Asked Nov 14, 2008, 06:09 AM
Ok well to start with I had a job that lasted about 9 months.. And in the last approx. 3 months I asked to do a different job (from stablehand to track rider) as a slight upgrade to what I really wanted to be doing, but still working for the same guy.
(Track rider is someone who exercises racehorses).
It was fine for ages (2 months about) and I was getting compliments from the people I was working with (trainers/riders) and really enjoying it. Then I had a slight set back (i came off a horse and had like 3 days off), and since that my boss was constantly looking over my shoulder and kind of pestering and questioning me about everything I did.
Anyway he started to turn kind of sour like rude, mean, grumpy and I started to get kind of stressed about what he would be thinking about me, rather than concentrating on what I was doing, so therefore my working kind of got worse, he was way over reacting to minor mistakes and if I came off another horse he would almost do his nut, so understandably? It really stressed me out.
I mean you don't just go from being good at the job (not riding horses but riding track work ie. Different saddle/short stirrups/intirely different position) for two and a half months, to suddenly crap in two weeks
So then he kind of nicely fired me, but offered the old position back, but I just didn't ring him back, and haven't seen him since.
Now he isn't a completely nasty person and I think he could just as easily be nice and polite to me if I saw him again, as he could to laugh at me and be rude.
The problem is I really want to do this job again because it is what I love doing, but I will either have to go back to the same place (racetrack) where did it last, or go to a different track in another town (which is only like an extra 5 mins). But I know I wouldn't be able to go back to the old track because he would be there, and it would just be SO awkward when I saw him, seeing as he kind of told me 'no'.
But if I go to the other track he will still most probably find out (from other riders/people etc), but at least I won't have to be around him. The other thing is every time I drive past the road where the track is I get kind of tense in case I see him drive past or something.
What I think is the problem is that I (realy deep down) admired/loved/looked up to him so, so much, like when he was angry at me I felt SO awkward and bad and would be doing all I could to stop myself form crying, like I had let him down so much, when all that was happening was he was over reacting a little.
Eventually I want to be a jockey (maybe, if the right opportunities come and it happens), but I think I would be kind of hung up about it if he never wanted me to ride any of his horses, which he kind of should seeing as it works that way in racing (like when you know the someone).
So part of me says no he is just going to be nasty to me, look down at me, spread bad rumours, not want to know me, so just crawl into a hole and hide, be embarrassed about my failure to him, be even more heartbroken if he doesn't want me to ride for him (as a jockey). If I see him, run and hide or glare at him and try not to cry.
And the other part of me says hey it happens all the time, I know of lots of people who have ridden for one trainer then moved onto another, what he says doesn't matter. I
If I don't want to be around him because of awkwardness then ride elsewhere, it doesn't matter a bit if even if I turn out to be an alright jockey and he still does want me to ride for him. If I see him smile, talk, act like it doesn't matter, I don't hate him, I simply worked for him for a while, like everyone moves on with no problems when they end a job.
Think on it as a positive that I already know some people in the industry, and know that I have someone to have a conversation/mingle with etc.
Think back on this job as an introduction to racing, laugh about how inexperienced I was, and actually believe in myself.
So either I can be suspicious, pessimistic, heartbroken, hung up over him and feel like I need him for conformation and reassurance that I'm doing a good job....
Or I can say.... Look I'm not a nasty person, I have never done anything ever to make anyone hate me, ever, and if someone doesn't like me, then that is their decision, their problem, not mine, I don't care. And look when I worked for him I ALWAYS tried my best, and never did anything wrong on purpose, I just tried to do a good job, the best I could, whatever.
And just be like people change jobs and bosses all the time, not everything works out all the time, so what? If you don't like me fine I don't care, I am my own person and will do what I want.
Any advice, help, suggestions, comments would be extremely appreiceated... Sorry its so long