Recently, I have been trying to be more spiritual and christian like, although I dont' necessarily "feel it" per se, but there was a recent point in time where due to a bad breakup I had, (and my depression) some of my friends who are 'spiritual" were encouraging me to jump on the bandwagon.

Anyway, the point is that I had already grown up in a conservative organized religion, and I feel as if I'm already "done" with that part of my life. BUT, my friends - the ones who have led lives filled with drugs, sex etc etc, (while I was a good conservative christian) are now turning spiritual and so I decided to continue with the flow.

Whenever my friends praised God, I'd join in with them.

WEll, the time is coming when i don't feel like doing this anymore - not because I don't believe in God but because I simply feel that people should accept me for who I am - not for what I believe in. If I dont' feel like going to church, they should accept this.

Point in case, one of my "spiritual" friends had invited me to view his facebook, and there he was - although he praises God and shows me bible texts all the time, he blocked me from viewing certain pictures of his with his girlfriend lol, as if I would take offense at them. The thing is that I wouldn't. In fact, I have many friends who are not "spiritual" so I don't know what the big deal is. But I don't want people to see me as this "good girl" which is the feeling that I get. I don't want that.

Then, my ex husband, who also has a facebook lol, and who grew up conservative christian and who eventually cheated on me and committed adultery - well I saw that his parents who practice shunning as part of their religion - actually added him on their facebook.

Anyway, I don't want to bore you guys with this, but I don't understand my own psychology. You see, I want that. I want to be loved even if I'm the devil incarnate. (which I'm not but you get the point)

I have a spiritual webpage that my friends post on, but I feel like taking it down becuase first of all, I don't necesarily feel spiritual, and second of all, I don't want to be "boxed in" feeling that my friends only accept me if I am spiritual and that they're afraid of holding certain conversations with me because they're afraid of how I may see them.

But I'm torn. It's just that I see how my "spiritual" friends accept their other friends who are not necesarily the greatest people, and I want to have that honor - just like my idiot ex husband who was accepted by his family and who is loved even though he committed the ultimate sin.

So what's wrong with me? lol

new diyer

I believe in living my life for me. I am kind and considerate, and hold my integrity above all else. BUT I also tell it like it is. If I didn't want to be "pegged" as spiritual or whatever, I would tell people how I was feeling. "That's nice, but I'm not practicing anymore"- in relation to religion, or just become more blunt "I would not be offended, I believe in God, but I'm not a nun!"... eventually I think they'll get the picture. (Just my opinion)

2ndTime

I went to church today and I heard some interesting sermon. Ken Duncan, a famous Australian artist said that you don't have to be a fruit cake (acting crazy) or dragging people by the neck to prove that you are a Christian.