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It has dawned on me recently that I have never been without a man in my life. I think I have always had a boyfriend. Usually when I would break up with one, I would be seeing someone else the next day. I have this huge fear of being alone. I actually think I inherited that trait from my mother which I am not proud of. I want to try and live the single life for a while and do my own thing. The only problem I am having is that I don't know how or where to start. I am single right now and it scares the crap out of me. Does anyone have advice that they can share?
Marg ... isn't it funny that when you were married you can't help but envy the single life (not necessarily the dating aspect) but the freedom? Try to remember what it was that you wanted to do when you were married. Ok, so I'm married now and I don't want to change that, but I was also like you by never being alone for long. The things I fantasize doing if I were alone and had no children to care for is going out with my friends and having fun, playing golf, going biking, running, being on my own and reading a good book, taking a long, hot bath. Take some courses on some special interests like photography or painting (or whatever). A lot of activities involve some sort of companionship. So find yourself some good, close friends that are also single who you can share your interests and your thoughts with. I'm not always good at practicing this, but I've realized in a relationship there has to be a balance of "friend time" and "alone time" and not only "him time".
stay busy with ur work and study, think positively
make good gfs
spend quality with ur family
do volunteering work
there are many other ppl in this world need love, I went to a nursing home one day, bringing some flowers to the olders, I realize how beautiful love can be at different levels.
This is such a great opportunity for you to really get to know yourself. Reconnect with friends, start hobbies and just take time for yourself. Soon enough you will enjoy your own company and love being by yourself. You need to know who you are separate from a man.
Don't be scared this is a pretty exciting journey AND it gets to be all about you
Take up some hobbies that you can do alone or your girlfriends but you should know that the feelings you are having are natural thus you have to put a little more effort into doing this.
Most people would tell you to meet up with friends and have a great time, or do the things you have always wanted to do. That's really good advice and you should do it. But it's the hours when we are alone that we need to learn to cope with the most. The wet days and the long lonely nights. I had a friend and I tried to convince her to write a book about the single life. Here is what she did...... She worked on re-creating herself; new wardrobe, new hairstyle, makeover, she re-claimed her home, furnishing it exactly as she wanted it, she took up painting and writing, she dressed nice and went shopping for things to make her home nice and herself feel good, and in the small hours, after a luxury bubble bath with candles and a glass of wine, she put some flowers on the table and fixed herself a nice meal and help herself to another glass of wine. ...... The secret to coping on your own is to treat yourself how you would like others to treat you - treat yourself like a movie star in your own home.
Go out with some of your girls!
Go for a day at the spa... get some R&R time for yourself. You must keep in mind that you are a woman and you do not need a man no matter what society (and my famliy) seem to think. Just enjoy not being tied down, and for goodness sake, have some chocolate cheese cake.
It's not something to be frightened of. If anything it is something to be grabbed at every opportunity. Yes, there are bound to be concerns and you will make mistakes because someone has always been there to sort it out.
I am now single (after 24'ish years of living with one wife or another) and have more friends both married and single that I could ask for. Life is good, I choose what I want when I want. I realise that it sounds selfish, but you only get one shot at this living thing. My two ex-wives enjoyed my company for enough years (well they said they did LOL) it's time to sporead the happiness around to the rest of the world. You guys (and gals) deserve it.
Joking aside, don't be worried about being alone. I am sure that if the single life doesn't suit you, it would be easy enough to get back on the dating circuit. Good luck with whatever you want to do with YOUR life. Col
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