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    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #1

    Apr 18, 2006, 10:34 PM
    Feeling lonely... what to do if anything...
    I've been feeling VERY lonely lately. I'm not sure why really though. I hang out with my friends pretty much daily, but I feel like something is missing. I know this is the time where I really DO NOT need to jump into a relationship, but I don't know what to do about it. I just want someone to care about, but have nobody (girl wise). The girl I am interested in IS moving back here this summer, but I am just worried that it might not work out the way I want it to. Any thoughts on why I am feeling this way now? I have only been single for about 6 months (not that bad). I have been on a TON of dates but nothing that sparks interest. Are my standards too high, or am I just in a rut? :confused:
    milliec's Avatar
    milliec Posts: 262, Reputation: 55
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    #2

    Apr 18, 2006, 11:04 PM
    :)
    Hi!
    I went back to:
    "Im going to write a book on the stuff that has happened to me......."
    Is she the girl who's coming back?
    If so, wait and see, and for the moment, don't hang your expectations too high -so as not to be disappointed. I'm not sure you two view your relationship in the same way.
    As for not finding anyone yet: your instincts are probably keeping you safe from relationships which are bound to bring you sorrow.
    You're probably too deep and sensitive to be flirting around. I'm not say there's something wrong with flirting around, if it suits you.
    For some it works, for others it doesn't.
    Have a good time, go out, meet people.
    The more you meet, the more chances you have to meet someone suitable.
    Even though you might not be the flirting type, it doesn't mean that whoever you date has to be THE ONE. Usually it doesn't work that way.
    There are very few lucky people for whom it does.
    Go out, and just enjoy yourself and enjoy the company of your friends.
    Remember that people, in general, are more attracted to happy faces than to sad people.
    Especially when they are out and try to have a good time.
    Good luck!
    Millie
    :) :) :)
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #3

    Apr 18, 2006, 11:46 PM
    That's just the thing, Im starting to think that I am liking her more than she is liking me in some ways, but then she reels me right back in. Things will be great, and then she gets "odd". We will talk a lot for a week or so, and then she goes quiet. Should I just break myself off this while I can, or just back off and see IF things go different when she comes back? I know now is NOT the time for me to get into anything because I need to me happy with myself 1st. I just dotn want another let down like before. I am FOR SURE a flirt, but only with those that I find interest in, the rest meh. I just feel like Im in a yoyo type situation. I KNOW she likes me in more than a "friend" typ way, but I think she is just cautious because of her past. I think I am just going to back off a tad and let her take it from here. I am just tired of falling flat on my face with crap like this. It takes a lot out of me.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #4

    Apr 18, 2006, 11:46 PM
    p.s. yes, it is the same gal.
    milliec's Avatar
    milliec Posts: 262, Reputation: 55
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    #5

    Apr 19, 2006, 12:49 AM
    Well, I think you're getting to the right conclusions all by yourself. I don't know her history, but the point is: wait till she's back, don't put too much hopes in that, so that you won't be hurt again. And like I said in the other thread - she might wish for a different relationship with you than
    What you do. In this last input, you seem to be reaching the same conclusion.
    Good luck, and DO take good care of yourself,
    Millie:)
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #6

    Apr 19, 2006, 05:24 AM
    Hi, Jeff,
    One thing is obvious; you aren't happy with this relationship, for whatever reasons.
    Get out, as you are doing, and meet others. Eventually you will feel much better, talking with new girls. Give this relationship some time to work itself out. The girl you are thinking about all the time may not be thinking about you that much!
    Best of luck.
    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
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    #7

    Apr 23, 2006, 06:31 PM
    Jeff, I don't think you need to give up on this gal just yet. If I recall correctly, most of your interaction with her was long distance. It's kind of hard to bond that way, much less gauge how strong your feelings are for her. I know that they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but sometimes, too much absence and too much distance does a sort of out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. Yeah there's the phone and text messaging/emailing but that's not the same. You may be lonely for a real legitimate relationship. There's nothing like the physical touch of your significant other, face to face dates and stuff like that. The tons of dates you've gone on have probably been with superficial women and that's not very "filling". Keep surrounding yourself with close friends and family. If you have nieces and nephews, take them to the movies or some place fun...

    We're here too!
    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
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    #8

    Apr 23, 2006, 06:34 PM
    P.S.

