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Just an idea, since alot of u lot seem to know what ur talkin about..
Would there be anyone willing to listen to my lifestory and make some suggestions as to what i should do next..
See im at a bit of a standstill, or a cross roads if you like and i figure I want a Better life then ive had and i want to do it now while im still young enough to!!
and im willing to try anything!!!!
Alot has gone on (although i will abbrieviate for the lucky winner lol and spare the unimportant stuff)
I would be hugely grateful.
I know this is something i should work out for myself and i will, but i Need a fresh opinion from an intellegent outsider and i need a little perspective.
See i cant see the wood for the trees at the mo if you know what i mean..
Id be willing to return the favour if there is anything i can help anyone with...
As you say you arr quite young and if this thought comes in your mind then my friend you definitely have the caliber to find your own way, make sure your foundation is laid on honesty and truthfulness.
Honey I was choking up reading your story. Your a very strong young woman and you already have the strength in you to move on and get a better life. You must break the cycle that you grew up in. You seem to be attracting the very type of man you said your father was. Stop it now before your girls see that and fall in to the same lifestyle.
Is it possible for you to just move out of the area? Get away from the men and the people who have brought you down and start fresh. If you can save the money to do that or get the help to move. You seem to follow the same path. Meet men in bars, have sex and leave them. Or they stay and they are drunks and abusers. Stay away from the pub scene. Like what was already mentioned you cant break the chain unless you actually break it. Meaning find a better place to meet people. Stop drinking yourself. Stop before the addiction takes you in like it did your own father. Put your girls first and go forward. Dont even look for love right now. Those girls of yours will give you the unconditional love you may never get from someone else. They will always find you beautiful no matter how many hours you spend doing yourself up. You are now there idol and you need to show them what life is about. Life isnt pubs and needing sex to feel love or secure. Take charge now.
I have no idea how to offer help or support that can change something in your life apart from reading what you write and hopefully show that others care about you and your children, even not knowing you.
By just knowing that there is something out there that you want for both yourself and your daughters will hopefully give you the will to reach out and grab it and move forwards. When my children get into difficulties or reach a hurdle I always tell them "onwards and upwards". You have no controlof your past but the future is yours to choose.
Congratulations for having the guts and inspiration to put your story out there, it sure makes many people's ordeals seem less important.
Good luck with what you choose to do and let us know how you are progressing.
Well my 2 cents: Get away from all of these people-seriously. Enough is enough. If you stick around them, then you're just asking for more. Then, stay away from the drugs, and alcohol. No more of it. 0% tolerance. After this, think up a goal and stick to it, perseverance daily, and let no one stop you. Success is around the corner, but it takes the walking to get around the corner-so start walking. There are millions of people who have made mistakes in this world that we can learn from, why make history repeat itself? Pretend and act confident and with a high self esteem and soon enough you'll self manifest it and make it a complete reality. GL, take care.
I agree with smileyman... I would just add, you need to seriously, clear out. Do what you can to pack up and head out. As it is now, you are standing in a sort of mine-field. No matter where you turn you get into trouble at your present location. I would not suggest getting into any relationships for awhile either. You need to work and leave all drugs-drink alone, even the politically correct "happy" pills which are sold on city street corners along with illegal drugs for good reason. Drugs are drugs and will mess your mind up and keep you stuck in the past. You need a clear mind for survival reasons, making rational decisions and staying in the present. This might be hard at first, but it will get easier down the road. You can be your best friend or worst enemy. It is entirely your choice to make a better future or not too...
Hey Haytch,I was just reading your story and it filled me with so much of sadness at all the crap you have had to go through at such a tender age.
At the same time,I had the thought that maybe,in a very indirect and weird way,God was actually putting you through the worst kind of tests just to bring out the best in you,as a person,a mother,a partner.A diamond has to be put through extreme heat and processing methods before we see it shine.
I read somewhere that we keep getting the same kinds of tests and find ourselves in the same kinds of situations cos we just keep refusing to learn the lessons God wants us to.Thats why maybe your life's going in circles cos you just need to put your foot down,learn your lesson and find the beautiful life that you deserve.
Presently,theres a lot of clutter, a lot of past baggage,emotional,physical issues you have that is acting like a cobweb,preventing you from seeing the sunshine.You need to unclutter and remove all that.
