Hi.
Not sure what to do or if there are any great self help books out there. Please be so kind as to reccomend some.
My situation. I am insecure. For instance, we were at a theme park standing in the que and i got frustrated at the fact that my fiance would constantly turn her back towards me and instead chose to stand next to my friend and not me. The entire day she would not look at me once, but constantly stare into my friends eyes and talk with him, but not once with me.
If i go an stand by her side she would move to the opposite barrier and look away from me, turning her back to me.
When i talk only my friend looked and responded. She would not look, smile or respond in any way. So is started feeling insecure about this. Why she is acting this way i dont know.
I told her how i felt and she said i am going to push her away if i make this an issue. Now i feel i was in the wrong. I told her body language says a lot and the fact that she turns her back on me constantly pretending i am not there says a lot to me. She then said i imagine things etc. and started screaming about how childish i am so i just left the house.
I am starting to feel that i am no longer ready for this relationship. I never use to be this insecure, but the more my love grows the more i become insecure.
Its easy when things you cannot control take such a big chunk out of us, that its so upsetting. You can control yourself, your thoughts, and actions. I think it helps to think before you act, or speak, at least then you wont have something stupid to apologize for.
Sometimes the best actions, are none at all.
Have you had a check up, or a talk with a doctor?? You should, you never know. Given your history with this female, she doesn't bring out the best in you for sure. You may be getting some of her weird moods transfered to you.
I will have to see a shrink at some point. Noticing a lot of issues i have, then taking it out on the relationship.
I might have some damage that i picked up 9 years ago and its starting to work itself out now. What happend was me and my ex gf broke up, we were together 3.5 years. She cheated on me. A few days after the break up my best friend died in a freak accident, and then to top that off, me and my family moved far far away so i had no other friends or anyone to relate to.
Withdrew from society for roughly 8.5 years.
Took me 8 years to return to his grave and make ammends with the reality that he is gone. So i must admit getting back into the whole aspect of society, and life in general is hard.
No wonder that its hard, it sounds like you had a lot on your plate back then, and especially when life altering incidents happens all at once... it would do a number on anyone.
I'm glad that you've decided to take a hold of all of this now though, thats a good start (if one can put it in those words)
Everybody heals at their own pace, and some need more time then others.
I def recommend seeing a psychologist, I started seeing one about 4.5 years ago and has found it very helpful! I've found that it has given me the tools I need in order to deal with some difficult things... and you seem to be at a place now where you are ready to deal and face some of the issues that you have been experiencing and thats a good starting point for therapy.
I'm sorry to hear about the things that happened to you though!
Hi.
Not sure what to do or if there are any great self help books out there. Please be so kind as to reccomend some.
My situation. I am insecure. For instance, we were at a theme park standing in the que and i got frustrated at the fact that my fiance would constantly turn her back towards me and instead chose to stand next to my friend and not me. The entire day she would not look at me once, but constantly stare into my friends eyes and talk with him, but not once with me.
If i go an stand by her side she would move to the opposite barrier and look away from me, turning her back to me.
When i talk only my friend looked and responded. She would not look, smile or respond in any way. So is started feeling insecure about this. Why she is acting this way i dont know.
I told her how i felt and she said i am going to push her away if i make this an issue. Now i feel i was in the wrong. I told her body language says a lot and the fact that she turns her back on me constantly pretending i am not there says a lot to me. She then said i imagine things etc. and started screaming about how childish i am so i just left the house.
I am starting to feel that i am no longer ready for this relationship. I never use to be this insecure, but the more my love grows the more i become insecure.
Maybe it is not you that is insecure, but your girlfriend. It sounds like she may be a little immature and not ready for a relationship. I would not want to be with someone (especially if they were my boyfriend/girlfriend) if they ignored me, saved their smiles for others, and brushed me off. It is always hard when both partners like each other on different levels. It also makes breaking up more difficult if you are the one that likes her more. However, if she treats you this way while dating, she could very well treat you similarly if you guys ever got married. Think about long-term whenever you begin to date someone. It saves a headache later on. There is a right girl out there that will definitely appreciate you.
Here is a book that you might want to read. It is called Escaping Emotional Entrapment by Daniel Rutley. It is a good read for anyone and will definitely encourage you and help you to see "things" in a different manner.
Don't sell yourself short. If you need to, make a list of what you want out of life - Long term and short term. Work towards those goals. Keep them realistic. Just remember that we all have our ups and downs, and that life is full of lessons. Learn from every situation and improve on the next.
I am sorry about what you have already had to face. These are hurdles that I know you will eventually jump over.
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