 07:40 AM

Well he definitely likes you, talking for hours on end is definitely a sign. My boyfriend and I were a lot like you are describing before we got together.

From what you have said though, it sounds like he is in a relationship, which obviuosly is not a good thing. You really should perhaps take a step back (not ignore him completely) but allow him to work things out for himself.

The one thing you have to do is focus your mind elsewhere - like you work! Keep in persepctive what is important. As much as you like this guy and as well as you both get on you have to just remember that you, your job and your life is more important right now.

When I first liked my boyfriend Pete (back in April last year) he was seeing someone else. I just took a step back carried on with my life, going to work, hanging with friends dating other guys. I only ever had a brief conversation with Pete in passing in the end (and he lives next door to me).

It was not until September/October that we bumped into each other whilst on a nightout and once again got chatting. It was at that point I decided to ask him about the girl he was seeing and found out he was single. We exchanged numbers that night and went out on a date the following week. 7months later we are still together and growing closer everyday.

If this guy really does like you and you really do like him, then be patient -you never know what's a round the corner. If you just continue to live your life like I did then you never know it could be you and him exchanging numbers somewhere down the line or it could be totally different guy. That's the exciting thing about life, no one knows what the future will bring. ;)

maria26 · Apr 26, 2006, 11:12 AM

Please don't think terribly of me but he is married... for three years. I am in my twenties but he is much older. We work together so not much in avoiding him... I have had other serious relationships.. one of my closest and longest (2 years) was again with someone much older... but I feel a closer connection with him than I did with the other man. And I have dated people my age but they just don't interest me...

maria26 · Apr 26, 2006, 11:15 AM

Ow and we have known each other for about seven months and have been talking more and more and time progressed... thank you for all your advices.

Chery · Apr 26, 2006, 11:24 AM

We can well understand that some men our age are less mature than what we prefer, however, he's married. If he does not intend to leave his wife for you, then your best bet is to find someone that you can share all of your quality time with instead of pining for someone you cannot have. You'll only wind up the loser in this situation, and I don't think that you were born to be a loser all your life.

Look at your future goals, and find an older man not attached to match you in every way and who will also share the whole of himself with you. You should not settle for witty conversations, lunches, or talks during breaks. Respect yourself enough to want the entire pie and not just a slice.

Outside of this, there is nothing more you'll get as far as encouragement to waste your precious time away for something unreachable.

Good luck, dear, and please start respecting yourself more.

You should respect and like what you see every morning. Be good to yourself.

Wildcat21 · Apr 26, 2006, 02:42 PM

Hun, I hate to spoil your parade... he is married.

"People WANT what they can't have" - ALWAYS.

End all contact UNTIL, and IF he has a divorce. Tell him how you feel if he asks... IF he feels the same way - HE MUST BE divorced IF you proceed further. Nothing more.

AND PLEASE - for the love of god!! Don't lead this other guy on. Its OK to date him to see IF there is anything more... but do not let him fall for you. Let him know early on how you feel - that you just aren't sure. Tell him you must take it slow!!

maria26 · Apr 26, 2006, 11:04 PM

Thank you all for your responses... I will aim for the whole pie like chery states and not a slice... Thank you!

fredg · Apr 27, 2006, 04:43 AM

Hi, maria,
There are many single older men. Don't settle for one who is married! It's rare an older man will divorce his wife, just to marry a younger woman. The more you get involved with a married man, the more hurt there will be; on your part.
Move on with your life, and start talking with other men, who are single.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Chery · Apr 27, 2006, 06:42 AM

Originally Posted by maria26

Thank you all for your responces...i will aim for the whole pie like chery states and not a slice...Thank you!

Good girl, that's a healthy start. Remember that you deserve the respect and compassion of someone just for you, so don't settle for less.

Get back with us if you find yourself lost in the 'second hand shop of life' again!