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I've been brainwashed by the media (this is embarrassing)
I can't see beauty in me. The media got it's message sink in me very well!
I know it's my fault really because of my own weakness and low self esteem. It's just that now I don't seem to be able to break this mindset...
I'm no model... I've always had bad self esteem. Never really got a lot of compliments on my appearance, in highschool guys never gave me the time! So I always felt ugly... but I didn't really think about girls in ads and stuff. Just that boys didn't like me...
I'm not ugly, and I'm at my healthy weight... I'm kinda hourglassy in shape, I know I have an actually nice looking body. But I'm not hot. I don't think I'm sexy... because I haven't got the toned body, the big breasts, the firm round butt, the flat stomach, etc... and it seems that I'm bombarded by these images everyday and I can't ignore them! I just feel so bad when ads show girls with that type of body and I just see myself and hate it!
My boyfriend says he finds me very sexy, but this doesn't help either! He tries so hard to reassure me and is so sweet in doing so, but somehow I just think if I had that body type it'd be even better for him...
I don't know what to do! As much as I rationally think that looks are unimportant, that those images are fake, that I'm not bad looking, that most of the population doesn't look like that, etc, I can't seem to feel better about myself...
I feel very insecure, and it eats me up inside... what can I do to finally conquer this nagging insecurity of mine? I just feel I'll never be truly attractive...
Avoid the media as much as you can. The media wants you to feel inadequate so you will do what the advertisers want: buy, buy, buy, and then buy some more.
Let go of those ideas about physical beauty. A hundred years ago, the large heavy women were the sex symbols because they were believed to be healthier and be able to birth children better... which was needed for life back then and also many children died young...
All those ideas about "physical beauty" are only skin deep, but an ugly personality is something that goes much deeper. In a few years... after the skin fades, boobs sag, and hair thins.... the personality can still remain in tact. Work on the personality, and others will see it!!
I think I would suggest some therapy to help you determine what the root of the problem is. low self esteem has its roots in all sorts of things from parents to guilt to who knows what. Get some professional help soon.
The one thing that we, as women, often forget about the "Hollywood beauties" is their own personal lives. How many of them have actually been in a stable relationship that lasted? How many actually have men that love them for who they are, not what they are?
Take some time to write down the wonderful, beautiful, breath-taking things in your life.... the things that make you who you are. Your personality, your boyfriend, your interests, your dreams... find those things that make you happy and capitalize on them.
Find the beauty in your life - revel in that beauty. Revel in your uniqueness. Your qualities that make you, you.
And smile... I always feel more beautiful when I smile.
Sorry you are feeling badly. Have you considered talking to a counselor? If you have been struggling with these feelings for a long time, it might help you out. The counselors can not only listen to you, but give you great advice on how to change your thinking.
Remember that those pictures of models are airbrushed, computer-edited, touched-up etc. They have a team of hairdressers, personal trainers, dentists, plastic surgeons, etc. to help them look the way they do. Their business is how they look, and that's why they spend much much more time on their appearance than an average woman.
I know a girl who used to model. She said the pictures in her portfolio were far, far different from the way she looks when she wakes up in the morning. She said that she spent so much time on her appearance, exercising, etc. that she didn't even have a personal life! She was really miserable when she was modeling because her 'flaws' were constantly being pointed out by photographers etc. She is really happy now that she isn't focusing on appearance so much. So, my point is, the models often feel just as insecure and self-conscious as the rest of us.
The most attractive woman is a confident woman. See if you can try counseling or find some reading material about self-esteem and women. Maybe your boyfriend would be willing to go to a counseling session with you. Sometimes taking a friend or significant other along the first time can make it easier.
Just remember that you are a real woman, not a plastic, fake, surgically enhanced Barbie. Women are supposed to have curves and look like women. You are beautiful, intelligent, and unique. So smile, take a deep breath, and go buy something special for your sexy self!
It's important to remind yourself of the re-touching celebrities and people in ads receive. Here are a few examples of what was on the cover, and what the actual picture looks like:
This one, of Faith Hill on the cover of Redbook is equally as horrible. You can see where they removed lines from her eyes, smoothed out her hair, slimmed her arm, and slimmed her back and legs. Her skin is also a totally different color and much, much smoother.
You can't base what you are supposed to look like off of these images. Real women can NEVER compete with photo-enhanced images. And we aren't supposed to, we're supposed to be natural and beautiful, not plastic! There's an article I saw recently with a collection of lots of these images, I'll see if I can find it and post it. Once you see what these women (and men) look like in REAL life (and not even really that since they've been through hair and makeup...) it might help you change your perspective.
This one is by a guy who does photo retouching. There are only three images of people, and only two of women, but you can see how drastic the retouching is.
It sounds like your issues are long-term and I doubt they will be solved by seeing these pictures, but it might give you some perspective. We all struggle with the images on TV, in movies and in magazines, you aren't the only one. If it has a negative effect on your daily life, however, you might want to seek professional help. Problems like yours can lead to eating disorders and intense depression, and I'm sure the people you love don't want to see that happen!
I agree with the others. Have you ever seen those celeb mags with the before and after make-up!??? Any more I think that the non glamorous people equal the glamorous ones in Hollywood people just pay more attention to the Paris Hilton celebs than the Rosie O'Donell's.
But it isn't about looks. It is about quality of your life.
I have had people tell me I am pretty and I have had about as many tell me I am ugly.
Where does people's opinions of your looks really get you?
People say Britney, Paris and others are 'hot' but look at the mess their lives are in.
You have a boyfriend and life ain't bad for you so focus on the positive qualities in your life.
Leave the feeling ugly to the ugly people like myself.
No one judges you as harshly as you judge yourself... you have to find a way to make peace with yourself and be proud of who you are. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it is true. I bet you look fantastic and simply don't see it. What's more, you were not created to fit in a mold made by superficial eyes. You were made to be unique and admirable for qualities that sight alone can not measure. There is no reason to go through life feeling bad about yourself, no matter what the reason. If you feel insecure about your body image, talk to a professional about your concerns. Get the reassurance and guidance to live a happy and fulfilling life.
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