I have always been the over weight freckled face girl who wasn't the girl all the boys went after, I used to get made fun of by some growing up. So you can see why my insecurities aren't very high. I never really had too many boyfriends who wanted me for me.

Now that I am older, not ugly or fat.. my insecurities are still there. I don't know what to do to change it. Also it is messing with my relationship.

I find insecurities taking over everything and the bad thoughts run through my mind.

I've read different articles on how to fix it... but nothing seems to work!

:confused:

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Originally Posted by caligirl001

I have always been the over weight freckled face girl who wasnt the girl all the boys went after, I used to get made fun of by some growing up. so you can see why my insecurities arent very high. I never really had too many boyfriends who wanted me for me.

Now that i am older, not ugly or fat..my insecurities are still there. I dont know what to do to change it. also it is messing with my relationship.

I find insecurities taking over everything and the bad thoughts run through my mind.

I've read different articles on how to fix it...but nothing seems to work!

:confused:

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I have to disagree with your "never really had too many boyfriends who wanted me for me" statement. Men who "want" you because you are NOT overweight and freckled face do NOT want you for you. They want you for what you are on the outside, not for who you are on the inside.

Other than appearance what do you have going for you? Do you have a skill, a talent, a good personality, a good education? Or is your insecurity based simply on looks - which apparently have become more "improved" (for lack of a better word)?

Maybe that's it, I've never really been able to pin point good flaws about myself... I can't even figure out what I want to do with my life... I just want to be happy... and successful. Im a good listener, I laugh a lot, sarcastic, out going... good traits I think. And yes, I believe its just the appearance that has ed up my mind

Take some time to work on the things that you're unhappy with. There's no reason for you to live unhappy about yourself. Be proactive.

I suggest taking a look at this book:
https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits.php

There are many other self-help books that you can get at the library or elsewhere that can help boost your self-esteem.

Just don't let anyone put you down. You are who you are. If you want to change something about yourself, then do it for yourself and NOT for someone else. You make your own happiness.

Try putting all your insecurities to the back of your head. In my opinion, I don't think that it's about how many boyfriends you get, it's about having a boyfriend who will always be there for you. You don't want boys who will always end up breaking your heart do you? Why don't you try focusing on the body features that are beautiful instead of the ones that get you down. Everyone is beautiful but some people don't show it. Just smile and be happy because for every minute your sad, that's a minute you will never get back. So my advice would be to do things that make you happy and throw all those insecurities away. It's your time to reveal something beautiful :)
-AdviceAngelx
Help when you need it the most

When we are young and we hear bad things about ourselves they stick sometimes... and as adults we kind of sort of still believe them.

Your not a child now,there are no boys and girls making fun of you,you're a grown woman.

Look at yourself in the mirror,what do you see,a little girl with freckles?

Or a grown woman who can get the tools to change that view.

See the swan,not the ugly duckling.

Perhaps you still see yourself that way,but others don't.

Getting your hair and makeup done can change your apperence,but you need to change the way you see yourself from the inside out.

As for you not knowing what you want to do with your life, that will come later... to figure this out is often a journey, for some that journey is short and for some is long.

In connection with this I have a question: do you often see all you faults and none of your positive sides?

In the past I have also struggled with my confidence, even though I had no obvious reasons to (from other peoples point of views)

I can give you some suggestions that have been useful to me. (given to me by my psychologist)

Go out and buy a note book:

In that note book, you have some tasks to do (they appear to be quite simple, but in the beginning they can be hard, because they force you to look at yourself in your day to day life and look for positive things):

task 1:
Start of by making a list of 5 things you are happy about when it comes to you as a person (personality, skills, looks etc.)

Make such a list once a week, and try to look for differet things each week, although they can have some points in common.

Task 2:
At the end of each day you sit down and you find 3 decisions you've made that day that your happy with. If after a while you find that you can make a list of 5 things each day, then do that.

This is all about looking at you as a person and your actions in a positive way.

I hope this was helpful!