I know these for sure:You are a very passionate and driven person:You just havent found the right people/things you should go for.Shift your passion and drive towards something like a job(I suggest dont go for anything fancy,any job that requires you to just go some place and spend a lot of time doing something,would not only take your mind off stuff but would prepare you for better jobs in future.Plus,a routine 9-5 job builds your confidence and also gives you money).
You are smart,intelligent and aware of the do's and dont's,the good and the bad:You just need to apply all this to your everyday life.Quit EVERYTHING that you sense from a hundred miles away,is potentially dangerous or harmful to you and your kids.That could be drugs,alcohol,a harmful person,a situation,anything.Run from everything bleak,dark and evil.Then merely change your course and walk the other way--towards happiness,cheer and positivity.
You are capable of being MUCH more:You have done fine academically and in situations that would be considered pretty shocking for many young students.If possible,go back to school,start attending classes,read.This'll start helping you focus your mind,increase your concentration and calm you down.
See Haytch,I think,the best and most hopeful part about the whole scenario is that you WANT to change,you want your life to take a drastic change for the better and when an individual is in that determined frame of mind,nothing,absolutely nothing,not even God,can throw him/her off course.
If you put your mind to it,I can foresee a beautiful future ahead of you,just the kind that a beautiful person like you deserves.If only you keep doing all that is good for you and dont give in to any temptation coming your way,if you promise yourself that you wont give up till you find true happiness and love,if you bring yourself to love yourself and forgive yourself for all thats happened,I am sure everythings going to work out.
Just know that there are millions of girls out there who would give anything to be as pretty,smart and kind like you are.You just have to believe that yourself and bring out the best in you.
Take good care of yourself and keep going.Life's waiting.
Let us know if we can help anytime you feel stuck.
Everyone who has given advice is absolutely right. You need to print these words of advice out and pin them beside your bed so you can see them and read them when your feeling your falling back. And realise there are people out there who do care and understand and who have been through horrible things just as you have. You sound very strong, and you also sound like you adore your children and care how they are raised. Like someone else said, do not let your past or childhood be an excuse for why your life isn't working out, make it a reason for your life to work out how you want it, make it fuel to get all those things you want for your childrens lives. Its time to stop reliving the cycle now, what people experience in life make a person stronger and more wiser. Learn from what you have been through, you obviously know now what you dont want so change what you have been doing and you will get a different result. Quit with the men until you know who you are and you feel good about yourself, quick fixes never really fix anything, until then you can not have a healthy relationship and get the good things out of it. I know this will be hard but you seem to be hooking up with clones of your father and thats very common when one grows up in an abusive home they are more likely to enter an abusive relationship because thats normal to them, but its not. Your number one thing in your life should be your children, strive to give them a life you didnt get to have and I can tell you you will find more fulfillment in that then any man can give you. Just remember there are people out there who have overcome intense poverty and violent upbringings to come out successfull, healthy people and have wonderful lives giving their families what they missed out on.
I know you mentioned you didnt want to be told to go to counciling, but Im saying it as a good thing, counciling helps alot, its just like this I guess but more intimate and focused on you, if you dont want to thats fine, read, read books or find websites on self healing, personal empowerment, forgiveness and how to overcome mental and physical abuse. Also educate yourself on financial matters and how to better your living situation. With these things you can slowley make your way to what you want. It sounds like you have been on the right path before then fallen off the wagon, thats ok everyone does, get up and try again, persisstance always gets you there. Write down all your goals, long term and short term ANYTHING YOU WANT IN LIFE, then break it down into small steps you need to take to get there and start. Never be afraid to ask for help, you already have and thats a start, you know deep down what doesnt feel right so trust your inner voice, trust yourself more and take charge, you and your children have a wonderful life to live, start taking the steps you need to get there and never let anyone tell you 'you can't' not even family or close friends, sometimes they can be the most judgmental. Good luck. x.
hello haytch
im going to give the others a chance
that was a well written post
thank you for having the guts to be honest
and the wisdom to make changes in your life
for you and your children
good luck
it only takes a firm mind to decide to change your life which you have decided.
now the next hard part is to stick to it and work on it.
you may move into a new environment that doesnt have the temptations that you usually fall for - maybe shift to a village or a orhtodox community , you can even consider being a paying guest at someones house .
get on a deaddiction program, get into college night time and work in the day
give your kids a good environment. stay out of all shady places
join a support or community groups. join a music or art class if you get time.
be a part of the local social group that helps people to get back on track. this is to ensure you are on the right track.
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