How Important Is Having An Intimate Relationship To You?

Perhaps because of the environment in which they were reared?

Tv,hollywood,everyone's doing it kind of thing....

Example,if I'm on my own there must be something wrong with me...so,instead of being happy on my own ill make myself more miserable by jumping from relationship to relationship,not getting close enough for the intimacy they want or need.

Perhaps I'm clueless too.

In general, I believe that we all seek: happiness and comfort. However, everyone has a different interpretation of happiness and comfort, which can be separated in two categories.

If you can find happiness and comfort alone, then mission accomplished!

If you find happiness and comfort by sharing your life with someone you care about deeply, then mission accomplished!

The problem occurs when you're stuck in limbo or in the process. The process can be fustrating at times.

Those who can find happiness and comfort by themselves have an easier time than those who need to find another person. Reason being, we can't control how others feel about us. So not only do we have to worry about ourselves, but we also have to worry about how the other person feels.

We can put yourselves out there to increase our chances of finding significant others, but there are no guarantees that we can find someone who will share the same feelings. Therefore, it's also important to be happy with ourselves, otherwise life can be miserable if we're constantly searching for something that we can't find.

I think sometimes we want something so bad, we overlook the obvious, and fall for anything, just to have something. We hang on, and just can't let go, even when we see that its no good for us.

I have learned to appreciate what I have got, and enjoy it, rather than look for something I may never find.

Good things have a tendency of showing up when you need it, besides, half the time we are not sure of what it is we are looking for, nor would recognize it, if it smacked us between the eyes. I think you have to make the most of what you have, and not worry about what you don't, and honestly, that in itself is a lot of work.

I am married, I am happy, I love my husband and we have a wonderful relationship. He really is my best friend, my lover, my partner in every way.

Now, if I was single, I don't think I'd be out there looking. I like myself, I like being with myself, heck, I'm a fun person to hang out with. I wouldn't want a relationship just so I can say I'm in a relationship. That's not my style, never has been.

I met my hubby at 19. We clicked and we've never stopped clicking. If he died tomorrow (heaven forbid!) then yes, I'd feel like a part of my soul was torn out of me, not because of the lack of a physical presence in my life, but for the lack of him, his humor, his love, his acceptance, just...him. I'd miss him every day of my life, but I'd go on.

I don't think you need a "significant other" in your life if you yourself are significant.

Just my two cents. If it makes sense.

Well, that was intimate and is intimate. All is well and good with that.

What I'm asking about here, is people who can't stand being without someone who's intimate with them in their lives. It could be in the sexual sense. Physical, personal, emotional, it's hard to describe, but I'm sure that there are those who know what I'm talking about here!

To me, some of us just simply don't need someone else in our lives in order for us to reach our full potential to be a person who realizes their full worth and is a productive and positive contributer to society.

Thanks!

Products of the environment. You may be on to something there, reddy!

I choose not to be a product of the enrironment or the status quo.

I just don't understand why some people think that they have to be in some kind of close, intimate relationship with someone else in order for them to feel that they are complete as a person.

Thanks!

I think that a lot of times the people that desperately search for 'the one' don't see the many good people that are right there in front of them.

There are so many people that take for granted the huge bank of love available to them from other intimate relationships in their lives.

I think that there are also a lot of people that want someone to fill a void they must fill themselves with their own love for themselves. (Was going to use the term self love but thought the connotations might lower the tone )

I am not there yet myself. I have my own issues I have to address before I feel I am anywhere near ready to enter into a relationship but I think I am on the right track. But my search for love for myself isn't to the goal of being in a relationship. In all honesty, look around, relationships are a dime a dozen as long as you are willing to settle. It is rare that true love is found in this world, in my opinion. I think that intimacy, not sexual but emotional, is rare. Too often the alternate meanings of the word are not separated and people run head long into relationships that will never work, and stay because the fear of loneliness is crippling.

But the loneliness that can be felt in a unhealthy relationship is far more soul destroying than simply being alone.

There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Am I alone? No, I have a lot of friends and family that are around me that are ready to support me and love me should I ever need anything. Do I sometimes feel lonely? Yes. But it is not the want of 'someone' in my life that makes me feel this way, it is jealousy. Genuinely, Green is not normally my colour but I get a small tinge when I see people that have found truly intimate sexual love, a partner. But then I give myself a second and I'm smiling in the knowledge that it is possible, it is out there, which is something that is easy to forget.

Ok might have gone on a bit of a speil here but its just my 2c.

Wise words and well written by you, I wish!

I agree with the pursuit of happiness and comfort thing. I've found my happiness and comfort. But, it' not with another person. It's between myself, what I do for a living and God.

This still isn't just about me though. I'm trying to firgure out how others don't really feel complete and satisfied with themselves unless they are in some kind of intimate relationship with someone else.

The mindset there baffles me. I don't understand it.

Thanks!

Okay, so you're not a seeker. I'm trying to figure out why some people are seekers. It would appear that the majority of people postiting questions about relationships on this site are seekers.

I'm not trying to be judgemental, but I just don't understand the mentality of a seeker.

Thanks!

Clough

I think the reason most people we see on here are seekers is that most of them have just been dumped and therefore because they are in a state of emotional turmoil are just reaching out for someone , anyone to ease their pain and redeem a bit of self esteem.

Just my take on it

Good thread though and some very valid and interesting discussion.