    No, your expectations are not too high. You are entitled to certain requirements from the gal you choose to be your girl, especially after the last fiasco!;)
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #9

    Apr 23, 2006, 07:18 PM
    You're wishing for something that you just don't have in your life right now, the way some people might wish for a beachfront mansion in Florida. That's normal to some extent as long as you don't let it become an obsession and interfere with your daily life. Unfortunately there's little you can do right now to directly change the situation. The good news is that times and circumstances change so that if things aren't the way you want them to be right now there's a good chance that they eventually will be. You need to be patient and keep the faith.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #10

    Apr 23, 2006, 09:52 PM
    Im pretty good now. I was just in a little bit of a ruff spot because of stress I think. Im not obsessing, just getting aggervated with dates going nowhere. I have been on about 10 dates over the last 5 months, and I just don't like these girls@! LOL! I guess I can't really complain because at least I am getting dates. UPDATE: The girl from Cali called me the other day and out of the blue... "Im moving back home at the end of next month". And surprise, Im not really sure how I feel about it now! LOL, Im an idiot. The whole conversation thing with her is really odd, we don't really talk on the phone much anymore, but say "hi" and "goodnights" on AIM. In a way, I kind of like it this way, keeps me from getting too attached and what not. She has a ton going on right now (family issues, moving, transferring, etc... ) I think I am just going to leave her be and play it by ear until she comes home NEXT MONTH! WEIRD! This whole situation is getting crazier my the min! PLUS! I find out this girl from work has a crush on me, she's older than me 32, but VERY pretty. I am a mad man right now until school ends in 2 weeks (thank God!) I am getting into nothing until I am SURE I am ready though. Thanks guys!




    p.s. Good to see you again M3! I've missed you!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #11

    Apr 24, 2006, 11:03 AM
    How can you be lonely with the people from this help desk just a key stroke away?:cool: :)
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #12

    Apr 24, 2006, 02:56 PM
    Thanks talan! I was just feeling the old no girlfriend blues I think, Im good now. Heheheheehe
    maria26's Avatar
    maria26 Posts: 69, Reputation: 6
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    #13

    Apr 25, 2006, 11:24 PM
    All I know is the minute anybody holds any kind of expectation on anybody in any relationship it is a guarantee for an ending... there will always be something that they will not meet up to. No matter where you go or who you see... learn to forget about holding expectations! Talk to them if it means something... if it doesn't don't hold them to it.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #14

    Apr 26, 2006, 12:06 AM
    I think you struck something with me Maria! I have been going on these dates expecting one of them to just BLOW ME AWAY! The funny thing is, that never really happens on a 1st or 2nd date huh? I think another big thing is, Im still guarding myself even though I don't think I am. I think I just don't want to like anyone right now. I don't think I have any baggage left because I have faced my "demon" LOL! And those feelings are behind me. I think I just need to BE MYSELF and stop trying so darn hard. I am a naturally flirty person, and I normally snag the girls I don't think I have any chance with just because I don't care if I do or not. The thing is, its hard to bring that mentality to a girl that I do like, you know? I WANT to impress her, I WANT to make her think I am interesting and what not. I just need to chill out and get back to the basics. Cut me some slack though, I haven't dated in like 5 years! LOL!
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
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    #15

    Apr 26, 2006, 08:58 AM
    Hi Jeff... so you're human, huh? Well, welcome to the club. I'm your 55 year old M2, and I still date, and reject many. I've broken with my current (4 year) on again - off again relationship, and it's a drag, but I had a lot of stress due to his German upbringing, and I'm emancipated, so it would not have worked anyway. He cannot understand it, but we are from different worlds and I just don't want to stagnate in his anymore. So, it's off to the club, bingo, and watching my daughter bowl. I just got out of a german hospital and was stuck there for four weeks - blah, all the food there made me sick - I missed American style food and pizzas. Even though I met new people, I know that I don't want a new 'encounter' and just want to spend some time with my daughter and cat, Larry.

    You'll get that 'spring feeling' when you are ready, and of course, you'll get maudlin in your four walls, so get out there and just mingle when you are bored. And, by all means, keep in contact with us, we'll find some way to cheer you up.

    When I got out of the hospital, the first thing I did was turn on my computer and clicked on the AHMD link - to be with my AHMD family.

    So, don't forget, you've got 'family' and friends here that will always have an open ear for you!

    Until next time, take good care, son, and keep us posted.

    P.S. Missed you too!


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